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Thread: Experiment.

  1. #1
    Fanatic Enthusiast James's Avatar


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    Experiment.

    A new story I have been working on, in my opinion it is better than the other one.
    Comments please.

    Anyway, here goes:

    Chapter One:

    I opened my eyes slightly, just enough to allow a glimpse of light seep in to my sight. All that I could see was a white ceiling, so I forced my eyes open a little more to get a better view of where I was. After flickering a bit, my eyelids rolled back, and I immediately saw a room, much a similar colour to the ceiling, but I could make out various objects, even though my vision was adjusting, and everything was still blurred. I could just about see a plant, a bed of some sort, and a flashing box on a table which I assumed must be a television. Beside the bed, I saw a large pole protruding from the ground, which looked like it had been draped with vines. I squinted, and saw that the "vines" were attached to a bag at the top of a pole. After taking in my surroundings, I dropped my head back, and my eyes were filled with ceiling again. I lay and wondered for a while, putting all the things I had seen together, and when everything was slowly in place, I came to the conclusion that I must be in a hospital. People in white gowns moved around the other bed, and, noticing me, came over to look at me. I tried to open my mouth and speak, but nothing came out, as hard as I tried, but it just opened and shut again, much like a goldfish. I didn't bother trying again, so I tried putting my arms out, trying to grab their attention. But my arms refused to co-operate. They lay there, still beside my body, and no matter how much I wanted them to reach out, they stay put. I was confused, irritated, and above all, scared. I knew that I was in a hospital, but where? And why? I couldn't remember ever coming here, in fact I couldn't remember much at all. I was still trying to think, and to remember. The people that were inspecting me began talking, but my ears felt as though they had been stuffed with cotton, and the voices were muffled and indistinguishable. I felt hopeless, so I decided to try and sleep again, and see if I could piece together how I had made it to this hospital place, and why.
    Things flooded into my head as I drifted away again, things that I could see and hear, but couldn't understand. My memories became very vague, I could remember a few words of conversations, but that was all. I tried to stretch my mind back to the last thing I remembered, and it was when I had left a shop. But which shop? I could just about remember opening a door, a small, splintering, white door. Where had I seen one of those before?
    My thoughts followed this sort of pattern for a while, trying to remember things that were trapped in the farthest corners of my mind, as it seemed, and make sense of them. After a while, it had become established that I had left the corner shop near my house, and walked along the street. That's where things faded away. That's as far as I could remember. And now I was here.
    I woke up sharply, and it felt like I had been thinking for years. The same things surrounded me. My eyes became more and more adjusted to the environment as I sat there, and after a while, for the first time, I could see clearly where I was. I was in an immaculate white room, with a few dull, plain pictures surrounded by wooden frames hung smartly on the wall. The pole with vines had now recognisable as a drip, and the vines were curling down, until it connected to my arm. It felt like a hospital, but it had an eerie silence surrounding it, it felt like it couldn't be a hospital, because it was too quiet. I sat there for a while, staring out of a glass door that separated my room from a main hall, which wasn't exactly bustling with activity, like I expected a hospital to be. Every so often a person wearing a brilliant white gown, that looked like it was brand new, walked past, and none of them noticed me. They carried on their ways, not taking one glance at my room. The light that illuminated the room was blindingly bright, and made the sheer whiteness stand out even more, although it seemed like the light was needed, seeing as my room had no window allowing me to see into the outside world.
    As the day wore on, I was visited by only one person, who came to give me some food, but otherwise, he did not speak to me or ask me how I was. It felt like a prison. There was no doubt that I was in more comfort that I would be in a prison, but I wasn't enjoying it one bit, I felt trapped and enclosed and lonely. I couldn't do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. And what about my family? Where were they? Did they know I was here? If so, why hadn't they come to see me? My thoughts closed in again, and eventually, I was drifting away.

    Chapter Two:
    Faint noises echoed around my head, and I couldn’t determine what they were. Strange, almost ghostly voices, quietly, serenely, yet somehow terrifyingly reverberating through my mind. I tried to stay asleep but the voices were beckoning me, calling to me, pleading for me to awake from my slumber. I could take the noise no more. I slowly opened my eyes, and for the first time in a long while, a person talked to me, and recognized me. I lay there for a moment, as the person talked some more, to a companion who was sitting nearby in an armchair. My hearing was still muffled, and I could only just make out what they were saying, but when he turned to me, I heard what I had wanted to hear for what had seemed like so long.
    “Hello” the person said, in an inquisitive manner, as he leaned over me, inspecting me as though he was suspicious of me.
    “You are not safe” said the other, in a more emotionless and matter-of-fact voice than the other, and he stood up and positioned himself alongside my bed.
    “You must escape.”
    “You are in grave danger.”
    I tried to force words out, but I could only babble incomprehensibly. The pair continued talking.
    “You are part of a test”
    But before they could continue explaining things to me, I heard a noise, which rose and fell, like an air raid siren. The pair looked at each other in a worried fashion, then bode me farewell, before dashing out of the door, followed by two large men dressed in the familiar white uniform that I had seen so much of. I tried to ignore the deafening noise that rang through my ears, and tried to explain to myself what they were talking about. But all I could manage to do was ask myself more questions. What experiment? Why was I part of it? Had I signed up for this? What were they going to do to me? Why was I in grave danger? The way that the pair had sounded agitated and concerned for me made me feel like they were telling the truth and I began to worry. How was I going to escape?

  2. #2
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    Re: Experiment.

    Looking pretty cool so far. Try breaking it down into paragraphs though.
    Also, since when did you start writing? :P

  3. #3
    Fanatic Enthusiast James's Avatar


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    Re: Experiment.

    I've always enjoyed writing, I've just never made it public, lol.

  4. #4
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    Re: Experiment.

    Just by reading the first two lines it was clear you're one of the higher ability writers in this section, good work.

  5. #5
    Fanatic Enthusiast James's Avatar


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    Re: Experiment.

    I added a bit more to the story guys, get reading

  6. #6
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    Re: Experiment.

    Quote Originally Posted by James
    A new story I have been working on, in my opinion it is better than the other one.
    Comments please.

    Anyway, here goes:

    Chapter One:

    I opened my eyes slightly, just enough to allow a glimpse of light seep in to my sight. All that I could see was a white ceiling, so I forced my eyes open a little more to get a better view of where I was. After flickering a bit, my eyelids rolled back, and I immediately saw a room, much a similar colour to the ceiling, but I could make out various objects, even though my vision was adjusting, and everything was still blurred. I could just about see a plant, a bed of some sort, and a flashing box on a table which I assumed must be a television. Beside the bed, I saw a large pole protruding from the ground, which look like it had been draped with vines. I squinted, and saw that the "vines" were attatched to a bag at the top of a pole. After taking in my surroundings, I dropped my head back, and my eyes were filled with ceiling again. I lay and wondered for a while, putting all the things I had seen together, and when everything was slowly in place, I came to the conclusion that I must be in a hospital. People in white gowns moved around the other bed, and, noticing me, came over to look at me. I tried to open my mouth and speak, but nothing came out, as hard as I tried, but it just opened and shut again, much like a goldfish. I didn't bother trying again, so I tried putting my arms out, trying to grab their attention. But my arms refused to co-operate. They lay there, still beside my body, and no matter how much I wanted them to reach out, they stay put. I was confused, irritated, and above all, scared. I knew that I was in a hospital, but where? And why? I couldn't remember ever coming here, in fact I couldn't remember much at all. I was still trying to think, and to remember. The people that were inspecting me began talking, but my ears felt as though they had been stuffed with cotton, and the voices were muffled and indistinguishable. I felt hopeless, so I decided to try and sleep again, and see if I could piece together how I had made it to this hospital place, and why.
    Things flooded into my head as I drifted away again, things that I could see and hear, but couldn't understand. My memories became very vague, I could remember a few words of conversations, but that was all. I tried to stretch my mind back to the last thing I remembered, and it was when I had left a shop. But which shop? I could just about remember opening a door, a small, splintering, white door. Where had I seen one of those before?
    My thoughts followed this sort of pattern for a while, trying to remember things that were trapped in the farthest corners of my mind, as it seemed, and make sense of them. After a while, it had become established that I had left the corner shop near my house, and walked along the street. That's where things faded away. That's as far as I could remember. And now I was here.
    I woke up sharply, and it felt like I had been thinking for years. The same things surrounded me. My eyes became mroe and more adjusted to the environment as I sat there, and after a while, for the first time, I could see clearly where I was. I was in an immaculate white room, with a few dull, plain pictures surrounded by wooden frames hung smartly on the wall. The pole with vines had was now recognisable as a drip, and the vines were curling down, until it connected to my arm. It felt like a hospital, but it had an eerie silence surrounding it, it felt like it couldn't be a hospital, because it was too quiet. I sat there for a while, staring out of a glass door that seperated my room from a main hall, which wasn't exactly bustling with activity, like I expected a hospital to be. Every so often a person wearing a brilliant white gown, that looked like it was brand new, walked past, and none of them noticed me. They carried on their ways, not taking one glance at my room. The light that illuminated the room was blindingly bright, and made the sheer whiteness stand out even more, although it seemed like the light was needed, seeing as my room had no window allowing me to see into the outside world.
    Lol, few errors :P
    Anyway, once again, looks awesome. Finish it please :3

  7. #7
    Fanatic Enthusiast James's Avatar


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    Re: Experiment.

    Lol, I fixed the spelling errors in Word. Also, I added some more.

  8. #8
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    merchandise delivery

    was so hunt bumptious to a merchandise delivery of the wonderful pasta from Tarsitano's Distillery neighbor Conneaut. Friends had been efficacious us well lotro gold things around this younger out-of-the-way distillery and cafe, line it "one of the best-kept secrets in Ashtabula County." Ken and Clown Tarsitano habitual the winery.

  9. #9
    Veteran Enthusiast Sharpshooter's Avatar



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    Re: merchandise delivery

    Quote Originally Posted by weosdfl34
    was so hunt bumptious to a merchandise delivery of the wonderful pasta from Tarsitano's Distillery neighbor Conneaut. Friends had been efficacious us well lotro gold things around this younger out-of-the-way distillery and cafe, line it "one of the best-kept secrets in Ashtabula County." Ken and Clown Tarsitano habitual the winery.
    Don't bump topics 7 days old. James, unlock at your own will.


 

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