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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2008

    Escape from hell - Story (14/11/08)

    Escape from hell

    Random Santa:
    [Chapter 1 – Plane Crash]

    It was a dark and windy night; the plane was twisting soaring aimlessly through the sky. The plane was picking up speed cutting through the air as if it were nothing.
    Burl's life slowed as he was metres away from hitting the ground, the masks flung out flimsily, jumping around on the elastic above him. He turned his head to the right and saw everyone shouting and screaming, some with their eyes closed praying. Others were crying saying their last goodbyes to their friends and family. Burl looked to his left and next to him was an unconscious passenger with blood soaked face.

    Their head leaking with darkly coloured blood where it had been hit.
    The lights were flickering on and off constantly, a loud siren went off ringing through our ears. Just as he was a few inches off the ground everything slowed down to a stop, Burl gripped his gun tightly and shut his eyes as hard as he could.

    He hit.
    The metal off the plane smashed of shards of metal were everywhere. Burl was winded from the sudden hit. He coughed and tried hard to breath.
    The light slowly faded away he felt his rib cage snap, blood came gargling from Burl's lungs. The seat flew forwards crushing his back. He took a final look before he fell unconscious, Burl saw the floor slowly flooding with blood mixed with the tears of the wasted lives shining, reflecting off the light above him. He closed his eyes.

    [Chapter 2 - The Survivors]

    Burl opened his eyes. He opened his seat belt and dropped to then floor. He could feel, with every breath his energy was draining away. The blood drained from his cuts. The Plane was partly crushed. The passengers, where lying over each other dead. As Burl pulled him self up a young blond girl walked over to him. She had a few injuries on her arms' and face.
    "Are you ok?" She asked.
    Burl griped his pistol tightly.
    "Yeah, what's your name?" He managed to come out with.
    "Ashly. Ashly Jones"
    "Can you help me in any way?"
    "Yes. There are 4 survivors, from the plane crash. We need to get out of here; I will explain things later"
    Ashly quickly wrapped a few bandages over Burls' arms and legs. They slowly stumbled out of the demolished plane.

    Ashly took Burl, to what somewhat looked like a camp. She had introduced them to the 4 other survivors. Brook, Ruby, Autumn and Coby.
    "This island has been traced by the computer. It seems that there was a nuclear war" Ashly exclaimed.
    "We have spotted people stopping around randomly; we are not sure if it is zombies or people dieing" Brook said.
    "But all we know for sure is that we have to get out of here as soon as we can" Autumn butted in.

    Random Santa:
    [Chapter 3 – Escape Plan]
    *Flashback Ashly’s Point of view*

    I regained consciousness I looked around examining the area. I noticed that I was nearer to the back of the plane so I wasn’t so severely injured. I had been cut on the arm by shards of glass from the window and fragments of metal. The plane looked a lot smaller now. It had been bashed in from the crash landing. There weren’t many survivors. I looked through the hole on my left of what used to be a window. The sky was black with thick smoke with the occasional little hole where the sunlight shone through. I saw the silhouette of what used to be my city. The buildings were destroyed and demolished from the nuclear wars; I guess that’s what happens when you need more land. Just take it from other countries. I looked down the middle of the plane to see a red stained carpet. I undid my seat belt and walked down the plane looking at the dead passengers, it was a horrible. Some passengers with their necks broken, arms twisted and even crushed by the person behind or next to them.

    I tried averting my eyes, ignoring everything around me. The atmosphere made me sweat, it was lonely. I couldn’t stop shaking. This was no place for a 16 year old.
    I walked slowly trying not to make a noise.
    One light was flickering on and off making a buzzing noise. I crept to the cockpit and peeked inside. Both pilots were dead; one lying on the control panel, the other was impaled on a large piece of shattered glass.

    I turned around heading for the exit. Then I heard a moaning noise, I froze still my brain told me to stop and play dead, while my body was panicking and trying to make me sprint out the door. The moan came again. My head was dripping with sweat.
    My body finally started moving, but in the wrong direction. It walked to the source of the noise; my brain was exploding with disgusting thoughts which were my death. The moaning got louder as I got closer.
    I stopped. All I could see was a chair which had been flipped over with blood leaking out. I felt the blood leak into my shoe. I looked down and noticed a hand. It started moving. “He’s alive” I shouted in my head. I pulled the chair back as far as I could. A man rolled out of the chair with blood leaking out of his mouth down his white shirt. The blood was inching closer to his grey baggy trousers. I dragged him out into some space, ran to the medic cabinet and grabbed bandages and anything else I could carry.
    I wrapped a bandage around his body as fast as I could at the same time carefully trying not to make his chest worst. I put a bandage around his forehead, covering the wound on his head.

    [Chapter 4 - Escape Plan part 2]
    *Flashback Ashly's Point of view*

    I finished wrapping it around him. I half dragged and half pulled him out of the plane. The stale smell of blood engulfed the plane. As I pulled him and myself over the blood stained carpet, the smell just got worse and worse, I dropped to the floor. The exit was a few meters away. I found the strength to get up again. This is no place for a 16 year old, I rapidly repeated over and over again in my head. We reached the exit. I threw Burl and out and threw myself after him. My whole body gave in and I fell to the soft sand. The sun kissed sand scortched my face as I hit the earth. Burl lay there, half dead. I pulled myself up, and with all my strength I went over to the lake beside the plane crash. The water was partly clean; the oil was soaking in to the lake. I got my water bottle and filled it with clean water. I made my back to Burl, to see another girl treating his wounds.
    "Hey" I said.
    "Hi. I'm Autumn, are you Ok? I grabbed the First Aid Kit from the cabin" she replied
    "Yeah. How many other survivors are there?"
    "I don't know"
    Autumn was a black haired girl with naturally blushed cheeks. Her blood stained hair came down below her shoulders. Then from the exit 3 other survivors came from the exit, one by one. They fell on to the ground.
    "I be right back" I shouted as I raced across the oil stained ground. I handed them my water.
    "Guys' we have to get out 'ov here, this place could go up in flames any minute' I said in a eager voice. One of the survivors picked them selves up and lifted the others on to their shoulder.
    "Lets get out of here" He shouted at me. As we raced across to Autumn he told me there names. “I’m Brook, This is Ruby and Coby.”

    Random Santa:
    [Chapter 5 – Escape Plan part 3]
    *Flash back Ashly’s point of view*

    “Hey I just remembered there is a nuclear war going on!” I exclaimed.
    Everyone looked at me in shock, they were all breathless.
    “Is that what all this havoc about?” Brook asked, still shocked by the news.
    “Yes” I answered. “We better get moving; don’t want to stay too close to the oil. It may catch alight.” We started running to where out feet would lead us.
    As we were running I examined the others. I asked them
    “So how old are you guys and how tall are you guys?”
    Brook answered first, “I’m 15 and I’m 5’9”
    “He has sky blue eyes, gleaming in the sunlight. He also has jet black hair which stops below his ear.” I thought to my self.
    I looked at ruby who was blushing as bright as a lobster, trying hard not to look directly at my eyes. She had long brown wavy hair that glistened in the glowing suns rays. Her eyes were hazel, bursting with brightly coloured flames in the middle of the eyes. Her eyes fade to green as you move away from the pupil. She was skinny but not too skinny. Just below average.
    “I... I… I’m 5’6” She answered while blushing even more brightly.
    Ruby said stuttering “F… fift… een”
    “She must be a shy one” I thought to my self.
    “And you?” I questioned, facing towards Coby.
    “Eh, I’m 15 and a half years old and 5’7” She said almost as if she wasn’t trying.
    “Hmm” I thought to my self. She sounds calm but at the same time very lay back and lazy”. “What am I doing?” I thought. “We could get injured if we don’t get away.”

    “Guys, we need an escape plan” I turned to see Burl speaking.
    He had brown messy hair, which defiantly suited him. His hair went slightly past his whole ear. His eyes are glowing golden eyes which swirled outwards and faded into light brown. He looked 16, probably older than me. Taller than me I’m only 5’8, he looked around 6’1.
    “Okay here’s the plan…” Burl said in a powerful tone.

    [Chapter 6- Escape Plan part 4]
    *Flash back Ashly’s point of view*

    We set of away from the oil. In a few minutes we came to a lake. Next to it was a couple of dozen trees.
    "Right girls you get to work on making a camp" Brook said in a powerful tone. "Burl and I will go catch some dinner"
    The girls and I started to snap large branches of trees and place them together. While Burl and Brook strode into the lake, with spears they had made out of branches. The boys burst in laughing and splashing at each other. Burl turned back, and looked at the plane.
    "OH MY GOSH" He screeched. They both burst out of there skin when they saw what was happening. They raced back over to us.
    "Stay here, we need to see what’s happening at the plane" Burl said frightfully. Burl and Brook both took out there gun and slowly started to walk over to the plane. Burl shot. Then all I could hear was gun shots. They slowing backed off and then raced into the cabin of the plane. They started to run back to us.
    "We have to get out of here quick, there are zombies, I think it may have something to do with the nuclear war" He said. They both had backpacks on them. We started to run.
    "All that work for nothing!" I sniggered to Autumn. " So what 'cha got in the backpacks?"
    "Guns, grenades, supplies, essentials and other types of weapons. We grabbed as much as these could fit" He said. We started to run. We finally came to a beautiful lake.

    Random Santa:
    [Chapter 7 – Failed escape plan]
    *Normal Time*

    Burl and the others were running as fast as they could, possibly even faster than they thought. Being chased by what could be your death certainly does make you run faster. They stopped at a beautiful lake, clear, clean and glistening in the sun with one big banana tree hanging over it.
    They stopped and looked at it with open mouths as if it was the first time in years they had seen such a clear lake. Suddenly Ashly screamed at the top of her voice. They others turned to see Ashly being pulled into the horde of zombies. Everyone spirited as fast as they could away from the zombies.
    They all tried hard to resist Ashly’s cries of help; suddenly Burl turned around and ran away from the group and away from Ashly, with his hands covering his ears.

    Ashly was thrown to the ground and landed on her arm. Ignoring the pain she tried attacking the zombies with her hands. She punched as hard as she could straight into the zombie’s head. The zombie’s head flew back, still attached to his body.
    He lifted his hands in the air and grasped his skull. Pulled it forwards, clicking it into place.
    He walked closer to Ashly, getting so close that she could touch his bony face with her nose. She sat there, trembling.
    “Is this how it is going to end?”
    “Ripped and chewed apart by zombies?”
    The zombie lifted his head back slowly to build momentum then shot forwards opening his jaws and heading straight for her chest.
    “AAAHHH!” Ashly cried.
    The zombie’s head exploded and its body fell forwards. Behind the body was Burl about 2 metres away from her, holding a shotgun. All the zombies looked at him with faceless expressions and then started running after him.
    Under his breath, burl said “Lets do this”. He shot a zombie to the right in the chest, blowing it back into the air. He turned around, smashing the back of the shotgun hitting another in the head. He shot everywhere at the same time making sure he didn’t shoot Ashly. He ran out of ammo and there were still about 8 left. He pulled out his pistol and shot one in the head, he jumped back avoiding the zombie’s attack and pushed his pistol into it’s rotten skin and fired. He turned just noticing a zombie in the air. He put his arm in the way to protect him self. It bit him.
    Burl tried shaking it off his arm then suddenly another came out of no where and bit his shoulder, in pain, burl fell to the ground dropping his gun as another zombie jumped onto his leg.
    Then one after the other they died after getting shot in the head. Burl turned to see who killed them. And saw Ashly standing there holding his pistol with both hands and arms stretched out. Breathing hard.
    “Don’t ever scare me like that again” said the blond.
    “I promise I won’t” Burl replied
    She pulled him up and he fell onto her because his leg was injured from the fight. They both opened their eyes and the first thing they saw was each other’s eyes. Burl fell deep into her crystal blue eyes. And she fell into his. They laid there for ten minutes until they noticed their position. They both shot up and looked opposite directions trying hard not to blush.
    “Uh… we better go find the others” Burl said breaking the silence.
    “Yeah.. good idea.” Ashly responded.
    She pulled him up, so his arm was around her and they walked back to find the others. Still blushing.

    [Chapter 8 – Plan V2]

    They brushed the warm sand of there clothes. Ashly was grinning, challenging him to see who would get to the group faster. Ashly was never happier than when racing someone. Burl limped of, with Ashly hot in pursuit. In 5 minutes, they reached the group. The two of them laughing. The faces of the other group, wiped the smile of there faces.
    "What’s up?" Ashly asked. Brooks eyes, directed to the ground. Ruby lay on the out cold.
    "In the distance I can see a town, we have to get there before dark" Brook replied. Brook got down and picked Ruby up in his arms as if she was a feather. As they moved burl began to speak.
    "Look, if we get into a flat or something, we can stay there for the night. One person can take a go on being a night watch. On the way, I will break into shops and grab what we need"
    They walked off into the distance.

    After countless hours of walking, they finally made it to the outskirts of the deserted city. The town was wrecked, buildings were slowly being eroded by the cold wind, and others had turned to a large pile of ashes. They slowly made there way over the toppled buildings. Ruby eyes opened. She slowly awoke and squinted as the beams of sun, came down on her eyes.
    "Hello?” She said. Burl smiled at her.
    "Hey! You dropped down cold onto the floor” He replied back.
    "AHH" Ashly screamed. A zombie had ripped the whole way down her back. Burl drew his pistol and shot. The zombie staggered backwards and fell over. He shot again, this time killing it.
    "Burl you stay here, I’m going to go put Ruby down” Shouted Brook
    Burl responded with a quick nod.
    “They coming up the stairs” Screamed Coby.

    Random Santa:
    [Chapter 9 – Plan V2]

    Burl quickly withdrew another pistol from his belt. He fired at the zombies with both pistols as fast as he could, while Coby was ripping parts of her shirt to wipe the blood away from Ashly’s back.
    Burl fired at the loose, rotting staircase beneath the zombies. The stairs slowly crumbled away from the impact of the bullet and the weight of the zombies crushing the lifeless wood. Finally the wood gave away, the zombies fell to a 4 storey high death. The hall way fell silent. Burl standing by the entrance to the stairs, Ashly in pain trying hard not to flinch when Coby was treating her wounds. Suddenly footsteps echoed through the dark hallway. Burl turned and looked down the hallway. He walked slowly into the darkness with his guns held in front of him.
    Brook suddenly felt the tip of a cold gun held to his temple.
    “Don’t shoot” Brook said.
    “Oh it’s you, don’t scare me like that mate” Burl replied while sighing with relief.
    “Haha, I found a few bandages in the room where I Ruby”
    The two men walked back to the girls and gave them bandages. They walked into a room where no one could see the girls. While Coby was wrapping bandages around Ashly, Burl and Brook were standing outside the door whistling.
    “So you going to peek in” Whispered Brook
    “WHAT? No of course not” Burl replied
    “Okay, your loss” Brook said while walking to the door handle.
    Brook put his eye up to the keyhole and tried to spy through. Burl tried hard to resist.
    “I guess everyone has urges” Burl said to him self. He tapped Brook on the shoulder telling him he wanted a look, instantly Brook moved out the way.
    Burl looked at him, confused why he moved away so quickly.
    He put his eye up to the keyhole, suddenly the door opened and Ashly stood there, staring at burl. “WE’RE YOU PEEKING?” Ashly shouted.
    “Uh… No, I was examining this wonderfully created door handle” He replied
    Ashly gave him a ‘do you really expect me to believe that’ look and then slapped him round the face. They all walked to the room where Ruby was resting with Brook leading them.
    They quickly picked up the pace, when they got there Ruby’s door had been broken down. Brook pulled out his pistol and shot at the Zombies. After they had all fallen dead, Ruby laid on the bed shaking with fear and pain. They made her injuries worst. Brook pulled out a bandage from his pocket and wrapped up her wounds.
    “I’ll be on guard for tonight” said Burl breaking the silence.

    [Chapter 10 - Guarding]

    "Uhhhh" Something in the mist called. "Uhhh"
    "Guys, wake up!" Burl said quietly.
    "What do you wa" Brook was suddenly butted in by the cracking of splintering wood.
    "There here!" He screamed.
    Ruby grabbed a knife and slashed her way through the zombies ozzing skin.
    "Let's get out of here!" Burl said. Burl didn't need to say it, everyone had grabbed some sort of defence and ran. Brook led the way, blasting at zombies.
    [center:14k5nyi7]My PSN: DepartedProphecy[/center:14k5nyi7]

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Dec 2006

    Re: Escape from hell-Story

    I thought that was the greatest story ever >_>.
    We will be updating regularly.

  3. #3
    Enthusiast MrBond's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2007

    Re: Escape from hell-Story

    Nice story, can't wait to read more.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2008

    Re: Escape from hell-Story

    Thanks! Hopefully it will be updated twice a day.
    [center:14k5nyi7]My PSN: DepartedProphecy[/center:14k5nyi7]

  5. #5
    Veteran Enthusiast DAMON's Avatar

    Join Date
    Nov 2004

    Re: Escape from hell - Story (6/11/08)

    Random Santa's bit was a lot better than Warlock's. It was a lot more descriptive and really drew me in once I got past my initial scepticism.

    Warlock's part just needs more description, really. When Burl woke up I didn't know whether he was in a hospital or still in his seat, things like this confused me. And having more dialog than story is a huge indication you're not doing the writing well. Focuss on letting your readers know what is happening. Even if you want to keep certain things hidden from them, don't sacrifice readability entirely. One thing that bugs me is that Burl seems to have been destroyed completely in the crash, then he gets up and going like nothing happened. I'm wondering, either he has regenerative superpowers like Wolverine, or he is one of the zombies they were talking about. Which brings me to another point: in two lines you have revealed a huge plot point. There was a nuclear war and there are now zombies. These are spoken casually and not explained at all. I'm left perplexed. "It seems there has been a nuclear war." Oh okay. WHAT? It seems? It's kind of hard to overlook a nuclear war, you know. And it's already over as well? Just like that? And now suddenly there's zombies?
    Seriously, explain this because I'm confused the fuck out of at the moment.

    Keep going, I'm somewhat interested.

  6. #6
    Fanatic Enthusiast

    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Leicester, UK

    Re: Escape from hell - Story (6/11/08)

    Wow. I really enjoyed that. Great work.

  7. #7
    Join Date
    Sep 2008

    Re: Escape from hell - Story (6/11/08)

    Thanks Damon. Mine was basicly based on analogs and when he meets the crew, not description. On my next part, i will put more description and "suck the reader in"
    Thanks for the comments guys. Any more?
    [center:14k5nyi7]My PSN: DepartedProphecy[/center:14k5nyi7]

  8. #8
    Dedicated Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2008

    Re: Escape from hell - Story (6/11/08)

    i quite liked it surprisingly, continue it. put a bit more description in the next chapter, i can't tell what's going on.

  9. #9
    Join Date
    Sep 2008

    Re: Escape from hell - Story (7/11/08)

    Very big update.
    [center:14k5nyi7]My PSN: DepartedProphecy[/center:14k5nyi7]

  10. #10
    Fanatic Enthusiast Rapesauce's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008

    Re: Escape from hell - Story (7/11/08)

    Best story ever,though I do think that Random Santa did a little bit better than you.

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