Hello and welcome to our community! Is this your first visit?
Register
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17

Thread: The Ring

  1. #1
    Fanatic Enthusiast

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    TOKYO
    Posts
    2,644

    The Ring

    The Ring
    (Is that the name of a horror movie? I dunno, if it is, I'm pretty sure this story is different.)


    Charles Fullbright stared at the TV. "Do you have problems finding your cellphone? NOW, get the cellclip for 10.99! But Wait! Call right now, and we'll send you a second cellclip ABSOLUTELY FREE!" Damn commercials. What the hell was with this crazy guy with a beard on all the obnoxious commercials?
    "Charles!" A voice pulled Charles out of his thoughts.
    "Yeah mom?" Charles answered.
    "I need to take my pills, come get me a glass of water!"
    "Okay mom," Charles was 19, and he still lived with his mom, This was because his mom was handicapped, paralized from the waist down. Charles stayed with his mom and kept care of her.
    While Charles poured a glass of water for his mom, he heard two gunshots. They had come from the house on the right. Charles ran outside and almost tripped on his cat Miller on his way out.
    When Charles got outside he looked over at the run-down slum of a house. The paint was cracking, the shingles were falling off, and the grass was above a grown man's knees. A woman was running out of the front door, she looked like she weas bleeding pretty badly. Charles ran to her and caught her before she fell into the long grass. "Are you ok?" He asked.
    She stumbled over her words. "I-I-" She paused. "Kill... th-th-that... thing!" She finished and drooped her head, but her chest was still moving.
    Charles stood up and dailed 911 on his cellphone as fast as he could. The whole time he dialed he was worried he would mess up and it would cost the ladie's life. But Charles managed to correctly enter the number, and soon the police arrived.


    The woman was taken to the hospital with a bullet in her back, and inside the house was found two dead bodies. A young child, and a man with a shaggy beard. As far as anyone could guess, the man had shot the woman and child, and then the woman had turned the gun on him.
    6 months later the commotion had died out, but the poor woman died after three weeks in a coma. Charles bought the old run down house, he thought he could fix it up and sell it for enough money to get a helper for his mom.
    Charles had a contractor named Jimwith him inside the house looking at what he should fix up. "The sink is gone through the floor," Jim said. "It looks like they had leaking problems and it rot the floor away."
    "I wouldn't be surprised." Charles said and gave a little chuckle.
    Charles' cellphone rang. "Don't mind me," he said to Jim and answered it.
    The person on the other line was a telemarketer trying to sell three vacuums for the price of one. "Why in hell would I want three vacuums?" Charles said and hung up. He walked back to the kitchen and found his contracter lying face down on the floor with a knife in his back.



    "Oh my god." Charles started to run. Something gave him the feeling that this place was haunted, or occupied by ghosts. Wait, is that the same thing? No time for that, he was falling through a hole in the floor now.
    "Shit!" he yelled before hitting the ground in the basement.


    Charles woke up. He was lying face down on the concrete. Everything was blurry. Charles sat up and shook his head. Then he remembered. he looked around and saw a staircase to his right. He ran upstairs and went around a corner. Then he bumped into a small short figure with curly white hair.
    "Mom?"
    Charles' mom spoke in an odd raspy deep voice. "Give it back." She said.
    "What?"
    "Give me my ring back." She said and held a knife up to Charles' throat.
    "What the hell are you talking about?"
    "Give me my Goddamn Ring!" Mom yelled.
    Charles didn't say anything, and his mother slit his throat.

  2. #2
    Devoted Veteran
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    10,069

    Re: The Ring

    Kinda suspenseful. But, what the fuck?

  3. #3
    Fanatic Enthusiast

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    TOKYO
    Posts
    2,644

    Re: The Ring

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Phoenix
    Kinda suspenseful. But, what the fuck?
    What?

  4. #4
    Devoted Veteran
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    10,069

    Re: The Ring

    It was confusing..

    D:

  5. #5
    Fanatic Enthusiast

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    TOKYO
    Posts
    2,644

    Re: The Ring

    Oh yeah... I kinda rushed... and don't get on me that I should take a long time on writing, I know... but yeah....

  6. #6
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    residing in the very depths of my imagination
    Posts
    87

    Re: The Ring

    Wow...well I do agree with Blue when he said it was a little confusing but I love the idea. I think if you spent a little bit more time on it, making it a bit longer and refining the idea a little more, you would end up with a great writing piece. Right now, to me, it almost feels like a summary; almost as if you were summarizing a different story. I don't want to "get on you" as you put it before but I think you have a great idea that could turn into something amazing.
    [img]http://**********.com/img/1230967952.png[/img]

  7. #7
    Fanatic Enthusiast

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    TOKYO
    Posts
    2,644

    Re: The Ring

    Thanks man, I might refine it whenever I'm done with my 'masterpiece', The Missing Peice... Thanks for the input.

  8. #8
    Enthusiast

    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    1,129

    Re: The Ring

    The story itself was great, very descriptive, but what ring? Did I miss something?

  9. #9
    Fanatic Enthusiast

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    TOKYO
    Posts
    2,644

    Re: The Ring

    Quote Originally Posted by Garbledina
    The story itself was great, very descriptive, but what ring? Did I miss something?
    'The Ring' part was supposed to be confusing.
    Charles doesn't know what the hell 'the ring' is, and so when all these weird things are happening because of some ring, he gets freaked out and you're supposed to too. Then he dies. It's a tradegy/horror (A scary story that ends with the protagonist dying) lol.

  10. #10
    Enthusiast

    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    1,129

    Re: The Ring

    Quote Originally Posted by Gawdzilla
    Quote Originally Posted by Garbledina
    The story itself was great, very descriptive, but what ring? Did I miss something?
    'The Ring' part was supposed to be confusing.
    Charles doesn't know what the hell 'the ring' is, and so when all these weird things are happening because of some ring, he gets freaked out and you're supposed to too. Then he dies. It's a tradegy/horror (A scary story that ends with the protagonist dying) lol.
    When you put it that way, it was perfect. It gave me the feeling of "What the hell is going on?" as if I were Charles.


 
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •