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  1. #1
    Pen
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    *Updated* Urban Warfare (Chapter 3)

    Urban Warfare


    Chapter 1
    In One instance, everything was gone.

    My name is Elwin Norris. I知 16 years old. And I知 caught in the cross fire of war.

    Ash clogged my throat the moment I breathed it in. I opened the closet door to nothingness. The sky, a crimson red, night slowly approaching, but the explosion kept the sky from total blackness. The sky reminded me of blood, something I've seen lately, far to often. My friends, classmates, no where in sight.*
    I could now see across the street to a pile of rubble. Something I hadn't been able to do before I closed the door. Before the explosion, there stood a wall of lockers, senior class lockers. Now their littered with papers, ash and fire. Fire. It was so intense, blazing and bright. Illuminating the entire street, and providing a great view of death.
    All around me lay bodies, classmates, and teachers. Mrs. Richwood lay not ten feet from the door, around her lay three younger looking kids. Maybe eight years old, maybe younger, huddled around here. She was*obviously carousing them into the hall way, hoping for a greater chance at life. Obviously, her attempt failed.
    "Help, me. " Came a voice down the hall way. I stepped out into the ash and bodies, turned to look in the direction of the voice. A girl lay trapped below a heavy looking piece of rubble. I looked up to see the multi story building across the street missing a large chunk of its wall. This was what was laying on her.
    "I'm coming! Just hang in there." I yelled back, already starting into a jog down the hall way. With every step, the flames grew more intense and my body told me to stay back, yet I didn稚.
    撤lease, help me. I知 dy-. Her sentence cut short, another piece of rubble fell down and landed on her. She was gone.

    Off in the distance I could here the crackle of gun fire. The downtown hot zone. We were being invaded, and we were losing.
    I turned around, distrait by what I壇 seen. Another human being, a beautiful brunette girl crushed to death. This world has gone to hell. I thought as I made my way down the hall towards the back exit. A narrow fire escape, propped open by what seemed to be a body, and broken planks of wood.
    I reached the fire exit and made my way out onto the rubble filled street. Debree, smoke and ash still clogged my throat. I was breathing to much of this stuff in. I wouldn稚 last long if I continued to do so. I ran down the street until I came across a group of people running out of a burning building.
    滴ey, hey, hey! I yelled at them furiously trying to get their attention over the loud sound of gun fire.
    鼎ome on kid! Theirs a convoy leaving the city, lets go! A older gentlemen replied. The man, covered in ash, ran with a woman and two younger kids, a boy and a girl.
    鄭 convoy? Where痴 it at? I asked when I caught up to them.
    的t痴 down by the river front, it leaves in half an hour.
    典here痴 no way to reach the river front from this side of town in an hour. Plus, we値l be heading right into the middle of a war.
    的t痴 the only chance we致e got. He said it with a hint of worry in his voice. He was trying to show courage, but it was obvious he was just as scared as the rest of us.
    徹k, lets see if we can find a car to take. I said with worry also.
    哲o chance, you remember the first blast that happened about thirty minutes ago?
    添es, I remember, lights went out, and power went off, but no serious damage to anything.
    的t痴 a EMP. Electro-Magnetic Pulse. Wipes out all electrical objects, that includes cars. I was stunned, I didn稚 even realize something like that existed. How does he know that?
    鉄o, were screwed is what your saying. I said it with a firm voice, trying to imply what I was saying. He stared down at his kids.
    添es.

    Our attempt at escaping had gone unexpectedly smooth as of now. We still had twenty minutes to go until the convoy left, and had managed to avoid any cross fire while going downtown. Still, the loud crackle of gun fire came from a distance. It was close, but not too close.
    泥addy, when is this gonna stop? The girl asked. So innocent, sweet. She had no clue what was going on. All she saw was her mother and fathers worried faces, it worried her too. Her brother was the same age as her, eleven, old enough to know what fighting is, but not what war is.
    的t will stop soon, baby, I pro-. His sentence was cut short. I loud snap echoed throughout the city. Everyone flinched to this sound, it was so loud, yet, I couldn稚 figure out where it had come from. 迭un! Run! Run! The father yelled, and sprinted to the side of the road with daughter in his arms.
    I sprinted to the other side of the street, and hopped into a broken shop window. A fancy place, booths on both sides of me, a bar straight in front. The sign above the bar read DIEM, the rest was scratched off.
    溺ommy no! I turned around to the boy yelling to his mom. What I saw was haunting. In the middle of the street lay the kids mom, laying on her back, bleeding. 溺ommy come here quick! The boy began to cry. I never saw them again, the father had taken them into the shop, into the darkness, leaving me by myself.
    滴elp me! Someone, anyone? Help me! I yelled out in horror. I knew the sniper was still there, he had to be. But where was I to go? I couldn稚 stay in the restaurant, the building shook abruptly, it jarred my head, my brain shook. Bam!
    Another sniper shot fired. I turned around in the mold infested restraint to see the dust that remained from where the bullet had hit the cracked asphalt. Bam. Bam, Bam. Three more shots where fired, he was toying with me, daring me to stray from my hiding spot to rejoin the father and children.
    撤lease! For the love of god stop! I screamed aloud again, hoping maybe the shooter was a friendly mislead to believe he was shooting enemies. Alas, I was terribly wrong, another shot was fired, and another dust cloud popped up from the asphalt outside the restaurant.

    I stayed in the restaurant for what seemed like an eternity. Night had fallen, the city became dark with no street lights, building lights, or cars, but the sound of gun fire remained in the crisp night air.
    溺a-Maybe he痴 gone. I whispered to myself. I stood up from the booth I had been seated at. I peered out the window, I didn稚 know what I was expecting, I couldn稚 see anything but black. Pitch black.
    I crept up to the glass doors, still weary of death. Deaths scent filled my nostrils. The smell of blood, and rotting corpses. This was not normal for me, but hell, I had smelled it before at the school, nothing was different now.
    Nevertheless, I crept out into the street, so far so good, I made it about ten feet before I got that tingling sensation in my spine. That, awkward feeling you are not alone. The feeling that reminded you of the time you were reading a scary book and felt the presence of the evil force upon you. That, was my feeling.
    I darted off towards the other side of the road, now safely across, I turned around to view my narrow escape. And narrow it was. Three dust plumes rose from the air, and fainted into the cold night sky. Indeed, I wasn稚 alone.
    Va-Booom! A loud roar and thunder shook the fillings out of my teeth. Instantly the street was lit up. I ran outside to see a huge fire ball coming from a building, about mid way up. The gigantic fireball disappeared into the night sky, but the fire it left behind continued.
    Realizing where I stood now, in the middle of the road which I just about died, I sprinted back to the side walk. Why didn稚 I get shot when I was standing there? I walked back into the shop and laid down in the old rocking chair that stood in the corner of the shop. And fell asleep.

    Chapter 2

    The sun illuminated the shop on a cold, icy crisp morning. Frost was gathering on the shattered glass edges left in the window pane. My eyes squinted open. Instantly, I was awake, the early morning gave no warmth, my arms felt frozen, my legs where numb. I tried to stand but couldn稚, and gun shots were still going off, and they were louder this morning.
    I stood, and ran to the shattered glass door. It was even colder outside. I turned my head frantically to see where the shots were coming from, they were just to close.
    "Oh my god." I stared wide eyed down the street. There stood a monstorous creature, metallic green, dirty and dibree ridden hunk of machine. A tank. Making its' way down to me. Following it were several soldiers crowding the shops, trying to find cover where ever it could be found.
    I sprinted, ran harder than I ever had before, down the street. I heard yelling and the fire of gun shots behind me. They weren't shooting at me, at least I hoped not. I continued down the street to a market place on the corner. A object caught my eye, so I ran to the broken window.
    Picking the gun up was a shock to me. It was heavier than I imagined. Grease and blood covered to. I filddeled with the weapon for a good time, until finally I figured out how to unload the gun.
    "Wait a second, where did this come from?" I spoke softly to myself, realizing that this weapon belonged to someone. I glanced around. "Nothing." There we no one around. I walked out of the store, and never thought to check for more ammo.
    "Halt!" I froze in place, that cold, dead, voice. "Your name please, and your place of residence." He said it with such authority, like he ran the entire fucking country. Truth of the matter, in a few months, he probably will, along with the other million of troops that have here.
    "Why should I?" I answered fiercly.
    "You will, or I will shoot you on spot. Now answer my question."
    "Elwin Norris, 16 years old, I live on 6th Avenue." My voice, still fierce.
    "Well, Elwin, were evacuating all civilians to a safe zone, please get in the transport." His English was off, but it was understandable.
    "Ok."

    The truck was warm, as if it had been running all morning, night, and the day before. No seats, just the bed of the truck. There were several other people in the truck, all looking just as cold as me.
    "Hello." I said it politely, I thought I said the right thing. By their faces, I didn't.
    "Shut up kid." An older guy coughed up to me. It was a sentence, it was a cough, like a dying smoker, with his last breathes upon him.
    "Fine then... So, where are we being evacuated to?"
    No response. None, zip, zilch.
    Gun fire still lit up my ears, now the loudest I had ever heard it. It was like a fourth of July fire cracker going off inches away from your face, but this was a different pop. I deadlier pop. The truck started up, it wasn't as smooth starting as the car's we have, or should I say, had.
    The wheels started turning, the truck, slowly inching forward, but accelerating. The smell of burning rubber burned my nostrils as we continued to gain speed, now reaching a good velocity. The cold morning had faded away to a decent midday.

    Hours seemed to pass, the day kept going on. It seemed as though we had gone around the entire city, picking up people, groups. The truck was overflowing with people of all ages, genders, races. Some didn't speak English, some tried to escape, those were the ones who didn't make it any further than that.
    "Get out! Get out! Get out!" A older officer apearred through the curtain in the truck, yelling frantically. A noisy sound blasted. Waiting my turn while the truck piled out, I stepped out and realized what the noise was. A giant, super long train. Strechting as far as I could see, all the way down the road, and as far as I could see, people where piling on.
    "Is this the evac-" Interupted.
    "Shut up kid, keep moving. Get out! Get out!" The officer kept yelling, he got right in my face. "I said, shut up!" He spit in my face.
    "Fuck you!" I was so angry, I couldn't control it, I spit back in his face. He took a couple of seconds to react. Too late I realized he was building anger, and focusing in all in his right hand, which held a pistol.
    He raised the pistol into the air, the butt forward.
    "Oh, you will pay!" He slammed the butt of the gun down, and onto my face. I don't remember what happened after that, I fell to the ground, and everything wen't pitch black.

    The smell of blood stained the air. My eyes squinted open, only to a sliver. The train was chugging along, the horn blowing. I raised my hands to my head, blood covered them, and blood stained my fore-arms.
    "Where, where am I." I questioned myself, talking to myself in an empty cart.
    "Your on board the nine o' seven son." A voice answered from behind me. I rolled over onto my back and stared up at the man. Old, greesy, looking like he hadn't shaved in years, old white beard.
    "The nine 0' seven?"
    "The nine O' seven son. You heard what I said, where on our way to New Orleans to evacuate the country. Your riding in the back cart."
    "What happened to me?" My hand was drenched in blood now, touching the wound on my forehead that only now I realize was the source of blood and pain.
    "Haha! You spoke up to that Russian Officer! Boy, he pistol whipped the fuck out of you!" He laughed full heartedly.
    "I'd like to see him try and do it agian." We sat in silence for a moment after that.
    "Get up, lets un hook this bitch." He stood up from behind me and walked out the doors of the train. Seconds later the train seemed to jump up, and come a screaching stop. "Take this, and lets walk." The stranger handed me a gun, this one heavier than the last, and bigger, a machine gun.


    To be continued...
    ---I know it's not perfect, please give me some criticism. Harsh please, I am wanting to improve.
    ---Fixed the errors in Chapter 1, Chapter 2 is finished, but with mistakes (Most likely)
    ---No harm was meant for any particular ethnicity.

  2. #2
    Fanatic Enthusiast Joel's Avatar


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    Re: Urban Warfare (Chapter 1)

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr. Farley
    Urban Warfare


    Chapter 1
    In One instance, everything was gone.

    My name is Elwin Norris. I知 16 years old. And I知 caught in the cross fire of war.

    Ash clogged my throat the moment I breathed it in. I opened the closet door to nothingness. The sky, a crimson red, night slowly approaching, but the explosion kept the sky from total blackness. The sky reminded me of blood, something I've seen lately, far to often. My friends, classmates, no where in sight.*
    I could now see across the street to a pile of rubble. Something I hadn't been able to do before I closed the door. Before the explosion, there stood a wall of lockers, senior class lockers. Now their littered with papers, ash and fire. Fire. It was so intense, blazing and bright. Aluminating the entire street, and providing a great view of death.
    All around me lay bodies, classmates, and teachers. Mrs. Richwood lay not ten feet from the door, around her lay three younger looking kids. Maybe eight years old, maybe younger, huddled around here. She was*obviously carousing them into the hall way, hoping for a greater chance at life. Obviously, her attempt failed.
    "Help, me. " Came a voice down the hall way. I stepped out into the ash and bodies, turned to look in the direction of the voice. A girl lay trapped below a heavy looking piece of rubble. I looked up to see the multi story building across the street missing a large chunk of its wall. This was what was laying on her.
    "I'm coming! Just hang in there." I yelled back, already starting into a jog down the hall way. With every step, the flames grew more intense and my body told me to stay back, yet I didn稚.
    撤lease, help me. I知 dy-. Her sentence cut short, another piece of rubble fell down and landed on her. She was gone.

    Off in the distance I could here the crackle of gun fire. The downtown hot zone. We were being invaded, and we were losing.
    I turned around, distrait by what I壇 seen. Another human being, a beautiful brunette girl crushed to death. This world has gone to hell. I thought as I made my way down the hall towards the back exit. A narrow fire escape, propped open by what seemed to be a body, and broken planks of wood.
    I reached the fire exit and made my way out onto the rubble filled street. Debree, smoke and ash still clogged my throat. I was breathing to much of this stuff in. I wouldn稚 last long if I continued to do so. I ran down the street until I came across a group of people running out of a burning building.
    滴ey, hey, hey! I yelled at them furiously trying to get their attention over the loud sound of gun fire.
    鼎ome on kid! Theirs a convoy leaving the city, lets go! A older gentlemen replied. The man, covered in ash, ran with a woman and two younger kids, a boy and a girl.
    鄭 convoy? Where痴 it at? I asked when I caught up to them.
    的t痴 down by the river front, it leaves in half an hour.
    典here痴 no way to reach the river front from this side of town in an hour. Plus, we値l be heading right into the middle of a war.
    的t痴 the only chance we致e got. He said it with a hint of worry in his voice. He was trying to show courage, but it was obvious he was just as scared as the rest of us.
    徹k, lets see if we can find a car to take. I said with worry also.
    哲o chance, you remember the first blast that happened about thirty minutes ago?
    添es, I remember, lights went out, and power went off, but no serious damage to anything.
    的t痴 a EMP. Electro-Magnetic Pulse. Wipes out all electrical objects, that includes cars. I was stunned, I didn稚 even realize something like that existed. How does he know that?
    鉄o, were screwed is what your saying. I said it with a firm voice, trying to imply what I was saying. He stared down at his kids.
    添es.

    Our attempt at escaping had gone unexpectedly smooth as of now. We still had twenty minutes to go until the convoy left, and had managed to avoid any cross fire while going downtown. Still, the loud crackle of gun fire came from a distance. It was close, but not too close.
    泥addy, when is this gonna stop? The girl asked. So innocent, sweet. She had no clue what was going on. All she saw was her mother and fathers worried faces, it worried her too. Her brother was the same age as her, eleven, old enough to know what fighting is, but not what war is.
    的t will stop soon, baby, I pro-. His sentence was cut short. I loud snap echoed throughout the city. Everyone flinched to this sound, it was so loud, yet, I couldn稚 figure out where it had come from. 迭un! Run! Run! The father yelled, and sprinted to the side of the road with daughter in his arms.
    I sprinted to the other side of the street, and hopped into a broken shop window. A fancy place, booths on both sides of me, a bar straight in front. The sign above the bar read DIEM, the rest was scratched off.
    溺ommy no! I turned around to the boy yelling to his mom. What I saw was haunting. In the middle of the street lay the kids mom, laying on her back, bleeding. 溺ommy come here quick! The boy began to cry. I never saw them again, the father had taken them into the shop, into the darkness, leaving me by myself.
    滴elp me! Someone, anyone? Help me! I yelled out in horror. I knew the sniper was still there, he had to be. But where was I to go? I couldn稚 stay in the restaurant, the building shook abruptly, it jarred my head, my brain shook. Bam!
    Another sniper shot fired. I turned around in the mold infested restraint to see the dust that remained from where the bullet had hit the cracked asphalt. Bam. Bam, Bam. Three more shots where fired, he was toying with me, daring me to stray from my hiding spot to rejoin the father and children.
    撤lease! For the love of god stop! I screamed aloud again, hoping maybe the shooter was a friendly mislead to believe he was shooting enemies. Alas, I was terribly wrong, another shot was fired, and another dust cloud popped up from the asphalt outside the restaurant.

    I stayed in the restaurant for what seemed like an eternity. Night had fallen, the city became dark with no street lights, building lights, or cars, but the sound of gun fire remained in the crisp night air.
    溺a-Maybe he痴 gone. I whispered to myself. I stood up from the booth I had been seated at. I peered out the window, I didn稚 know what I was expecting, I couldn稚 see anything but black. Pitch black.
    I crept up to the glass doors, still weary of death. Deaths scent filled my nostrils. The smell of blood, and rotting corpses. This was not normal for me, but hell, I had smelled it before at the school, nothing was different now.
    Nevertheless, I crept out into the street, so far so good, I made it about ten feet before I got that tingling sensation in my spine. That, awkward feeling you are not alone. The feeling that reminded you of the time you were reading a scary book and felt the presence of the evil force upon you. That, was my feeling.
    I darted off towards the other side of the road, now safely across, I turned around to view my narrow escape. And narrow it was. Three dust plumes rose from the air, and fainted into the cold night sky. Indeed, I wasn稚 alone.
    Va-Booom! A loud roar and thunder shook the fillings out of my teeth. Instantly the street was lit up. I ran outside to see a huge fire ball coming from a building, about mid way up. The gigantic fireball disappeared into the night sky, but the fire it left behind continued.
    Realizing where I stood now, in the middle of the road which I just about died, I sprinted back to the side walk. Why didn稚 I get shot when I was standing there? I walked back into the shop and laid down in the old rocking chair that stood in the corner of the shop. And fell asleep.


    To be continued...
    ---I know it's not perfect, please give me some criticism. Harsh please, I am wanting to improve.
    1. Aluminating-Illuminating
    2. This section could've been given more weight, a bit more emphasis. The "help I'm dieing" bit was pretty cliche as well.
    3. Distrait-Distraught
    4. Debree-Debris
    5. To-Too
    6. Gentlemen-Gentleman
    7. Repetition can be good in some cases, but in this instance a bit of variation in your vocab couldn't have hurt.
    8. Were-We're
    9. Your-You're
    10. Imply really isn't the right word in this context. Reinforce would be my choice.
    Overall the plot has promise, but proof read in future lol.

  3. #3
    Pen
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    Re: Urban Warfare (Chapter 1)

    Thanks, I knew there were several mistakes there, I couldn't figure them out and spell check was a bitch.

  4. #4
    Dedicated Member Faulty Cripple's Avatar

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    Re: Urban Warfare (Chapter 1)

    This is a great little page you typed here, but a lot of spelling and grammar errors.
    I couldn't stop reading it though.
    Well done.

    Fix those little problems and start on the next chapter pl0xxxx
    xbx is gud
    |Xbox GT: Faulty Cripple

  5. #5
    Pen
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    Re: Urban Warfare (Chapter 1)

    Thank you very much, Chapter 1 is almost done, some parts retyped, grammar and spelling errors fixed.

  6. #6
    Pen
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    Re: Urban Warfare (Chapter 1)

    Updated.
    Chapter 2 is now there.

  7. #7
    Fanatic Enthusiast Vices's Avatar

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    Re: *Updated* Urban Warfare (Chapter 3)

    That was pretty damned good. I was wondering, do you want to write a jointed story like this some time?


  8. #8
    Pen
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    Re: *Updated* Urban Warfare (Chapter 3)

    Quote Originally Posted by Swey
    That was pretty damned good. I was wondering, do you want to write a jointed story like this some time?
    Absolutely. I have always wanted to write a good jointed story. Just let me know any details about it. And I'd be more than glad to write the first chapter for it.

  9. #9
    Pen
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    Re: *Updated* Urban Warfare (Chapter 3)

    Okay, so the rest of the story will be put onto my website, as I can't submit the rest of Chapter 2, and Chapter's 3 and 4. Due to them being to large. So I'll be posting them on my website. Visit it for the rest of the story. And also to see anything else I will be working on.


 

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