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Thread: Silver Blood

  1. #1
    Senior Member Eraser's Avatar

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    Aug 2008
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    Arizona / U.S.
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    Silver Blood

    My first (and unfinished) story.

    Chapter 1:
    Death at Disney World


    Have you ever wanted to light things on fire, with your brain?
    Have you ever wanted to pick things up, with your mind?

    Well, be lucky you dont have any powers like Shaun. 'Cuz guess what?
    He hates 'em.

    It all started at the annual family trip to Disney World when Shaun first discovered his powers. He was sitting on a bench in the theme park when he noticed he felt kind of hungry, so he went to grap a corndog. Whene he got to the stand, he forked over $5.95 and gulped it down. He felt happy, it was just the beinning of summer vacation, and Shaun felt like he was on top of the world.
    He was walking down main street to meet his parents at the haunted house when he ran into his friend, Greg.
    "Greg, What are you doing here?" Shaun asked.
    "Ehh, the usual, spending my summer vacation getting paid three stinkin' dollars an hour to walk around the park waring a mask."Greg said hotly.
    "Uhh, so were is the mask?"Shaun retorted.
    "I left it in the studio. These people who run this place are out of there mind! Paying me 3 dollars an hour just to walk around in 100 degree weather wearing a 40 pound mickymouse suit!"
    "Eh heh heh..."
    "Shut it!"
    "Hey, when do you get off from work?"
    "What do you mean off? I quit, stupid manager telling me 'Thats a great wage for a fifteen year old, what are you saying?' I want to shoot him!"
    "Umm, you wanna hit the haunted house with me? I was on my way over and..."
    "Boy would I!"
    "Wait, dont you need to take off the suite?"
    "Nah, see how the manager likes that. He's so persistant..."
    "But i thought you said the suit was hot?"
    "Hmm, good point ol' bean. Maybe i should take it off. Plus, I loke like a total idiot in it."
    "You got that right. Any way, lets go, were waisting daylight."
    "And im waisting valubel sweat, so lets get this show on the road!"
    "With you wearing that suit, it sure will be a show!"
    "Shut up!"
    Thats when it first happend. I didn't mean to do it. It just happend. Its my fault my friend got hurt. I will not let any one die today. Its just to nice out for Disney world to be a giant blood bath. These people have spilled innocent blood. And if you don't think i will get my revenge on what they did to my parrents and sister, then your wrong.
    My name is Shaun Gret, and im a telly. A telly is someone who has different psychic powers. It had never relly acoured to me i had them, but i had been noticing through out my life, that strange things have been happing. My home town is Pheonix Arizona. No wonder i coudn't figure out why i could light things on fire. It was as hot as hell! But don't get me wrong, it may seem like fun being able to light things on fire, read peoples minds and even pick things up with my mind, but trust me, its not. Thats how my best friend, Greg, got hurt. I didn't know how to control my powers, they just escaped. They hurt Greg. They hurt innocent people. But the thing they didn't hurt were the people who were hurting me. I tried to escape but it was just to much.
    [center:1mke87i3][img]http://**********.com/img/1287425509.png[/img][/center:1mke87i3]

  2. #2
    Fanatic Enthusiast Trendy's Avatar

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    Re: Silver Blood

    well, you basically made the beginning details well. you told us the main character, the setting, a curiosity of what will happen next. good job. please continue it and let me see it
    Anonninja -> Zelda -> Kiwi bitch beach -> Hardcore Kid -> Trendy

  3. #3
    Veteran Enthusiast Nour's Avatar

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    Mar 2008
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    Orlando, FL
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    Re: Silver Blood

    Its very boring and straight-forward, its also got quite a few spelling errors.

    But its a nice idea.

    [center:akkfv4h7][/center:akkfv4h7]

    [center:akkfv4h7]"Fuck off bitch, I've got legos to construct."[/center:akkfv4h7]


 

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