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Thread: A Rock

  1. #1
    Enthusiast Abadax's Avatar

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    A Rock

    I dont know where this came from and I dont know why I wrote it.



    ---------
    I stood there, at the base of the cliff, determined that I would make it to the top. Thinking about what I was going to do when I got to the top. Of course I didn’t know.

    As I started up my stomach dropped. I don’t know why though. I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t nervous. I didn’t think of her. Oh god, her.
    My stomach dropped again.

    I grabbed the first adjacent rock, making sure that if I stepped on it wouldn’t fall. I did the same for the next rock, and the next one, slowly making my way to the top. A few minutes later I came across a rock that had a peculiar look to me. I shoved it in my jacket pocket, zipping it to make sure it was secure, and didn’t fall. As I climbed with all my strength I was thinking about her, with my stomach dropping every time her face came into my head. What was she doing? What was she thinking about? Who was she thinking about? How was she? I hope she was alright. I would do anything to protect her. Comfort her…

    As I approached the top with a sense of dignity, I tried to quickly think about what I was going to do here. I hadn’t brought any supplies. Nor did I bring any sort of books to entertain myself. I sat at the edge of one of the triangle shaped edges at which I felt it was the front of the mountain. I knew it wasn’t facing north but I sat there. I sat there. And I sat there… For quite a while actually. I was starting to get a bit thirsty so I grabbed a beer from my backpack. I sat some more.

    After a while of just sitting I got bored. I stood up. I stared into the clouds just below my feet. I stared at the sun. When I was done… I fell. When I felt myself go through the cloud I felt myself go numb. I woke up. I realized what I had just done. I realized what I hadn’t done. I realized that I was about to die, so I did a back flip, remembering all those countless days on my trampoline trying to do a back flip. I was happy. For once in my depressing life, filled with social misfires and failed suicide attempts… I felt better. I felt powerful. I felt filled. I felt complete. I cried. I cried enough that when I hit the ground it would feel like a rainstorm if I was alive. I unzipped my coat pocket and took out the rock I found on my way up. It was beautiful. I gave it a hug thinking about what it has been through and how many things have stepped upon it. And then… I hit the ground.

  2. #2
    Enthusiast Abadax's Avatar

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    Re: A Rock

    bump.

  3. #3
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    Re: A Rock

    I thought it was really engaging for a short story, IMHO. The ending kinda shocked me, as I thought it was some sort of love story at first.

    Let me get this straight; so there is a girl that's been messing with his emotions, and he's hopelessly messed up inside. This is where it gets confusing, is he in love with the girl, or does he hate her? At first it seems like he hates her, like she's a bitchy ex.

    I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t nervous. I didn’t think of her. Oh god, her.
    My stomach dropped again.
    But in the next paragraph you say this;

    What was she doing? What was she thinking about? Who was she thinking about? How was she? I hope she was alright. I would do anything to protect her. Comfort her…
    So is he obsessed with her, or is he horrified by the mere thought of her?

    It feels like he went up there to commit suicide, because he's so messed up from this girl. That's why all he brought was some beer, so that first he could intoxicate himself, then he could fall to his death without a care in the world. Am I right, or am I right?

  4. #4
    Global Champyon Stickid's Avatar



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    Re: A Rock

    This story is pretty weird bro.

    It's hard to give it criticism because it's just so random and strange. I can't tell what the point of the story is. He climbs up some rocks, thinking of a girl he loves? His stomach drops every time he thinks of her, yet he uses her as motivation to reach the summit? He finds a particular rock that he likes and decides to keep it. Continues to the top of the cliff above the clouds, which somehow takes him only a few minutes. He reaches the top with dignity? He just climbed a mountain above the clouds and he is thirsty, his first choice of hydration is beer? He stands up to look around after he's already been sitting for quite a while. He looks at the clouds, the sun, and when he is "done" he randomly falls over? He goes numb, he "wakes up" realizes what he has and hasn't done, so he decides to do a back flip, feels powerful and happy, then he cries, hugs the rock he found, and hits the ground and dies.

    What the fuck? I know this story came out of nowhere for you, but you must have realized what it sounded like as you took the time to type it out. Next time you make a suicide story, try to make it more cohesive and understandable.

    I mean, I understand the story. He's a suicidal guy who has been rejected by the woman he loves. He climbs a tall mountain to finally redeem all those failed suicide attempts. After reaching the top, he enjoys his final beer, sits for a while, and jumps. He hurls to the ground, thinking about the good and bad in his life, the opportunities he's missed and the memories he's shared. He feels happy and sad at the same time, he shares his sentimentality with a rock he found and reaches the bottom and dies.

    It's just a poorly written story based on a generic idea. Again, next time you make a suicide story, try to make it more cohesive and understandable. I'm sure that this idea just randomly came to you inexplicably, and you typed it out without any real literature or writing in mind, but I'm posting to better you for future stories.


 

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