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  1. #1
    Fresh Newbie thenewpeter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010

    Welcome To Silent Hill

    This is a little piece of fan fiction that I wrote a while ago, so thought I'd share it with everyone here and see what people think of it. All useful critism is welcome.

    The fog was stagnant, sounds muffled by the layers of mist. All of the doors were closed, the windows seeming blanked out by the fog, as if nothing had ever existed behind them.
    “Mummy, I don’t like this place, it doesn’t feel right”
    “I know honey; we just need to find someone to help us”
    “Why’d the stupid car have to break down here?”
    They had been heading out from there home in Lake Michigan, moving to another town, Suzan wasn’t sure on the name, just knew the location, it had been her husbands idea, they all needed to get away really, to many bad memories.
    “I don’t know. Lets just get to the town centre, I’ve heard about this town before, it’s meant to be really small, there’ll be someone there to help us”
    Kelly slowly got out of the car and walked over to her mum. “Can I bring Barbie?”
    “Yes you can bring Barbie”
    Kelly run back over to the car and grabbed her Barbie doll, then skipped back. For a moment the scary town was forgotten, Kelly’s world was complete.
    As they slowly walked towards what they supposed was the town centre, it was hard to tell in the fog, you could hardly see 5 meters in front of yourself, a cold chill suddenly hit Kelly and Suzan.
    They both shuddered, not realizing it as Goose bumps began to rise across there skin. “Mummy, can’t we just go back to the car and call daddy?”
    “We’re out of mobile phone range honey, besides this shouldn’t take a minuet”
    Suzan tried to sound confident, but she couldn’t help the chill creeping into her voice. Something about this was off, it just felt wrong.
    “Mom, look, there’s someone”
    At the edge of sight, a figure moved, obscured by the fog like a shadow. “Can I stay here, look at the toys in the window?” She said, gesturing over to a shop front.
    “Okay, just don’t move, I’ll be right back”
    Suzan started walking towards the shadowy figure, something about it made her nervous. Despite the fog, she could easily here the things heavy wheezing, as if a heavily overweight obese man were on the verge of an asthma attack.
    “Excuse me”
    The figure began to turn. As Suzan got closer, the figure remained dulled by the fog, as if it blended with it somehow. It then moved towards her on a stride from a long and bonny leg. Then she could feel the Goose bumps on her body bulging, screaming at her. Suddenly the top half of its body began to convulse and jitter as if having some sort of seizure.
    She couldn’t help her self from asking this bleatingly obviase question. “Are you all right?”
    It inhaled a long wheezing drag of breath. Suddenly it screamed a loud and high pitched scream. Other screams punched through the fog, then her Daughters joined them. Suzan turned, 2 figures were around her daughter like the one in front of her moving towards her. Where’d they come from?
    Suzan turned back to the figure. It was beside her now. She just stared in horror, frozen to the spot. The top of its body seemed to be covered in some sort of second skin going over its face and arms, but below the skin, everything moved as if it were some sort of liquid like skin, the smell then hit her like rotting half frozen meat.
    Kelly screamed again. Suzan suddenly bolted into action, turning and running towards her daughter.
    “No! Get away from her!”
    Both of the things turned to her and began moving at a jog towards her. They both steamrolled into her, they looked so frail, but had so much strength. She connected with the ground hard. Blood seeped out onto the pavement.

    Suzan’s eye lids began to flutter. She simply lay there staring into the darkened sky. Everything suddenly came rushing back. She sprung up too quickly, pain flushed down from the back of her head. She cringed but got up.
    The Fog had mostly gone, but you couldn’t see the moon or stars. It looked as though it was snowing but as Suzan held out her hand to catch one of the flakes, it was warm, she rubbed it and it came apart like you’d expect ash to.
    She ran over to where Kelley had been. It was different, there was a wall where the road was. The wall was made from some sort of corrugated iron which stretched from one side to the other. She began pacing around the spot, looking for any sign of her. There was nothing. It was as if this was a different place, but it was right where Kelly had been.
    She slowly began backing away from the wall, murmuring to her self. “No, no… it’s.. she’s… no…”
    Suzan turned around looking franticly at her surroundings for any signs that she may have been looking in the wrong corner. Every where was the same corrugated type of metal, barbed wire trailing all of the walls, doors blocked off by metal sheets, windows barred, the darkness that had settled made things hard to see, not as hard as the fog, but any light source was engulfed by the darkness.
    She stood there waiting for an answer… nothing but silence.
    “Kelly! It’s Mommy!”
    There was a sudden crash down one of the streets. Suzan burst from her spot and down the street it came from. Hope pumped through her veins, anger fuelling her. As she rounded the curve of the street, she stopped dead, cupping her mouth, with holding her scream.
    3 of the creatures from before were facing the opposite way down the street. With this sight, Suzan’s hope died, fear becoming more prominent. She began backing up slowly, making as little noise as possible. She could feel the goose bumps raising on her back the further away she got. Then, her blood turned ice cold. A scream erupted from behind her. She turned to be face to face with one of the things.
    She screamed to try and drown out the creatures screams, not succeeding as an air-raid siren joined in the debate. There were no speakers around, but the siren blared above the creatures.
    Suzan pushed past and ran back the way she’d come from, towards what she supposed was the centre. In the distance, from all sides, Suzan could see shadows moving mimicking the creatures, then, she saw a light. A door way was just hanging open, a light shining through it. Suzan ran strait towards the door, burst through it and slammed it behind herself, then collapsed with her back towards the door. On the floor was a flashlight, facing the door. Suzan scampered for the flashlight, then as she began moving towards the stairs, something heavy and wet impacted the door. This immediately drove Suzan up the stairs as fast as she could move.
    She ran towards the first door and burst the door open, then stood frozen in the door frame. A bed was positioned facing the doorway; a body lay on it facing upwards, being held in place by barbed wire. The wire cut into the skin at all places, the face blindfolded. The mouth twisted, held in an eternal scream.
    The door gave way downstairs. She bolted to the next doorway, the image of the person held in her mind. When she shut the door, she realised what she’d just done, she’d ran into a closet. The Lattice doors had slits in. She quickly turned the torch off, trying to hold her breath.
    From the little light that was coming through the slits, something passed over, blocking the light. The rasping breathing started again, then others joined in, all of this time, the siren grew louder till it sounded as if there was a speaker next to Suzan’s head. She curled up in the corner, trying to shield her ears with her hands, closing her eyes. She could feel the things outside, looking in at her, she could feal their breath on the nape of her neck. She tried to scream, but the sound was instantly drowned out by the siren. Her ears began to bleed.
    Then, suddenly, everything went bright. Through her closed eyes, the light felt blinding, then with the light’s appearance, the Siren ceased. She simply stayed in her corner, rocking her self, to scared to move. When she eventually allowed one of her eyes to open, there was nothing through the slits. Eventually Suzan brought it about herself to open the door, she crawled out from her haven, wild eyed.
    The must from the fog was heavy in the corridor, she crawled to the stairs, then stopped at the top. The front door was bolted from the inside, she quickly got up and ran down to the door, franticly trying to open it. “No! Let me out! Let me out!”
    She collapsed by the door. This time weeping. From her tear filled eyes she could see that all of the other doors were also bolted shut from the inside. Still weeping, she ascended the stairs, then sat at the top, all of the other doors were also bolted, all except the door she’d burst through before. The body…
    She knew that she’d have no choice but to go in there. She stood outside the door, her heart pounding in her throat. She opened the door.
    All of the air escaped her lungs, not as a scream, but as a sigh of relief. The body was gone. In its place there was an enclosed envelope with a small box beneath it. Suzan looked around the room, it was a box room, no windows. She lay down on the bed, some how, she felt like she must. She looked at the envelope, then suddenly sat up rigid. Her name was written onto the envelope.
    She picked it up and began reading it. It read:
    Suzan, I’m sorry that you must be here. By now you should know that it’s not safe. The box beneath this letter contains 2 objects which you will need if you wish to get to Kelly. You will have seen my fate, I am sorry that you had to see that, I just pray that it isn’t too late for you. Keep hold of that necklace that I gave you.
    Loving you for eternity. Dad.
    “What... my god”
    Suzan got up from the bed, clutching her necklace, the images of the body playing through her mind... was that her dad? No... surly not... he had died 2 years prior... but how could he have known? She felt like she wanted to cry, but the tears didn’t come, so she sat, then opened the box.
    Stencilled onto the lid: Turn in on, keep it close, you will need it soon.
    Suzan picked out the pocket radio, flicked the switch, the channel was blank aside from the gradually subdued static, but anything was better than the silence. She hung it around her neck using the harness that was attached to it. Below it was a gun, a revolver, she wasn’t sure on the make, but she knew how to use it. Suzan and her dad had made frequent visits to gun ranges, even entered for several contests together.
    Something suddenly crashed downstairs, the sound of metal falling. She stuffed the gun into her right jeans pocket, putting the bullets into her left and holding the torch. Before leaving the room, she turned back one last time, the bed lay in a dip of the quilt where she had sat, but it looked too big for just her… more like 2 sets of dips.
    She turned and walked out of the room, descended the stairs. At the bottom, the bar that had impaled the door now lay on the ground, the bolts that had held it in place still fixed into the frame around the door.
    Stepping over the bar, she stepped back outside. The mist was as strong as it was before, the same smell, yet, something was amiss. Suzan’s breathing was erratic, her heart in her through as she began walking towards where she had last seen her daughter. She didn’t know how, but she knew which way she had to go. As she neared the location, her head began to swim… until she got to the corner… but her daughter wasn’t there. She began looking around franticly, looking for any sign where she may have gone, then immediately wised she hadn’t.
    On the ground was a large gash of crimson. A thousand thoughts rushed through Suzans head, she could feel herself on the point of hysteria, she tried to subdue them… but couldn’t.
    Suddenly the radio began to blare. The noise startling her. The white noise coming through, building up into a steady crescendo, then she heard something else behind her… the breathing. She turned to see one of the things from before, shuffleing its way towards her. Anger flooded her system, what had been dread turned to pure rage, she moved quicker then she had ever before, pulling the revolver from her pocket and taking sight on the abomination before her. With out a seconds breath, she pulled the trigger 3 times, sending 3 slugs smashing into the things upper torso.
    It screamed louder then before, but this time the scream pleased Suzan’s ears, it was a death scream. The white noise through the radio promptly stopped as the last of the air escaped it’s lungs. She then fell to the ground, suddenly exhausted, staring at the gun.
    “Kelly …”
    She put the gun to her head, then cocked the hammer, then on the floor, she noticed something she hadn’t seen before. Writing. She moved around the side of it so that she could read it properly. Police Department, follow me mummy. New hope flooded through Suzan’s veins, her heart began beating louder then before, excitement began to take hold of her.
    “I’m coming honey”
    The radio began crackling again, the breathing close, she looked at the radio, then at the creature. Turn it on, keep it close, you will need it soon. Could this be what was meant? Some sort of warning for when the creatures get close?
    She didn’t care for now, if her daughter was out there, then she wouldn’t stop until she was safe. But first thing was first, she needed a map. Suzan began running, leaving the wheezing abomination behind her, tears forgotten, she had a reason to carry on now, and that was all she needed.

    In the shaded windows of a nearby house, Martin watched as Suzan began running to the North side of town… was it possible the she could remember where the town map was? Surly not, she was only 1 when they had last come here, but still, anything was possible here, after all, Martin was there, not of his own will, but still here. Either way it didn’t matter, just so long as he could do his best from letting the evil of this place from truly hurting her.
    “Be Careful honey… Daddy loves you

  2. #2
    Global Champyon Stickid's Avatar

    Join Date
    Aug 2006

    Re: Welcome To Silent Hill

    Whoo I got the chills so many times from reading that.
    Excellent job, I've never seen Silent Hill, but I could fully understand the main points of this story.

    I got sucked into this right from the beginning. I like how you are revealing things gradually, this is a great story.
    I love the length, I prefer longer stories. Again, great job.

    No criticism really, except for some spelling mistakes. In the beginning, the creatures attacked her and left? I'm a little confused by that. And for a while, it wasn't apparent to me what the siren was.

  3. #3
    Newbie SheepPigStudios's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010

    Re: Welcome To Silent Hill

    Awesome. Reminded me of Silent Hill Nostalgia feeling from SH2

  4. #4
    Newbie The Sentinel's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    California *Cue OC theme song*

    Re: Welcome To Silent Hill

    Quote Originally Posted by SheepPigStudios
    Awesome. Reminded me of Silent Hill Nostalgia feeling from SH2
    Exactly what I was thinking.
    [spoiler:yza7p9q3]THIS WAS A SPOILER! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSE TO CLICK ON IT!!!!!!1!!1!!!![/spoiler:yza7p9q3]

  5. #5
    Old Newbie ArmyKilla44's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010

    Re: Welcome To Silent Hill

    Loved it... It was very catching.

  6. #6
    Newbie Pixy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010

    Re: Welcome To Silent Hill

    Oh...Thenewpeter, you're my newfavoriteperson!

  7. #7
    Fresh Newbie thenewpeter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2010

    Re: Welcome To Silent Hill

    WooHoo! Glad to see some people liked it.

    I whish I still had my other sections of this to post... dam virus's.

    The siren is an indication of the changing of the worlds between the "darkness" and the "fog". THe creatures left her becuase as she hit her head, the creatures left thinking she was dead. I wasn't too sure how to bring that across saddly.


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