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  1. #1
    Sporadic Poster Benj's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2009

    A story I had abandoned. Should I resume it? (VERY LONG!)

    One of Mind

    Prologue: Clay

    Clay Elmer Rand was born on July 16th, at 4:40 pm. He was born to a doctor, Elmer Jacob Rand, and an accountant, Serena Rashiv Rand, a Russian immigrant from when she was three. Clay was a healthy child, born without complications, and he was able to leave the hospital after the shortest of stays. His parents took him home, where he stayed in their newly constructed nursery until he was a year and a half old, when he outgrew his small room. After that, his parents gave him a larger room, that had formerly been his mothers sewing room, and the sewing room moved to the old nursery. Serena much preferred the new room. The walls remained covered with the paper from Clay’s babyhood, and she found it comforting, and sometimes inspirational. Clay much enjoyed his bigger room. Most of his childhood was spent in it, until he started school.

    Clay attended a relatively small preschool, with only thirty other children, four days a week for half a day at a time. He loved his school, he made friends quickly. He wasn’t rough on his teacher, and he learned the lessons at an above average speed. Early on, Clay had the makings of being a fine and upstanding individual. From his earliest memory, his parents had encouraged him to be kind to others, and he took their words to heart.

    Clay had the perfect family, and a very good life. He was smart, nice, popular, and destined for great things. Nothing could have stopped him from becoming one of the most generous people alive. One man, Henry Bowers, changed everything.

    On the night of April fifth, when Clay was six years old, his family went out to dinner. They were celebrating, as Serena had just discovered she was pregnant for a second time. They went out, had the grandest of times, and then headed home.

    On that same night, Henry Bowers had been hit hard. He had lost his job, fired because he showed up drunk, and his wife, who had divorced him because he drank too much. As you can probably guess, Henry had a problem with alcohol.

    Well, on that same night of April fifth, Henry had been out forgetting his woes by drowning himself in the local taverns finest brew. He had become quite drunk when he decided he wanted to appeal to his ex-wife for a second chance. He left the bar, fumbled for almost ten minutes, and then flew from the parking lot in a screeching blaze of glory.

    Now had Henry taken just a few more seconds, or a few less, he would have missed the Rand’s car. But he did not, and he crashed into their car as he was flying around a turn at almost three times the legal 30mph speed limit. The crash was devastating for both parties. Henry had forgotten his seatbelt, and died instantaneously. His car had smashed into Elmer’s side, killing him immediately as well. Serena smashed her head against her window, and died an hour later of blunt force trauma.

    Clay however was a different story. He survived the crash, and was taken to the hospital, where doctors tried to repair him as best they could. Clay had several near calls. One in particular, the very last one before he stabilized, became a legend of that hospital.

    Clay had been being operated on for two hours, with his heart stopping twice before. Both times, the doctors had managed to revive him after a few seconds, but the third time his heart stopped, it stayed stopped. The doctors were frantic, using CPR and defibrillators to try and restart his heartbeat. All their efforts failed, and Clay was pronounced dead.

    Ten seconds after the declaration, and over seven minutes since his heart had stopped, it began again. The doctors were stunned. Not only had Clay’s heart restarted after seven minutes, but it had restarted all of its own accord. The doctors were struggling to explain it, and in the end they really couldn’t. They began using the word “miracle” quite a bit around the ER.

    Clay knew none of this, he was still unconscious, but he had stabilized, and was going to be fine. He was only expected to stay in the hospital for a week, maybe two.

    However, the accident did leave its mark on Clay, in more ways than one. His right leg had been badly broken, and despite numerous orthopedic surgeries, he would walk with a cane for the rest of his life. Clay took that in stride, even joking about it with his friends some.

    Clay was left to live with his aunt, from his father’s side. She had never married, nor had children. She had longed for her own family for years, and when she became Clay’s guardian, she treated him incredibly well, she practically spoiled him. Clay, like any child who gets spoiled, took full advantage of this, and became the envy of his class when he received a scooter for his seventh birthday.

    Clay took to his new life rather quickly. He settled in to his new routine without difficulty. It helped that he continued going to the same school, and he still had all of his friends to lean on. But as any person must know, being dead for seven minutes leaves a profound impact of a person. In the case of Clay, it gave him uncanny new abilities. He could do things no ordinary person could. He was able to tap into the very energy that powers the human mind, giving him the abilities much akin to those of psychics. He could read minds with ease, and he could conjure images of any type in a person’s mind.

    He also gained abilities outside that of the human mind; abilities which are difficult to describe. He could communicate with any person he wishes, at any time. He could conjure ghostly images, and then give them substance, he could perform indescribable feats.

    I must apologize to the reader right now, as I cannot truly describe the things young Clay could do after the accident. I can only hope that the tale I am about to tell can shed some light on the life of Clay, and I must also hope that the reader may be able to forgive the actions of Clay and others, but I fear I am getting ahead of myself at this time.

    You the reader must know one last detail; Clay did not show off his abilities. He still adhered to the lessons his parents had given him, that a person must be kind, caring, and humble. The only people Clay told about his new abilities were a small group of his closest friends. They never told a soul.

    Now let us fast forward our tale ten years, Clay at the age on sixteen. Now in high school, and still friends with all the people with whom he shared his deepest secret.

    Reggie Marksman woke when his cell phone uttered a high pitch ring. He sat bolt upright, groped around in the dark until he found a light, and then grabbed his phone. Fumbling it open he spoke. “Hullo?” “Reg, its Clay.” Reggie couldn’t think straight. Clay who? “Why you calling me?” Clay answered, “Because we need to start working on our Shop project.” Reggie still couldn’t think. “What, now?” “Yes now, it’s due in a week!” Reggie hung his head. “Clay’s it’s too damn early for this, call me when the sun is up.” Saying this, he closed his phone, and fell back into the bed.

    Five seconds later, a bright glow filled his room. Reggie looked up, and saw a silvery, shining version of Clay sitting in his computer chair. “Go ‘way” he muttered. Clay just sat there, smirking. “Seriously! Leave me alone!” Reggie threw his sneaker at Clay, but since this was only a projection of Clay, the shoe went harmlessly through him, and smashed into the wall. Clay laughed.

    “Reggie, its eleven thirty. It’s time for you to get your ass out of bed so we can build the goddamn model bridge thing.” Reggie groaned, Clay laughed again. “You watch your language in my room,” Reggie muttered. “Shove it” Clay answered, and laughed again. “Seriously though, we need to get to work.”

    Reggie knew he was right. He sat up. “Fine, let me shower first though ok?” Clay nodded. “Considering I’ll have to actually get over here for real, you’ll have tons of time. I have to walk. My aunt took the car today.” Reggie laughed. “That’s a bitch man.” The Clay hologram held up his cane. “I know it’s only two blocks, but this thing sucks.” Reggie smirked. “Next time, don’t get into a car crash and nearly die dumb ass.” Clay laughed. “Well then we wouldn’t be able to do this. I would be reduced to calling your phone.” “True, but at least you would be able to get over here fast.” Reggie got serious. “I’ll go over to your place. You have a better basement for this anyways.” Clay agreed, and a few seconds later, he vanished in a flash of light.

    Reggie sat up, and groaned. “Damn you Clay” He muttered, and then he got up and headed for the shower. Half an hour later, he walked into Clay’s living room. “Alright douche bag, let’s get to work” Clay grinned, and stood up. “Lead the way then Reg.”

    Both of them headed for the basement, Reggie helping Clay hobble down the stairs. “This leg is a bitch” Clay muttered. Reggie just said “Quit complaining. A staircase is better than two blocks.” Clay sighed, “Not by much.”

    When both men finally get to the basement, they spend almost four hours
    playing Playstation, and later Pool. When they finally sat down to get busy, another factor held them up; they had no idea of how to build a model bridge. Both of them sat there, staring at the grid paper for a few minutes, before Reggie stood up. “This sucks. I’m going home dude.” Clay sighed, hung his head, but then sat up. “Hold up, I think I have an idea.” “It had better be good” Reggie answered “Or I’m leaving.”

    Clay grinned, “Oh you’ll love it.” He closed his eyes, and a few seconds later, a shiny, silvery bridge model appeared on the table. Reggie was impressed. “Damn Clay, that thing is incredible!” Clay reached out, grabbed a side of the bridge, and spun it. “Now, if we design our trusses like this, then we get more stability than say (The image changed to a different bridge) like this.” Reggie looked at it closely. “True, but then we also get more stress on the base, which will break it easier.”

    Reggie reached out, but stopped short of touching the projection. “Is it safe?” He asked. Clay nodded. “Go ahead and touch it.” Reggie grabbed one leg, it felt warm, and there was a slight vibration. Reggie looked down at it. “Now what we need is to string these supports up in a fashion like…” Before Reggie finished talking, the idea he had appeared on the bridge. Clay laughed. “Since you’re touching it, it responds to your thoughts.” Reggie just looked at it, and then started explaining his idea again.

    Well, the two boys worked on the thing for about three hours, before Reggie had to back home for dinner. “Lasagna night, I never miss it.” Reggie said. Clay just laughed, and said goodbye. After Reggie was gone, Clay went to the freezer, and pulled out some burger patties. He grinned, Clay loved burgers, and he set about making a five star gourmet hamburger. Then Clay went to bed, after playing some more Playstation.

    Amanda Richter was pissed. Her phone wasn’t working, and she needed it. Her phone was her life, without it, she was cut off socially from her friends. She was trying everything she could to get it to work, but nothing was happening, and the screen remained dark. She was standing in the school hallway, fighting with it.
    “You stupid piece of shit!” Amanda yelled. “Work damn it!” She mashed the keypad with her thumbs. She was shaking it, and she smacked it with one hand. Still no avail, the screen still was dark. Amanda finally had enough. She turned and tossed her phone as hard as she could at a wall. A split second before it hit the wall and
    exploded, it stopped, hovering in the air.

    Amanda whirled around, and there was Clay, holding his hand up, a golden glow surrounding it. He smiled, and moved his hand slightly. Amanda’s phone shot into Clay’s hand before she had time to blink. Clay handed it back to her silently. She scowled at it.

    “What’s the matter with it?” Clay asked. “That’s just it, I have no idea,” Amanda answered, “It just won’t turn on. It was working fine a few minutes ago, and then it just died.” Clay looked down at it, thinking. Suddenly, the phone broke apart completely. Every part was floating separately. Amanda looked at it, horrified to see her phone in pieces. Clay calmly went about; bringing each piece up to his face to look at it. The fourth piece he inspected seemed to be the problematic part. A wire inside had come loose from its connection. Clay shoved the wire back in, and a short golden flash ensured that it would stay there.

    The phone reassembled itself quickly, and then floated in front of Amanda. She reached up and grabbed it. The phone came on in her hands. She grinned. “Oh Clay, thank you so much!” She walked up to him and kissed his cheek. Clay turned red and lowered his head. Amanda laughed. “Don’t be so shy Clay.” Clay looked up a bit, and grinned sheepishly He mumbled a quiet “Don’t mention it.” Amanda grinned at him and walked away.

    Just then the bell rang to start class. Amanda swore; she was late. She rushed down the hallway, and she managed to get into the room without the teacher noticing her late entry. She sat down, hoping to get this period over with quickly. The teacher, Mr. Derrick, made sure it went slowly and painfully.
    “Miss Richter, could you please explain how we solve this problem?” Amanda groaned quietly. Math was her worst subject. She walked up to the board, and managed to solve the problem without completely embarrassing herself. She sat back down and put her head down, waiting for the next bell.

    She didn’t stay comfortable for long. The teacher handed out a packet of papers, and assigned the first three to be done for the next day. Amanda made a mental note to learn voodoo, and shove pins up Mr. Derrick’s derriere. She pursed her lips, and got busy. She was halfway done with the second sheet when the bell rang.
    Her next class was Biology. She liked science a lot more then Trig, and she excelled in it. It also helped that both Reggie and Clay were in her class. She walked in, sat down, and waited for her friends. Reggie walked in a minute later, decked out in his football uniform. The team had a game that day, and Amanda was planning on going and giving Reggie her support. He was the second string Running Back, but he was supposed to get a lot of playing time this game.

    The rest of the class filed in, and Amanda was surprised that Clay wasn’t in the room. He usually arrived first, because he left every class early. She was worried that he wasn’t there. It made things worse when the principal came in and spoke to the teacher quietly. Amanda was getting really worried when Clay appeared behind the principal. He quietly sneaked past him, and limped slowly to a seat, diagonal in front of Amanda, next to Reggie.

    Amanda leaned in, “Why are you late Clay?” Clay just shook his head, and put it on his desk. Reggie looked over, but he didn’t say anything. Instead he looked at Amanda and shook his head slightly. She got the hint not to press Clay for details.
    Amanda learned the details going to the next class though. From what she gathered, Clay had fallen down the stairs, the longest flight in the school to boot, and he had started at the top. Amanda felt her heart tug a bit at that. She felt very sorry for Clay; his bad leg was a huge impediment in his life. He was too proud to take the elevator, even though it would be a good idea.

    She also felt for him because he had an enormous secret, and he couldn’t share it with anyone. She knew it was hard on him not to tell anyone besides the small group he already had, and she knew it would be easier if he would just let the world know, but she also knew he didn’t want to become a media fixation, he had had his share of that being the towns “Miracle Baby” as the papers had put it.
    Amanda looked up from her thoughts, and she saw Clay limping by her quickly, looking down, and she knew that he noticed the pointing, and the whispers. She ran to catch him. “Clay! Clay wait!” Clay whirled around, an insult on his lips. When he saw it was Amanda, he relaxed a bit. She ran up to him. “I heard what happened Clay…You alright?” Clay scowled. “I’m fine. Really, I am.” He turned to walk away again. Amanda reached out and lightly grabbed his shoulder. “Good, cuz I don’t wanna see you in the hospital again Clay. That hurt enough once. Especially because we were so young, so please be careful.” Clay didn’t turn around, nor did he say anything. Amanda slowly let go of him and walked away. Clay kept his back to her, hoping she wouldn’t notice the tear trailing down his cheek, but she did.

    Idk about it. It seems kind of hokey. I'm not very good at writing anything lovey dovey.

    Should I continue?

    Fail sigs available upon request.

  2. #2
    Devoted Veteran
    Join Date
    Aug 2008

    Re: A story I had abandoned. Should I resume it? (VERY LONG!)

    You have talent, I'll give you that. The idea was nice, but the characters seemed to lack personality a bit, maybe show more descriptive actions.

    It kept my attention throughout, which is amazing for something this long. I say definitely continue.

  3. #3
    Sporadic Poster Benj's Avatar

    Join Date
    Feb 2009

    Re: A story I had abandoned. Should I resume it? (VERY LONG!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Blue Phoenix
    You have talent, I'll give you that. The idea was nice, but the characters seemed to lack personality a bit, maybe show more descriptive actions.

    It kept my attention throughout, which is amazing for something this long. I say definitely continue.
    The characters are supposed to be underdeveloped for now, Later chapters will shed more light on them, and on the missing ten years (heh). I just do'nt have any ideas on where to go with it. I just know that Clay will become a problem =p.

    Fail sigs available upon request.


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