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  1. #1

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    North California

    Organization XIII

    "Let me out, Xehanort. Come on, relax awhile. Who cares if I go for a little walk? Free? It will only be for a little while."

    "Nnggg.." I moaned as I dragged myself along the smooth, cement floors of the dark hall. The tacky beige paint that lazily splattered the walls was every so quickly peeling. "Shut up!" I yelled, and questioned if I was really talking to anyone. My cry echoed along the walls of the deep corridor. Quieter. Quieter. And Quieter. Until all it was was a small white noise that rang quietly in my head. Suddenly the scream of Shut up burst back to me, and I fell to the floor, my hand sliding along the wall as I quickly stooped to the ground.

    "C'mon, Xehanort. It's not like I'm going to hurt anyone, is it? Just go with it. Give in."

    "No," I said as I clenched my teeth and scrunched my face. With my right hand, I clutched my temple.

    "Give in."


    "GIVE IN."

    "NO! NO! NO! NO!" I shouted over and over again, sending rapid echoes bouncing back and forth and of each other through the dusty halls. "MY HEART BELONGS TO ME!" I got up and again, and punched a hole in the wall. It made a loud noise, and made me feel empowering. Again and again I pounded at the wall, each time bursting through the cheap plaster and cracking a large hole in it.

    "That was the final test, Xehanort. You have given in to the hate." Suddenly, my vision turned to black. Then, when the light flooded back into my pupils, there were two people in front of me. One wearing a multi-colored cape-like robe, and the other in a completely black robe, a hood covering his face.

    "Who-- who are you?" I didn't know which one I was talking to.

    The first man disappeared into a black portal, but the second turned to me. I felt like cringing. Again, my vision became black.
    [center:3os0a0g2]KATY PERRY DRESSES LIKE A FREAKING CLOWN. [/center:3os0a0g2]

  2. #2
    Devoted Veteran
    Join Date
    Aug 2008

    Re: Organization XIII

    Wow! Very well written and gripping. Perfect sense of suspense and description, although there were a couple errors; you capitalised 'Quieter', when it was the second word of the sentence. But continue, I really want to read more.


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