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  1. #1
    Regular Member ictoansict's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009

    Unfinished Story

    Like it says in the topic title, it isn't finished, but I'm too uninspired to figured out how to keep this going. Basically, the prompt (for my writing class) is that I need to take a character from a children's book, I've chosen If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, and put a character in the real world and write what happens, etc. etc.

    This is what I have:

    If you give a mouse a cookie, the cycle will begin.

    This has always been my ingenious plan: beg for a cookie from an innocent child, and then use them as my servant to satisfy my needs. This idea has been mapped out from the start, and required months of calculating to develop a schedule that could last forever.

    Because no one would say “no” to a cute, wittle mouse.

    I laugh heartily as I stroll out of my hole, carrying a chunk of a chocolate chip cookie larger than myself. It was about time for me to pull out my “help the poor mousey” routine; surely my servant would be home from this “skuh-ool” place he runs off to each day.

    Suddenly, I become aware of a chilling sensation along my spine. Something is wrong.

    This is not my home. My home has fresh-smelling, clean carpets, not this old rotting wood beneath my feet. The wallpaper is supposed to be white and new, not this peeling, grey trash stuck to a wall. The furniture is old and breaking, I hear the pipes creaking, and I run to avoid drowning by the cursed, dripping ceiling. Everything seems more cramped too, not nearly as room as it once was.

    What has happened? How long have I been gone?!

    I cannot ponder these questions for long, as a shadow overcomes me. It is larger than anything I have seen, and it goes on for miles. My goodness, has something blocked out the Sun?

    I turn to evaluate the cause to such darkness; what I see does nothing short of horrify me.

    A large, dark-skinned woman stands before me, looking enraged. Her hair, midnight black, wraps around strange, colorful tubes. A long, fluffy, pink robe covers her person, and a large, but familiarly shaped object is in her hand. A broom; I remember using one a few times myself. It’s harmless enough, but the crazed look in her eyes as she holds it is very unnerving. Without warning, the cleaning tool swings above her head, and the woman screeches what I could only define as a war cry.

    “RRRRRAAAAAAAAATTTTTT!” The broom is crashing down towards me. I scream in absolute terror and flee, still clutching desperately to the portion of cookie I had been holding.

    Her attacks are ruthless as she chases me around the confined and out-dated space. Each swing of the broom lands no more than a few inches. The reciprocating force of wind that accompanies each strike causes me to stumble, slowing me down further. During the entire event only one though echoes in my mind.

    I must escape. I must get home.

    As if answered by some higher being, I spot my opening. A crack lies in the wall that is barely large enough for me to fit through. I take my chances and dive for it.

    I did not miss.

    I lay gasping for air as I hear the beast within that rotting abode grumble and leave. I was safe once more, if you could say that. I was alone in a strangle world with nothing but a cookie and no means to defend myself; surely I would be dead within the hour if I did not move.

    Death would be quite a hindrance to my plans.

    A/N: ..Wow, that seems WAY longer in word :/ But I'm thinking of having pigeons take his cookie and the mouse must venture to the top of the Statue of Liberty to get it back. Any opinions?

    I.C.T.O.A.N.S.I.C.T. - I Couldn't Think Of Another Name So I Chose This.[/center:1japffde]

  2. #2
    Pen is offline

    Join Date
    Mar 2009

    Re: Unfinished Story

    Well, it was really good writing. I really do enjoy, If you give a mouse a cookie. One of my all time favorite children books. But I am getting lost to where you're going with this. But it's not finished yet, so maybe it will all pan out good.


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