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  1. #1
    Fanatic Enthusiast Spaz's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    GREAT Britian

    Drop off - Intro

    Just an intro to a story I started to write back when the writing fad was about (though I actually started thinking about it before, but ah well).. nothing amazing, but yeah.. some changes I needed to make so it wasn't so predictable or whatever, but I'll do that later.. comments for now?

    Drop off - Intro

    “He said it would be behind the warehouse, underneath the plywood” Tim said as he turned his torch to look at his brother who was strolling round a turned over skip “I can’t see where else they could stash the case in a place like this”.
    Tim’s brother, Paul shrugged with a so what look on his face. He was a small kid, 11 years old and shorter than most others his age, though his couldn’t care less attitude gave him a reputation of being someone older. He had been dragged out by his brother and didn’t fancy getting a headache from his mums yelling when they got back after 10pm. “Come on” Paul whined as his brother carried on searching around the back of the warehouse, “mum’s going to kill us if we’re late again”.
    “If I don’t get this case and hand it in to the boss my necks on the line, I could really do with your help, and not your fucking constant whining!” Tim snapped back.
    He knew he had power over his brother and always used it to his advantage. He was a couple of feet taller, 4 years older, smarter and stronger than his little brother, and had a decent reputation for being short tempered.
    Paul caught on that he was close to a beating from his own brother and shut up. He set off to help out with lifting plywood and boxes to check the area out, when he heard a gun shot in the distance. A couple more shots fired and the sound echoed around them. Both boys froze for a few seconds before a fourth shot was fired, though this time it was the scream from a woman that spooked them out.
    The shots had gone off just the other side of the Warehouse and it was the sort of thing that Tim dreaded the most about accepting pick up jobs. He quickly swept up the final piece of plywood and to his relief there lay a black briefcase inside a recently dug out ditch, about thirty centimetres deep. “Let’s move fast, we don’t want those guys finding out we’ve swiped their pay and I don’t think they’ll hesitate to pull the trigger cause we’re kids” Tim whispered as he picked up the black briefcase. It weighed more than he thought and stumbled a few steps before gaining balance again, “Bloody hell, I thought he said it was just cash.”
    “What do you recon… gold?” Paul asked as they hurried over the loose wire fencing that they had come over to get to the back of the warehouse.
    “I doubt it… but this doesn’t seem right. I was told it’d be a routine pick up and that there shouldn’t be any trouble. This weighs a lot heavier than any others before, and I don’t know what the hell that shooting was”.
    The two boys ran for a couple hundred metres across dry dirt, before reaching an abandoned barn. About 20 metres high and rusty looking paint job, it was an ideal place to stop and catch their breaths while contacting their ride home.

    It was 20 minutes before beams of light shone through the cracks in the Barn, and a mud splattered pick up truck pulled in front of the Barn, honking its horn at the two boys inside.
    Evenin' - PM?

  2. #2
    Regular Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2008

    Re: Drop off - Intro

    thats pretty dang nice storyline is that it or are you ever gonna finish that if you havent
    No man can climb out beyond the limitations of his own character.
    -- John Morley

    -----------------------------MY THREAD-------------------------


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