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  1. #1
    Dedicated Member Cosmonaut's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Stand Alone Complex

    A Crown of Thorns

    Hehe, here's the story that I wrote just for this occasion. I left off in a critical spot, and I haven't gotten back to working on it yet, but I'll get there soon.

    NOTE:I was bored and inspired by Elfen Lied(anime :S), so if you don't want to read anything similar to it (but not the same!) plotwise and gore wise, then I recommend you stop right here. If you don't want to, please, enjoy the story and don't be afraid to give me criticism, I'm all eyes :P

    I woke to find a strange looking man staring at me, documenting my every move as I could only stare at him in the jar I was put in. He had glasses, and a white lab coat on, with a clipboard and pen in his hands, writing down his observations of me. I saw several guards guarding the impenetrable room I was put in, waiting for anybody that would come to observe, or harm me. I hadnít moved or awoke in several weeks it felt like, and observed my hands; like usual, a pale white, with ever growing fingernails, and the occasional imperfection that graced my hand with its presence. I looked down at my feet, and the same observation came across my eyes. I moved my eyes up my body until I noticed that they had put me in a helmet, one that I could only imagine a shape that they had crafted for me. But I noticed something strange, that I couldnít put my finger on. Was it that they had put some sort of clothing on me since they had last visited me and I had awoken? Or had they forgotten to do something that was a critical part of my imprisonment? The latter was correct. I noticed that my hand wasnít put into the cuff that it was usually put in. My hand was free.
    I moved my hand, so that I could feel itís presence once more, and moved it so that I could no longer see the man documenting me any more, and I gave a push to the glass that I was imprisoned in. The only thing I saw as the glass break, and the top of the container collapse on top of me. I pushed the top of the container off of me, and looked around, noticing the observerís body lying on the ground with blood around his corpse; a feeling that I hadnít had since my imprisonment. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw the guards rush in, with guns in their hands. I never liked guns, and I knew what their orders were if I were to somehow get loose in the containment area, for it had happened once before. Their orders: Kill any organism that was in imprisonment if it were to escape.
    I raised my hand once more, and pushed like last time. The feeling was as ecstatic as the first time I had used my power, and I saw one guard fly to the wall, impaled through the chest by my awesome power. The two other guards that were around me screamed as they saw there co-worker fly to the wall in a heap of blood and agony, and one screamed ďKill the Bitch!Ē I saw them pull the triggers on their guns, and noticed the bullets coming at me like nothing I had ever seen before. It was jaw dropping, and I hadnít encountered anything like it. It seemed as if the bullets were moving slower than I was, and that I could go up and touch one without any problems. I knew better. I raised my and while running to the side of the room, another feeling I hadnít felt in a long while, and pushed like the previous times. I missed both guards, but somehow hit one of the bullets pouring out of their guns. The reaction was magnificent; a clash of my power and the gunís created a spark like never seen. And somehow, the bullet was propelled backwards, nearly hitting one of the guards. I soon came back to reality, sprinting across the room like the wind that I hadnít felt in years.
    The guards, still pouring bullets out of their guns, trying to hit me, were attempting to anticipate my next move. I moved my hand up as I jumped into the air, and pushed like I had never before, and saw one of the guards bodies propelled backwards, onto itís torso, so itís legs were bent backwards, and his head flying off to the distance. I wanted to celebrate as I had never seen something like this before, but knew that the other guard was my most important enemy at this time. I landed close to the guard, still firing his gun at me. I rolled, and noticed a stop in the stream of bullets, figuring out that he had to reload to keep firing at me. I got up from the floor, as close as ever to the guard, and look at him, with his terrified face staring back at me. I moved my hand so that it was pointed between his eyes. The guard, looked at me, and kneeled on the ground, putting his hands together as if he was praying. Looking at me with closed, but teary eyes, he begged, ďPlease spare me, I can help you get out of this place! Please, just donít kill me, Iíll do anything!Ē I looked at him with my hand still directed at his face, and said, ď Why shouldnít I kill you. You were one of the many that didnít help me get out when they first captured me. You were one of the many that didnít react when you saw the atrocities they did to me. You were one of the many that should be killed for just being who you are. And that is youíre ultimate weakness.Ē
    Still holding my hand to his face, I pushed it against his head, and saw his face spread into several different directions, and his expression change from closed eyes and mouth, to his eyes open to a distraught look, and his mouth open so that I could see the back of his throat, still in motion. Blood was all around me, and I looked up as red flashing lights in all directions turned on. I walked towards the exit, and saw a dozen guards move into position at the end of the hallway I was moving into. They all had guns, and were ready to begin fire as soon as I got close enough.
    I moved to the opening of the door where the hallway began, and saw their commanding officer move his hand as it he was to strike one of his soldiers, and yell ďFire!Ē I knew what this meant, soon moved my hand to point at one of the walls to my sides. I pushed my hand, and a hole in the wall was created, which I ran through to hide from their fire. I found myself in a type of office, dark, but flashing red to alert an emergency. I thought to myself, that if there was one office here, then there must be many next to it. I moved my hand to the side of the office, still hearing the guards trying to hit me, and fired my power to the wall. I ran though, and saw I was in another office. I kept running, firing my power to the next wall in that direction until I noticed to my left, that the guards anticipated my move, and were getting ready to fire into the room I was in.
    I moved my left hand, one that I hadnít fired with yet, and pushed to see if it had the same power as my right hand did. I soon saw that their arms had been torn of their bodies, in a heap of blood and confusion. I saw myself looking at my left hand, trying to find what had just happened. I soon figured out that if I were to stop moving, then guards were going to find me and start fire on me again. I continued blasting through the walls, seeing more guards move to the doorways of the offices to begin fire. I kept pushing my left hand at them, and seeing different ways they were taken out, finding it strange that they were dying in different ways each time I tried to make the same action occur when I moved me left hand.
    [center:1zstuksu]His tears cannot, as he proclaims his love, be held with lightning back;[/center:1zstuksu]


    [center:1zstuksu]They fondly dance into an open window, and fondly dance with mine.[/center:1zstuksu]

  2. #2
    lucien is queen Hazzystan's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2008

    Re: A Crown of Thorns

    It wasn't very exciting, try to use both long and short sentences (long at descriptive parts, short at exciting parts that you want to capture the readers attention).
    I haven't had time to read all of it, so I'll give you full CC tomorrow.
    what is homo love?


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