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Thread: The Tight Roper

  1. #1
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    The Tight Roper

    The Tight Roper

    -Chapter One-

    "Why in god's name did I ever agree to this? Why? I mean-- you understand. I feel like I have ten days to live, and that could be true. Stupid Connor. Stupid, stupid, Connor."

    This, is me. I thinks it's apparent I need to rethink my life a little.

    Well, first off, I'm black. And white men aren't necessarily kind to the colored race, especially during this time. I have hope, though. Hope that someday, one of us will do something so incredible, and so amazing, that they'll have to respect us. And treat us as equals to them. Don't ask me why, because I'm not sure, but the second this crazy dream got into my fanatic head, the first thing that popped into my mind was tight rope walking. Honesty it terrifies me. The fear of falling off, the nervousness in front of crowds. I had actually never tight roped before, so I guess I was just assuming. But then again, I've never been hit by a car, but I assume it hurts. Anyway, the fact is that tight roping is mind-bogglingly scary. And it just kept getting better.

    Even though my people are segregated, I try to look at the positive things in life. I have a house with a roof, plenty of space to play with my five brothers, Phillip, Phillipe, Phillipo, Phillice, and Phillane. And then there was me. Phil. I looked exactly like each of my brothers. Short, brown eyes, black hair in a curly fashion, and fast running. Me, in particular, though I don't mean to brag-- I was the fastest> And the skinniest. I thought this would aid me on a tight rope. Was I ever wrong. I'll get into that later. Luckily, since we're all two years apart, we can tell who's who. But we all would have looked the exact same if we were born at the same time. Thank god for my mom we weren't. For now, let's stay on topic. The good things about being black. Well, one of the good things about being colored is that when you do something incredible, the white men are more impressed, because no one expects anything of you in the first place. If you think about it, for a black ten year old boy, I'm living the good life. Not the life a white ten year old boy would live, but a good life, nonetheless.
    [center:3os0a0g2]KATY PERRY DRESSES LIKE A FREAKING CLOWN. [/center:3os0a0g2]

  2. #2
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    Re: The Tight Roper

    fragments... fragments everywhere. your sentences are really short and you overuse commas. also try not to start sentences with the word 'and'. my english teacher drilled that much into my head.

    it was good though, i liked the feeling of doubt you put into it, even if it was a bit clumsy from a grammar perspective. it was well laid out, good use of dialogue.
    Elite Forgotten

  3. #3
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    Re: The Tight Roper

    -Chapter Two-

    Oh boy. Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. "Can you believe it, Phillipe? Today's the day! I'm going to Springfield! Today!" Phillipe looked at me, a blank, confused look on his face. H shook his head ignorantly and turned his attention back to his cereal. "Yea," I sighed. "That's right." Each of my brothers are older than me, which made me the youngest. At a certain age, or when my mom thought we were ready, whichever came first, she brought us with her in the morning to see Springfield. She went there every morning to pick up groceries, run errands, and what not. Every time one of the boys had gone, they had practically barged through the door with a singularly extravagant entry, telling dramatic epics about their day in huge, beautiful Springfield. The huge buildings with pointy tips that seem to pierce the sky, bustling streets filled with lively, talkative, and friendly merchants and street performers. All except Phillipe. He ran into a well dressed white man in the street on accident, and even though he apologized over and over again, he was pushed to the ground and forced to apologize. He entered the house that day staring at the floor, a shocked look in the face. We could all still see the salty remains of the tears that had flooded his eyes.

    I quickly turned from him. No need to bring that up. Across the table from Phillipe was Phillipo. He, out of all the rest, had had the best stories. On the other hand, he as an expert at sugar coating things, so it's a little hard to say whether he had the best time or not.

    "Hey, Phillipo, I can't believe I'm going to Springfield today! Isn't it great?" Phillipo looked up to Phillipe, who shot us both a deathly stare. This was his signature I'm going to tie you to a tree by your intestines if you don't shut up glare. Me and Phillipo both immediately shut ou
    r mouths. He gave me a wink, though. I had a feeling it was going to be a good day.
    [center:3os0a0g2]KATY PERRY DRESSES LIKE A FREAKING CLOWN. [/center:3os0a0g2]


 

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