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  1. #1
    Junior Member

    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    91

    Zombie Survival [Making Animation]

    [I'm making an animation out of this, If you would like to help PM me.]

    First Off, It's Not A Diary, It's A Journe- You Know I Don't Care!

    Day 1:
    This is the first entry I've just survived my first encounter. I Almost Died, Luckily, I Had Played About 50 Zombie Games. They Didn't Really Help But, One Thing I Did Learn, AIM FOR THE HEAD.
    Urm... I'm guessing you want to know what happened?
    Here's What; I Was Watching Tv When Suddenly, The Screen Was Replaced With Stactic, You Know, The Rainbow Lines On Your Screen. A Message Appeared: TO ALL SURVIVORS, At That Point I Was Wondering What It Meant. Anyway, AS YOU KNOW, 50 PEOPLE DISSAPEARED LAST WEEK, BUT HAVE BEEN SIGHTED TODAY! ONE OF THE MISSING PERSON(S) HAS BEEN SIGHTED TODAY AT ROUGHLY 4:27. I looked at the clock, 7:45, Again. I Digress. THEY WERE UNCONCIOUS, AND WHEN THE AMBULANCE CAME, THE PERSON HAD AWOKEN AND KILLED EVERYONE AROUND, THE BODIES HAD GONE WHEN THE POLICE ARRIVED. WE THINK THE PEOPLE HAD BECOME INFECTED. BARRICADE YOUR WINDOWS AND DOORS AND GRAB ANYTHING YOU CAN AS A WEAPON!
    So. That Was The Message. I Turned My Television, And Bolted Down The Stairs, And Another Set Of Stairs To The Basement. I Pulled The Cord And The Lights Came On, I Ran To The Far Wall And Opened The Safe, I Pulled Out An M9 Pistol, Thats All I Know It As.
    I Pulled Out 5 Clips, And Hoped My Hunch About Reloading Was Correct, And I Thought Now Would Be The Time To Try My New Experiment. Instead Of 9mm Bullets I Tried Some 357.'s And Guess What, They Worked, I Don't Know How But Yeah, At That Point I Remembered I Hadn't Bolted The Basement Door Shut. Suddenly, The Wall Behind Me Exploded And I Went Flying Across The Air, My Gun Still In My Hand, But When I Hit The Wall, So Did The 9mm Pistol, It Shattered! And Then Everything Went Black...

    Day 2:
    Urm... I Must Have Woken Up About 8 Hours Later. And I Heard Gunshots And Moans. Then Someone Pulled Me To My Feet. I Felt Twice As Heavy As Usual, And Realised I Was Wearing Some Sort Of Armour, Made Of Metal, And I Was Wearing A Gasmask. The Man That Pulled My Up Said, "What's Your Name?!"
    "Sam!" I Shouted Back
    "No need to shout" He Said Back, Though I Was Supprised He Could Here Me Over The Gunfire
    "Here" He Said, And Put His Hand Onto My Mask, He Pulled Something, And Then I Couldn't Here The Gunfire.
    "What' Happened?" I Asked Nervously,
    "Nevermind That, Take This." He Handed Me An M1614 3 Burst Rifle, "You Have Some Clips On Your Belt".
    , He Also Added, "You know how to reload?"
    "I Think," I Said, Suddenly I Heard Crackling From My Throat Mike.
    "This Is General Peterson, REPORT TO HQ IMMEDIATELY. FALL BACK FALL BACK! They Are To Strong, We Have Stron- THEY'RE IN HERE! FIRE!" *Crackle*
    Once Again, I Was Thrown Off My Feet And Saw Something Run Up To Me, A Zombie, It Bit Me, But Didn't. It's Teech Couldn't Get Through My Armour, I Hit It In The Face And My Hand Brushed Against A Bowie Knife, I Pulled It Out And Stabbed The Zombie Through The Arm And Kicked It In The Chest, I Grabbed A Discarded Pistol And Shot The Zombie Several Times In The Head, I Was Almost Sick At The Sight. I Pushed It Off Me And Got Up. Then A Massive Zombie Rushed In Through The Hole. It Saw Me And Ran Straight At Me, I Shot It Several Times In Its Weak Points, Which Had Glowed On My HUD, Somehow, It Staggered, But Hit Me. I Heard My Arm Snap And The Pistol Shatter With The Impact. Again, Everything Went Black...


    [spoiler:2jpq51gz]Day 2 (Cont.)
    I Woke Up In Some Kind Of Hospital, It Was Dirty And Smelled Of Several Things I'm Not Going To Mention.
    At That Moment Someone Walked In, "Good, You're Awake," He Said, "I Have A Job For You."[/spoiler:2jpq51gz]

    Day 2 (Cont.) And Day 3 And 4 Coming Soon.

    Comment If You Like And Want More. Well... PM Me.

  2. #2
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Posts
    289

    Re: Zombie Survival [Making Animation]

    Hmm, well first of all you don't need so much capital letters, you were putting capital letters in the middle of a sentence, no need
    I really liked the storyline, however it seemed a little rushed, it can start with something casual and it doesn't seem very realistic, try and imagine what it would be like in real life!
    Oh and lastly, try and describe everything, have paragraphs just describing the scene, and use big words. The two biggest things you need to be able to do to write are experiment and imagine.
    Courtz? click patrick


 

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