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  1. #1
    Enthusiast Spitfire's Avatar

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    Purgatory - Inconvenience - Story [08/11/08]

    [center:19p8kcvv]PURGATORY[/center:19p8kcvv]

    [Chapter One – Inconvenience]


    It was just about 3:15 AM when flight 21 was about to experience something, they had never expected. Kyle had just woken up due to the engine malfunction noises he heard.
    "What's going on?", Kyle said while he spoke in that muffled drowsy sound left in his voice. The plane started to take a sudden drop that seemed to last forever. Kyle realized that something was going wrong, and immediately checked the windows. He looked. But only saw the faint gray from the clouds as they dropped at a tremendous speed. To the left of Kyle, a baby started to cry. The baby was being held by what Kyle thought was the mother. She had long brown hair, blue eyes, and she appeared to look about 22 years old. He took a closer look, and saw a symbol on her arm shaped like a circle with a arrow through it. He came out of his focus of the woman, and began the think what to do. He heard the pilot say, "All passengers remain seated, please this is an emergency." He jumped from his seat, and ran past the stewardess, while slightly shoving her to the left of him.


    He got to the cockpit area, shocked for what he saw. The pilot not actually trying to prevent the plane from crashing, but rather flying it straight into the earth's surface. The pilot caught a glimpse of Kyle in the corner of his eye. He turned around, and said, “Welcome to purgatory.”

    Kyle took a sudden jump at the pilot, grabbing him by the arm, but thrusting his other arm, at his neck. Other passengers soon started to get aggressive, moving from their seats. They were about one minute from crashing. It seemed to go by too fast.


    Everything went black there was a huge crashing sound. It didn't sound like they were in the ocean, how was it that they were even alive..? Kyle got up and felt his way forwards until he saw a faint flicker of light. He walked closer as the light got bigger. He stepped out of the plane looking at himself. Kyle was losing blood fast, he had no time to worry about other passengers. He tried to run, but fond he had not nearly enough energy to keep going. He collapsed. Before he passed out multiple thoughts went through his head. "Where are we?", "What’s happening..?", but most importantly, why did this happen.

    Kyle woke up it was morning. Still confused he had a flash back.

    “AHHHHHH”, he heard remembering the crash.

    The flash back went further...
    He saw the crash again, then remembered the symbol on the woman's arm unsure why that came up.

    Kyle snapped right out of it, and ran back to the plane, still feeling the drag in his legs. He got to the entrance door, and heard a muffled baby cry. "Wahhh", "Hello, is anyone here?!", he screamed. He knew if he wanted to find other survivors he had to go in and search. He ran in so fast he didn't notice the luggage in front, and tripped smash face first into what now looked like, a piece of the plane's chair.
    He looked around briefly before he got up. He turned past something, then quickly stretched his arm, and grabbed it. It was a lighter!, from the survivor kit. He now stood up, while flicking the lighter on. "Hey, guys are there any other survivors?", he said with a loud voice. He stood waiting making sure he made no noise so that if someone were to speak, he would be almost certain to hear. "Ouch, who is that?", he heard a feminine voice speak. Then put the lighter closer to seat 37, and saw a brutally injured woman. She got up, "where the hell are we?", she asked Kyle. But when asked Kyle just whispered, "I don't know", he was focused on something else.

    His eyes widened, thinking of the baby, and its mom. He went down the seat beside him and saw them bruised, but not anything like the other woman. Giving her his hand she stood up limping, he looked in front of her, and saw what he thought was the last survivor, a man. He gave him a hand, and helped him up. They all started to walk back to the exit, passing seat 37 where the other woman joined them limping even more than the rest. Coming out he said to himself, "This isn't good."


    Shortly after stepping out, he stood in place, loosing focus. He could feel the sand in between his toes, due to the holes in his shoes, and socks. Kyle heard a loud high-pitch noise coming from somewhere behind him. The one thing that surprised him of this scream, is the fact that it was not human. It was mechanical. Wondering what was going on around him, he started to come to realization, thinking of how life threatening serious this was. He knew this was know joke, or average day for him.
    For a change someone other than Kyle spoke up, it was the other man he had just found on the plane."I'm Chris", the man said almost as if this was a some sort of playmate. The woman with the child was the first to respond to this man, "Hi? Hi? you say hi when we're stuck in the middle of now where?!" The man took a small step back slouching his head into his now ripped shirt, he was about five feet tall, only 9 inches smaller then Kyle. The man put his head down, almost as if expecting her apologize.
    [center:1ztq707r]
    |Animations|Forum Rules|Purgatory - Inconvenience - Story|[/center:1ztq707r]

  2. #2
    Fanatic Enthusiast Rapesauce's Avatar
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    Re: Purgatory - Story

    Quote Originally Posted by Spitfire
    [center:28gpjx9x]PURGATORY[/center:28gpjx9x]


    [Chapter One - Inconvenience]


    [center:28gpjx9x]It was just about 3:15 AM when flight 21 was about to experience something, the had never expected. Kyle had just woken up due to the engine malfunction noises he heard.
    "What's going on?", Kyle said while he spoke in that muffled drowsy sound left in his voice. The plane started to take a sudden drop, that seemed to last for ever. Kyle realized that something was going wrong, and immediately checked the windows. He looked. but only saw the faint gray from the clouds as they dropped at a tremendous speed. To the left of Kyle a baby started to cry, the baby was being held by what Kyle thought was the mother. She had long brown hair, blue eyes, and she appeared to look about 22 years old. He took a closer look, and saw a symbol on her arm shaped like a circle with a arrow through it. He came out of his focus of the woman, and began the think what to do. He heard the pilot say, "All passengers remain seated, please this is an emergency." He jumped from his seat, and ran past the stewardess, while slightly shoving her to the left of him.


    He got to the cockpit area, shocked for what he saw. The pilot not actually trying to prevent the plane from crashing, but rather flying it straight into the earth's surface. The pilot caught a glimpse of Kyle in the corner of his eye. He turned around, and said, "Say bye to purgatory".[/center:28gpjx9x]
    Wow great story, now one thing. MOUR, MOUR, MOUR!!!!!!!!
    [center:2ip4lcj2][tn=300:2ip4lcj2]http://i.imgur.com/ZlNjl.gif[/tn:2ip4lcj2][/center:2ip4lcj2]

  3. #3
    Enthusiast Spitfire's Avatar

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    Re: Purgatory - Chapter One - Story

    Fixed some grammar, and added more to chapter one.

    Enjoy.
    [center:1ztq707r]
    |Animations|Forum Rules|Purgatory - Inconvenience - Story|[/center:1ztq707r]

  4. #4
    Fanatic Enthusiast Spaz's Avatar


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    Re: Purgatory - Chapter One - Story

    Hm.. it seems far to unrealistic. I plane travels at about 600kph, if its heading down to earth then it's speed would rise even higher. You're talking about a big plane here, everyone would die instantly, unless one of two passengers were freakisly lucky or something. Let alone kyle being at the front of the plane when it hits, getting hit by a fan at 100kph would seriously damage your body, or most likely kill you. Just think about the outcome of that, but 6 times bigger. Basically, there is no way anyone would survive. >_<..

    It's not bad, and no where near as bad as some stories posted recently. But you need to think through what's possible.

    I liked the introduction though, its a good setting for the start of the story. Perhaps you could have described the plane abit more, or just stuff a metre around him. Also we don't have any idea how old Kyle is, whether he's tall, strong or one of the ugliest people we'll ever meet. More discription is needed to be able to imagine the story as it goes on, and atm you don't have alot. You did however give the story some suspence because of the circle with the arrow going through it, on the womens arm that was taking the baby, or whatever she was doing. But you didnt go into it in that much discription so I dunno if its significant.

    Fix it up with discription, and if you can some how change how the plane lands, so that everyone wouldn't die, that'd be better.
    Evenin&#39; - PM?


  5. #5
    Enthusiast Spitfire's Avatar

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    Re: Purgatory - Inconvenience - Story [08/11/08]

    thanks will do also I added a lot more chapter one is finished.
    [center:1ztq707r]
    |Animations|Forum Rules|Purgatory - Inconvenience - Story|[/center:1ztq707r]

  6. #6
    Enthusiast Spitfire's Avatar

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    Re: Purgatory - Inconvenience - Story [08/11/08]

    Updated.
    [center:1ztq707r]
    |Animations|Forum Rules|Purgatory - Inconvenience - Story|[/center:1ztq707r]

  7. #7
    Senior Member ben.'s Avatar
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    Re: Purgatory - Inconvenience - Story [08/11/08]

    nice story.

    i sure couldnt be fucked to do write something nearly
    as long as this, and for that i give you credit.

    it sounds to me like your version of that fourth plane smashing into
    that open field on september 11.. sort of.. which is cool.

    but again, great work.
    [center:1yrtbv9l][/center:1yrtbv9l]
    [center:1yrtbv9l]^^Thread^^[/center:1yrtbv9l]


 

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