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  1. #1
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    The Inter Galactic War

    [center:33hrkg1e]The Inter Galactic War[/center:33hrkg1e]

    Prologue

    The whole landscape, the maroon sand on the ground... dark red mountains in the distance... it is covered with dead bodies...human and alien alike... I am stuck. I cannot move. The stench of decay is filling my nostrils. I try calling out...but my voice is gone. A humanoid shape in the distance... turns round and lifts up a gun and aims at me... I try to run but my legs don't work. And as I hear the gunshot...

    I wake from the nightmare that I've been having for the past month.

    Chapter One

    I jump down from my top bunk and look to see if Hammer is there. Hammer isn't his real name, we just use code names referring to the skills we are best at. Hammer uses many big and heavy two handed swords and other heavy weapons. Hammer has deep-set black eyes that are like two cups of black coffee. His thick, straight, amber hair is worn in a style that reminds me of a gush of water. He is short and has a graceful build. His skin is tanned. I already know that he'll either be having his second breakfast or training, the doctors always said he had a big metabolism, so he needs to eat more than us. Then I hear some noise outside my cabin room and go to the door, to find...

    Just the ships janitor, on his way to clean something up, but as far as I know he could be going anywhere on this big ship. I go to a nearby window and take a look outside, at the usual sight of vast, dark space. Then I look to the side, and see the ships engines, and suddenly I remember the day we learned about our ship.

    I am back in our history classroom, back at the Training Academy. The tables are all facing forwards, and they are designed for two people. I remember even further back, how everyone hated having to do maths, history and other subjects, but the teachers always said that not everybody here studied, and as everyone was being called up after Emperor John Sybil was assasinated, for some reason that most of us do not know, due to the fact of this war going on for at least a century now, we all had to study as part of our training. The Inter Galactic Empire have set out soldiers to conquer the planets who want the Syndicate Republic to be back in charge. Back in the classroom, I see our teacher talking about Titanic. She pulls out a blueprint with a sort of Titanic with no funnels in top, except a big glass dome covering the deck. The ship also looks to have 4 big engines at the back. Our teacher turns around and asks a question "Is there anyone here in C Squadron?" I put up my hand, as did Hammer and some other people in class. "Good. This here is the blueprint for your ship, Titanic Mark II". Many people started talking to each other, I looked up at my new friend Hammer, but before codenames we were known as "You There" and "Kid", though Hammer got frequently called "Big Guy". He was just chewing on his pencil, silently, so I thought about it myself.

    I was 19 back then, I'm 23 now. Then the captains old and croaky voice comes through the speaker phone, "All to the Assembly Hall immediately, I repeat, all to the Assembly Hall immediately". By the sound of his voice it was nothing important, but just to be sure I got washed quickly, stuck on a t-shirt and jeans, picked up my Phazer Sword, put it in its sheath and attached it to my jeans. I then started power walking to the assembly hall, but as I heard a loud explosion in the assembly hall's area, I started to run.

    As I run flat out, I hear loud banging beside me, and I look to my right to see Hammer, wolfing down a bowl of cereal while running. "Hey Sabre!" he shouts through a mouth full of food. I was about to say hi when we heard some laser rifles, unmistakably Sydicate Republics favourite rifle, the Lithodisruptor. Hammer throws away his cereal bowl and pulls his axe from a sheath on his back, and I take my Phazer sword. I remember the day I received it...


    Buy me V.I.P. or GTFO!

    Quote Originally Posted by Chip'
    I tried a white hand shake on my best friend whos black.


    We were confused.

  2. #2
    lucien is queen Hazzystan's Avatar

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    Re: The Inter Galactic War

    The idea of the prologue seems an awful lot like my story. I'll just leave it to coincidence >.>

    Anyway, you haven't written enough for me to give you any CC worth reading, so I'll wait until you've updated.
    what is homo love?

  3. #3
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    Re: The Inter Galactic War

    Sorry about the coincidence, I didnt read anything before doing this, I just put together some sci fi movies I know and boom! I thought up this. I'm going to update RIGHT NOW ok? OK.


    Buy me V.I.P. or GTFO!

    Quote Originally Posted by Chip'
    I tried a white hand shake on my best friend whos black.


    We were confused.

  4. #4
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    Re: The Inter Galactic War

    EDIT BUMP

    So how is it now?


    Buy me V.I.P. or GTFO!

    Quote Originally Posted by Chip'
    I tried a white hand shake on my best friend whos black.


    We were confused.

  5. #5
    lucien is queen Hazzystan's Avatar

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    Re: The Inter Galactic War

    I remember even further back, how everyone hated having to do maths, history and other subjects, but the teachers always said that not everybody here studied, and as everyone was being called up after Emperor John Sybil was assasinated, for some reason that most of us do not know, due to the fact of this war going on for at least a century now, we all had to study as part of our training.
    That is a really long sentence, try to shorten them a bit.

    Also, you just throw information in my face. You should gradually reveal the story instead of blurting it out in one paragraph. It may seem clear in your head, but it's really complex to the reader.
    what is homo love?

  6. #6
    Fanatic Enthusiast Deimos's Avatar

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    Re: The Inter Galactic War

    I'm not a very big fan of sci fi's, but this story was pretty good! I only noticed a couple of areas where where you should have added some more detail.
    I wake from the nightmare that I've been having for the past month.
    Maybe instead make it look something along the lines of:
    I wake with sweat pouring form my brow, from the nightmare that I've been having for the past month.
    ^Not very much more detail, but more helps.

    Also here:
    I then started power walking to the assembly hall, but as I heard a loud explosion in the assembly hall's area, I started to run.
    Once again, just a little bit more detail, the fact that there was an explosion should be emphasized just a little bit more description:
    I then started power walking to the assembly hall, but then a massive explosion shook the ship, coming from the direction of the assembly hall, and when the ship settled again, I started to run.
    Really the only problems I found with the story was the lack of descriptive words in those sentences, other than that, It was very good and it was fun to read keep it up
    v The Thread v

  7. #7
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    Re: The Inter Galactic War

    Small 1 paragraph update.


    Buy me V.I.P. or GTFO!

    Quote Originally Posted by Chip'
    I tried a white hand shake on my best friend whos black.


    We were confused.


 

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