Hello and welcome to our community! Is this your first visit?
Register
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19
  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Location
    On my Laptop, duh.
    Posts
    66

    The Darkness Within

    The Darkness Within
    I made this for an entry to a competition on another forum, and I decided to post it here too.

    I walked on into the field as the moon illuminated the forest farther on, my destination. I stopped as I heard a snapping sound, turning my head from left to right, I narrowed my eyes and strained my hearing, nothing though. Satisfied that it must have been a small animal, I continued my walk.
    The forest grew nearer, whether I stepped forward or not as it seemed to want me to come to it. I moved at a slow pace as the trees swayed in the wind and the animals beyond reach in the forest ran back and forth, some gathering the courage to look at me, only to run away.
    I stepped once more, then I heard a rushing sound, something was running in the field. I turned and saw a child, maybe the age of 14 standing what used to be behind me. He had scraggy clothes that hang loosely on his figure. I saw the dirt smeared on his face and he stood there, shaking under my gaze. He took a step back as I stepped forward. His eyes widened and he screamed in an unknown language I understood, "Etrake!" Darkness!
    I smiled, bringing my arms out, forming a T, the boy turned, but I had him. I watched as the limbs of darkness stretched from my torso and grabbed the child, the true monster within me reaching its deadly head out. It opened its mouth wide and fangs, dark fangs slid out as it engulfed the child. I heard his muffled screams of pain and agony. I felt the taste of blood and dirt form in my mouth, being connected to the darkness.
    I screamed in my head for the thing to leave forever and never come back, but I was just a vessel, my true mind locked away, quaking from the power of the thing that now inhabited my soul. I was but a vessel for the formless darkness that filled my body. The darkness pulled back, the boy gone forever out of this world, it re-enetered my body and I felt the searing pain that came with it, I wanted to scream in agony and rip my skin off. Though my body turned and walked on into the forest.
    I was near-crazed from the feeling of no control. I wanted to die, I wanted to take the darkness with me. But I had no control...no control at all...

    Not what I normally think, but ah well.
    WARLOCK IS MEH BRO KAI?

  2. #2
    Pat
    Pat is offline
    Fanatic Enthusiast Pat's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    nil.
    Posts
    3,266

    Re: The Darkness Within

    WHAT THE FUCK

  3. #3
    Enthusiast

    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    1,244

    Re: The Darkness Within

    WHAT HE SAID ^^

  4. #4
    Fanatic Enthusiast Rapesauce's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Melbourne
    Posts
    3,388

    Re: The Darkness Within

    Errr... Poetic? Emo? Much?
    [center:2ip4lcj2][tn=300:2ip4lcj2]http://i.imgur.com/ZlNjl.gif[/tn:2ip4lcj2][/center:2ip4lcj2]

  5. #5
    Fanatic Enthusiast Alcyone's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    3,474

    Re: The Darkness Within

    What the hell?
    [tn=560:1296vzj9]http://www.explosm.net/db/files/Comics/Kris/makeover2.png[/tn:1296vzj9]

  6. #6
    lucien is queen Hazzystan's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Scotland
    Posts
    2,977

    Re: The Darkness Within

    Quote Originally Posted by Base
    The Darkness Within
    I made this for an entry to a competition on another forum, and I decided to post it here too.

    I walked on into the field as the moon illuminated the forest farther on, my destination. I stopped as I heard a snapping sound, turning my head from left to right, I narrowed my eyes and strained my hearing, nothing though. Satisfied that it must have been a small animal, I continued my walk.
    The forest grew nearer, whether I stepped forward or not as it seemed to want me to come to it. I moved at a slow pace as the trees swayed in the wind and the animals beyond reach in the forest ran back and forth, some gathering the courage to look at me, only to run away.
    I stepped once more, then I heard a rushing sound, something was running in the field. I turned and saw a child, maybe the age of 14 standing what used to be behind me. He had scraggy clothes that hang loosely on his figure. I saw the dirt smeared on his face and he stood there, shaking under my gaze. He took a step back as I stepped forward. His eyes widened and he screamed in an unknown language I understood, "Etrake!" Darkness!
    I smiled, bringing my arms out, forming a T, the boy turned, but I had him. I watched as the limbs of darkness stretched from my torso and grabbed the child, the true monster within me reaching its deadly head out. It opened its mouth wide and fangs, dark fangs slid out as it engulfed the child. I heard his muffled screams of pain and agony. I felt the taste of blood and dirt form in my mouth, being connected to the darkness.
    I screamed in my head for the thing to leave forever and never come back, but I was just a vessel, my true mind locked away, quaking from the power of the thing that now inhabited my soul. I was but a vessel for the formless darkness that filled my body. The darkness pulled back, the boy gone forever out of this world, it re-enetered my body and I felt the searing pain that came with it, I wanted to scream in agony and rip my skin off. Though my body turned and walked on into the forest.
    I was near-crazed from the feeling of no control. I wanted to die, I wanted to take the darkness with me. But I had no control...no control at all...

    Not what I normally think, but ah well.
    Good detail, but you suddenly swtiched to present tense when you were talking about the rags Hanging from the child. Also, you should replace some of the commas with colons/semi-colons.
    what is homo love?

  7. #7
    Dedicated Member

    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Inside all you faggots brains. Fucking the brain cells out of you.
    Posts
    563

    Re: The Darkness Within

    Lol, Emo fag :S
    [center:cdgx4emv]You gotta love 90-yr old Jamaican obsessed drug dealers.[/center:cdgx4emv]
    [center:cdgx4emv]Nuff Said.[/center:cdgx4emv]

  8. #8
    Enthusiast Surreal's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.
    Posts
    1,723

    Re: The Darkness Within

    Quote Originally Posted by Gondolez
    Lol, Emo fag :S
    Shut the fuck up, he didn't post this so you could call him emo.

    Christ.

  9. #9
    Veteran Enthusiast Salazar-DE's Avatar


    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    8,797

    Re: The Darkness Within

    Well I gotta say, that's a depressingly creepy story.

    But otherwise, yes, nice detail and good work. If you were to lighten it up a little I could see it being admired by many.
    [center:15cesajl]I'm gone, but I loved my time here. Thank you all for being such a great community![/center:15cesajl]

  10. #10
    Veteran Enthusiast ULTRA1337piv0tz's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    The Netherlands
    Posts
    6,737

    Re: The Darkness Within

    Add pics, try to make something in GIMP or a program like that.
    Skype: ruben_vanwijk
    Steam: xendlessnl


 
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •