Hello and welcome to our community! Is this your first visit?
Register
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11
  1. #1
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    residing in the very depths of my imagination
    Posts
    87

    Re: 100 Years Without You [LEVEL 2]

    dude...this is really good...i like the position it was written from and the idea ^^ i'd love 2 see more
    [img]http://**********.com/img/1230967952.png[/img]

  2. #2
    Veteran Enthusiast Salazar-DE's Avatar


    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    8,797

    Re: 100 Years Without You [LEVEL 2]

    Great read, it had me interested for the most part.

    But, instead of making almost every sentence start with "I see", or "I *verb* this", you could have more explanation to the places you're in. You have the scene laid out, but it's great to have a vivid experience with books, reading how the sewer has graffiti everywhere and "some said this about this, and that". Instead of just "the sewer was dark".

    Not saying your story wasn't bad, as your story's great. Main reason I've actually pushed myself to writing a helpful review. You needn't take my advice to heart, and completely revamp your writing style. Because you have a nice way of showing climax, but more explanation in certain parts would help me understand exactly what scene I'm in when reading this.

    Still, good use of first person. Most people would've given up and gone omnipotent by now.
    [center:15cesajl]I'm gone, but I loved my time here. Thank you all for being such a great community![/center:15cesajl]

  3. #3
    Enthusiast
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    1,109

    Re: 100 Years Without You [LEVEL 2]

    dude....thats awsome, I like the first person point of view, its a good break from having to read unoriginal 7th grade writing about nails and Chuck Norris and hunting and shit.
    [center:1e3e9dtr]
    [/center:1e3e9dtr][center:1e3e9dtr]
    [old thread]^[newest anim]^[/center:1e3e9dtr]
    [center:1e3e9dtr]Thank you )(nUmB for the avvie,Will&#39;s awsome also <.<[/center:1e3e9dtr]

  4. #4
    Dedicated Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    California.
    Posts
    624

    Re: 100 Years Without You [LEVEL 3 ENGAGED]

    Holy shit, that's really well made. Seriously, continue it. But, add more detail, and crap, instead of using bland words such as "bright" or "dark".


  5. #5
    Fanatic Enthusiast The Inzuki's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    ???
    Posts
    4,690

    Re: Level 5 [Suburban Land] - 100 Years Without You

    Damn CodeMachine, your coded with a silver tongue.

    I really love the story. Please continue it.
    hi.

  6. #6
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    142

    Re: Level 5 [Suburban Land] - 100 Years Without You

    Hmm, give me lots of ideas. Love it man, keep on working on it.

    Looks great, consider publishing your work, whether its this or something else. Nice, excellent concept and idea.

  7. #7
    Veteran Enthusiast Nour's Avatar

    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Orlando, FL
    Posts
    7,761

    Re: Level 6 - 100 Years Without You

    Holy.

    Crap.

    I'm just fucking blown away. You have to get this one published.

    [center:akkfv4h7][/center:akkfv4h7]

    [center:akkfv4h7]"Fuck off bitch, I&#39;ve got legos to construct."[/center:akkfv4h7]

  8. #8
    ☄ (。・ω・。) ☄ Peebles's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    4,948

    Re: Level 6 - 100 Years Without You

    That was great man. Keep making more until you finish it. It's an amazing story.

  9. #9
    ☄ (。・ω・。) ☄ Peebles's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Michigan
    Posts
    4,948

    Re: Level 7 Uncomplete - 100 Years Without You

    Thats was excellent.
    Detail is greatly put into your stories.

  10. #10
    Fanatic Enthusiast Stef's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Credits to Osprey for the sig and Underground for avatar
    Posts
    2,504

    Re: Level 7 Uncomplete - 100 Years Without You

    Nice story the plot keeps someone hooked up

    Can't wait to see Level 7 complete
    Like a rolling stone


 
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •