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  1. #1
    Senior Member Erup's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
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    My 'poems' and songs.

    Hey, I'm Erup and I wanted to post something I wrote. 'm not much of a poet though, but I wanted to try some rhymes.

    Why:
    [spoiler:1dhxldr9]What is why?
    What if why has no explanation?
    Then why do we cry?
    What is why?

    If why is the explanation of why
    Then it should remind me of the rain of july
    Which I could hardly explain
    Since I lack the reason why.

    For me, why would imply a goodbye.[/spoiler:1dhxldr9]

    Untitled, still:
    [spoiler:1dhxldr9]Think, I'll tell you what I'm thinking
    But you know, the world is flat which makes me sad
    And I'm glad Death is just a tunnel

    [Chorus]
    But, It smells a lot like suicide
    It smells a lot like... suicide[/spoiler:1dhxldr9]


    Feel free to negative comment if you disliked it.
    I'll be posting some more things.
    [center:1vms8s0o]...which is why Jimi hendrix is God, period.[/center:1vms8s0o]

  2. #2
    Devoted Veteran
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    10,069

    Re: My 'poems'

    Quite a strange poem, but I can't say that I dislike it. A couple of the lines don't make sense:

    If why is the explanation of why
    Then it should remind me of the rain of july


    but it had decent flow. The variation of line length throughout gave it a feel of confusion that fit the theme well, also. I'd like to see what you come up with next.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Erup's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
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    Re: My 'poems'

    Quote Originally Posted by Lionheart
    Quite a strange poem, but I can't say that I dislike it. A couple of the lines don't make sense:

    If why is the explanation of why
    Then it should remind me of the rain of july


    but it had decent flow. The variation of line length throughout gave it a feel of confusion that fit the theme well, also. I'd like to see what you come up with next.
    It really should not make sense, because there is no rain in july, so thinking in the rain of july is the nonsense just like asking why and because asking why doesn't make sense, the poem doesn't too.
    [center:1vms8s0o]...which is why Jimi hendrix is God, period.[/center:1vms8s0o]

  4. #4
    Senior Member Erup's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
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    Re: My 'poems' and songs

    Update, I'm trying to write a song, so I got high yesterday to try to come up with so psychedelic ideas.
    Don't be harsh, it's the first time I'm writing one.
    [center:1vms8s0o]...which is why Jimi hendrix is God, period.[/center:1vms8s0o]


 

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