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Thread: The Joke / Funny Picture Thread

  1. #21
    Veteran Enthusiast DeanEtc's Avatar


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    There is a nun sitting outside of a bar. A drunk guy comes up to her and asks if she wants a drink. She goes "No! Drinking is a sin! >:O" And the drunk guy goes "Oh come on, one sip won't hurt.. " Nun says "Ok, I guess.. Wait, get the bartender to put the beer in a teacup, so it looks like I'm drinking tea." So the drunk man goes into the bar and asks the bartender for some beer, and asks for it in a teacup. The bartender goes "IS IT THAT FREAKING NUN AGAIN???!!!"


    What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a paper grocery bag?

    One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and one is used for carrying groceries.

    Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
    A: To avoid the draft.

    Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
    A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.

    Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
    A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

    Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
    A: Trying to hold on to a thought.

    Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
    A: They don't know the route.
    Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
    A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.

    Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
    A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.

    Q: How do you plant dope?
    A: Bury a blonde.

    Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
    A: Wave to her.

    Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
    A: Shine a torch in her ears.

    Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
    A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

    Q: How do you kill a blonde?
    A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

    Q: Have you heard what my blond neighbor wrote on the bottom of her swimming pool?
    A: No smoking.

    Q: What does a blond do when someone says its chili outside?
    A: She grabs a bowl.


  2. #22
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    I win for finding the oldest joke thread on this forum.
    I dare you to continue that arguement,

    Your mother is so overweight that if the gained one more pound she wouldn't fit in my jokes.
    ;(

    Animations - Do not Click Me - And Me Neither
    You have good sight, or good ctrl+c, ctrl+v skills. Also your computer might be set to %500 magnification.

  3. #23
    Veteran Enthusiast DeanEtc's Avatar


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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheeser
    I win for finding the oldest joke thread on this forum.
    I dare you to continue that arguement,

    Your mother is so overweight that if the gained one more pound she wouldn't fit in my jokes.
    ;(
    Yo mama is so fat, she's on both sides of the family.

  4. #24
    Veteran Enthusiast Lt. Longrods's Avatar


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    This one is kinda old but oh well...

    It was the first day of school, and the teacher is asking the names of the students. Then a boy walks in through the door naked, the teacher asks "Why are you late?" the boy replies "I was on Blue Berry Hill." So the teacher tells him to take his seat, since it's the first day of school.

    The next day the teacher is at her desk while the students are silently reading and a different boy walks in. The teacher asks "Why are you late?" and the boy replies "I was on Blue Berry Hill." So the teacher gave him a warning and let him take his seat.

    The third day of school came and the teacher was teaching math, and [i]another[/] boy walks in late. "Why are you late?" then the boy says "I was on Blue Berry Hill." The teacher thought it would be unfair to let the two other children get off the hook with it and not this one so she let him take his seat and she told the class no more people are going to get away with being late. As he took his seat a girl walks in and the teacher asks "Let me guess, you were on Blue Berry Hill..." and then the girl replies "No... I am Blue Berry Hill..."

  5. #25
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    a priest is having a shower in the church and realises he hasnt got any soap
    so thinking the church is empty he goes to the store room
    on his way back he see's three nuns walking his way
    "oh shi-" he says
    so he pretends to be a statue and wait for the nuns to pass
    the nuns walk upto to him and start talking amongst themselves
    "ooh look at that statue" says the first
    "very realistic" says the second
    she reaches down and grabs his penis
    in shock the priest drops the soap
    "ooh! its a dispenser" exclaims the first nun
    the third nun gives a yank on his penis
    "oh look hand-cream too!"


    hahahah silly nuns
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    My Thread - 2 Years of rust ahoy![/center:q3tpp333]

  6. #26
    Fanatic Enthusiast Xenomorph's Avatar


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    Roflmao!

    Anyways, I have my own little joke.

    A little girl walks into a pet store.
    She walks up to the cashier.
    She said, ever so cutely, "Hi, mistur, do you have a rabbit I could buy?"
    The cashier thinks the little girl is so cute, and says "Why, yes, I do! Would you like a brown rabbit or a white rabbit?"
    The little girl looks up at the cashier and says "I don't think my Boa Constrictor gives a shit."

    Muahahahaha!!!
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    >> S##t m_ Rebooting. Hello, Samuel.

  7. #27
    Enthusiast Vermi's Avatar

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    What do you do when you see a baby dying in your garage ?
    You stop laughing and you continu shooting.



    Why the little girl is falling of her chair ?
    Because she dont have any arms.



    What is the difference between a box full of dead babies and a lamborgini ?
    I dont have any lamborgini in my garage....
    [img]http://**********.com/img/1284650939.jpg[/img]

  8. #28
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    Yo momma's ass is so big, when she sits down, she gets 4 feet taller.
    Yo momma is so ugly, when she looked in the mirror, her reflection ducked.
    Yo momma is skinny, you'll see her outside dodging the rain drops :P

  9. #29
    Veteran Enthusiast LeadingManNigel's Avatar


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    Come on people stop the overused mamma jokes get some real jokes.
    To avoid spam:
    Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.

    God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."

    With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.

    God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"

    And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."

  10. #30
    Dedicated Member Flare Knight's Avatar
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    Here's one.
    A woman in a hot air balloon realizes she is lost. She lowers her
    altitude and spots a man fishing from a boat below.

    She shouts to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend
    I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

    The man consults his portable GPS and replies, "You're in a hot air
    balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346
    feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north
    latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

    She rolls her eyes and says, "You must be a Republican!"

    "I am," replies the man. "How did you know?"

    "Well," answers the balloonist, "everything you tell me is
    technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your
    information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you're not much help to
    me."

    The man smiles and responds, "You must be a Democrat."

    "I am," replies the balloonist. "How did you know?"

    "Well," says the man, "You don't know where you are or where you're
    going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air.
    You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and now you
    expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same
    position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my
    fault."


 

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