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  1. #1
    Junior Member Sorage55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Between Heaven, Hell....and my Insanity. -.-'
    Posts
    57

    Taunted and Beseiged - Poem of Insanity

    In your mind,
    You may find,
    You can fall,
    We can see it all,

    Look to the sky,
    You can't fly,
    You can fall,
    We can see it all,

    Drop to the floor,
    Die a little more,
    You can fall,
    We can see it all,

    Crawl to me,
    Look and see,
    You can fall,
    We can see it all,

    Damned to Hell,
    Fall in the well,
    You can fall,
    We can see it all,

    Listen to me,
    Your not free,
    You can fall,
    We can see it all.
    Courtsey? -.-' http://darkdemon.org/viewtopic.php?t=73511

    Introducing, my Signature Stickman: Veinxs Poisenberry!

  2. #2
    Devoted Veteran
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    10,069

    Re: Taunted and Beseiged - Poem of Insanity

    Pretty good, although I spotted an error (you're), and the repetition kind of messed it up. It would have been better maybe if you would have changed the last two lines.

  3. #3
    Junior Member Sorage55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Between Heaven, Hell....and my Insanity. -.-'
    Posts
    57

    Re: Taunted and Beseiged - Poem of Insanity

    ahhhhh but its a poem of psychosis. I never said it was supposed to be grammatically delightful. Its those little irritations within reading that allow it to be a poem of insanity. -.-'
    Courtsey? -.-' http://darkdemon.org/viewtopic.php?t=73511

    Introducing, my Signature Stickman: Veinxs Poisenberry!

  4. #4
    Veteran Enthusiast
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Midlands, UK
    Posts
    5,638

    Re: Taunted and Beseiged - Poem of Insanity

    A bit too structured for a poem about insanity.

  5. #5
    Junior Member Sorage55's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2010
    Location
    Between Heaven, Hell....and my Insanity. -.-'
    Posts
    57

    Re: Taunted and Beseiged - Poem of Insanity

    well...technically its partial insanity. And this is...an old poem.....hmm....indeed. -.-'
    Courtsey? -.-' http://darkdemon.org/viewtopic.php?t=73511

    Introducing, my Signature Stickman: Veinxs Poisenberry!


 

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