Welcome to Earth
Careful
You might slip on the pollution
Look out
The racist might give you a shun
Look out
The delusional see more than one
Watch out
The biologists might dissect your inner core
Watch out
The politics might give you a bore
Secretly
Slowly
Be careful
The actors have an awkward, cringing laugh
The butchers cut the animals in half
The people don't think with their mind
The killers will want your blood like a sweet, treasured wine
The chef will give you some honeydew
And the bakers some freshly made bread
I think my trap has hurt my feelings instead

All the kings and queens love the colour blue
The hobo’s find delight in a fancy shoe
The artists love the paint of red
Twists and turns,
Go ahead
I’ll catch up

The procrastinators are like alligators
Just like the lazy are crocodiles
They just live in a different habitat
They both appear to be fat
Just like grandma’s cat
All this eating makes me smile
I haven’t done this in a while
The food is poisoned though
Your step brother has come back
Revenge is something he does not lack

Some fortune and fame
That’s all we want
Sitting on our sofas are far to lame
But we don’t smell any meat,
So why go out and hunt?
I’d rather watch the jocks
Give the football a good punt

All our creativity
Out the garbage in a drain
Just because it has a salamander coloured stain
Spotted and bright
In these things, I take no delight
Do you see where I am going?
Do you see what I am doing?
Just like plowing some old field
No one really cares
This is our planet
Of vengeance, love, lust, and art
It is these things that tear us apart
But they bring us all together
Like a gloomy couple in down-pouring weather

This is where it happened
Heaven and hell gave birth
To what we know as planet earth

Welcome.
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How Women Were Made

How women were made:
At the beginning of time, man and all the creatures of the world were made by the Creator. Man only had one friend – the animals. For his first 13 years of life, he loved the animals and was happy. But one day, he noticed he didn’t always have someone to talk to. The Creator was usually busy finishing the universe, and the animals were very limited with their language. Man sat alone by a creek, tossing rocks, with a long face. The Creator approached him and asked why he sat with solitude.
“There is no one similar to me on the earth,” said Man “I am alone!” The creator felt sorrow for his finest creation, and knew it needed a companion of equal brilliance. So while Man slept, the creator softly took a rib, a piece of muscle, a chip of a bone, and a vein. From this, he gathered some dust, formed them into a body shape, and inserted the man’s pieces. He lightly blew over the pile, filling it with life. All the parts magically morphed together, creating another type of man. He didn’t want to call this one Man as well, so for now he called it Human number two.
The Creator told Human number two, to walk to the creek where Man sat. He would let man give Human number two a name.
As Human number two came up behind Man, The Creator stopped it, and lightly said to Man,
“Man, I have a surprise for you; in fact, I’ll even let you name it.” Man sighed, thinking it was just another animal, like when he tried cheering him up with a platypus. He stood up and turned around. He jumped in surprise, exclaiming “Whoa!” and he was swept off his feet, falling into the creek, because he was so amazed by this human’s beauty. The Creator stopped in silence for a moment. He looked at Human number two,
“… Whoa… Man…. Woman… hmm, I guess it will work,” and with that, he left.
So from then on, Man has always been trying to sweep Woman off her feet.