Hello and welcome to our community! Is this your first visit?
Register
Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    16

    In a Shallow Grave

    My brother, the Black Sheep
    as presence moves between us
    the hilltop savanna borders
    our still-stood footsteps
    in moonlit stride, this
    separates our bloodline
    from flowing freely.

    Liar, Liar,
    love like the fire.
    Fire, Fire,
    burn like a liar.

    A dark figure of presence
    overwhelms my senses.
    What have I become?
    In this chain of vengeance
    that has burned us all
    in a symmetrical scar;
    our roles reverse.

    Abel, my Abel,
    have you come to kill me?
    Cain, dear brother,
    it is time to die.

    My brother, Cain the Liar,
    fights a useless war
    (Why does he fight?)
    in which he tried
    to kill me, thus
    in self defense,
    I killed him.

    I am cursed to walk this world alone.
    I, Abel, at least had the heart
    to bury my brother, Cain,
    in a shallow grave.
    De rervm natvra,
    Decrevi dei gratia, arduum sane munus anno mundi.
    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentis telum est.

  2. #2
    Regular Member Peachey's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    New Zealand and stalking the people who read this.
    Posts
    135

    Re: In a Shallow Grave

    Very neat
    I like them

    8=D~
    gobble gobble
    [spoiler:2q3o7ff0]PEACHEY'S THREAD_____________________________[/spoiler:2q3o7ff0]

  3. #3
    Fanatic Enthusiast 40Ringz's Avatar

    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    2,667

    Re: In a Shallow Grave

    Love it man. Your a gud rider. <33

  4. #4
    Fanatic Enthusiast Deimos's Avatar

    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Kansas
    Posts
    3,293

    Re: In a Shallow Grave

    Very well written work you have there, I really enjoyed it!
    v The Thread v

  5. #5
    Devoted Veteran
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    10,069

    Re: In a Shallow Grave

    I like this quite a lot. The story of Cain and Abel is pretty much the only biblical story that interests me, so kudos on the topic (and the proper usage of the English language; that's rare to see here, sadly).

  6. #6
    Newbie
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Location
    North Carolina
    Posts
    16

    Re: In a Shallow Grave

    I thought it would be interesting to switch it around. We all know that apparently, Cain killed Abel, but what in the process, Abel killed Cain? How would Abel be punished? He was merely trying to stay alive. Who would he become?
    I enjoyed writing this piece. You have no idea how much I loved switching and twisting these things. I was originally going to keep it the same because Abel is the older brother and Cain is the younger, because it makes sense in whom I'm writing about, but then I realized, that Abel was the more mature, the kinder man, the better man inside, while Cain was a wild man. It seemed better to have Abel kill Cain, because it made more sense in my mind. I actually based Cain and Abel off of two brothers I know, but however in this regard, Cain is older and Abel is younger in reality. The legend, I guess seemed different because how of much more mature my friend was in comparison to his brother, who is older, but they fit the category.

    I thought I got an interesting result.
    De rervm natvra,
    Decrevi dei gratia, arduum sane munus anno mundi.
    Quemadmoeum gladis nemeinum occidit, occidentis telum est.


 

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •