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Thread: a miner's tale

  1. #1
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2010

    a miner's tale

    Hello everybody, this is my short story for school: A miner's tale. Please tell me what you think of it and what I can make better. Thanks .

    "All right! Just one more vein of coal 'til the day's done!" the Leader yells. "Yessir" says the man to my left. He's so exhausted he slurs the words, like some sort of animal. I guess that's what mining does to you. Luckily for us though, our steel pickaxes rip through like paper. "Iron! I've got some iron!" David called. Iron is a lucky find.

    We smelt the iron with coal which creates steel, which we can use to make more picks. We're almost unhappy when iron is found, because it condemns us to more mining. It's not like 'Happy Miners', the company we work for, is short on iron though. They're stinking rich. Us, the workers, go for minimum wage and risk our lives for these guys. Anyway, the mine. A long tunnel, with branches off down in to mineshafts. Just like many T shapes on top of eachother. The mines are lit with lanterns down the tunnel and torches down the mineshafts. Overall, the mines are bathed in a warm, dim light. Even with the cosy warmth, these mines still send shivers down our spines.

    "All right, that's a day's work!" our leader calls, as he notices David unearthing our jet black ticket to freedom. Coal. The miners shuffle out as quiet chit chat erutps. David stays behind. Sure, he's our best miner and he's damn committed but who wants to stay down here?! It's an early grave. Wait..what the hell was that? "Hey!" I call to the other miners. "Did anybody else hear that?" Slowly, and with a couple more shouts and shoves the hum of busybody miners fade, to reveal a different noise. Growling? It's like some sort of buzzing... But..what's buzzing or growling hundreds of meters below the surface of the earth? It's probably one of the pipes, or another miner playing a trick, but I've got a bad feeling about this... "What are you playing at, small fry?" A tall, large figure speaks down on to me like I'm a mere rat, or worm. Heck, I guess I am. I was never made out for mining, but my Father made me. "Uh, nothing.." I say. The wild natter of a day's work erupts again, but I can still hear the growling. The miners turn away, and the sound turns to...quiet weeping? And....rumbling? Even with the miners talking loudly, I can hear rumbling. It's getting closer. Hell, this is terrifying. I'm getting out of here.

    "Earthquake!" A man called Matt cried. "Earthquake?! Earthquake!!" The howls of earthquake were carried down the tunnels, down the mineshafts and in to my brain. The sound hit home. Hard. Red hot steamy adrenaline rushed through my veins and arteries as I sprinted through the crowd of miners to get out. The ceiling's stalactites were also falling, puncturing the ground and miners alike. Agh! A flying pebble whacks me in my forehead, and I black out.

    I regain consciousness, and the chaos continues as if I had never blacked out at all. The miners are still trying to evacuate, and I suppose they're doing a good job of it. Though I guess that in emergency situations you're forced to think on your feet, and have one goal and though: survive! In the mad scramble of the process of evacuation, I notice that David's still staying behind. "David! What in the hell are you doing?!" I shout through the madness. He stares at me..with a blank expression... He's just standing there, the fool. Oh well. I'm not a hero! I'm running, i'm running, i'm running. I'm out. I made it! This is a miracle. A dead end job, minimum wage but I made my way out of that collapsing mine just fine. I calm down. And I remember. David. He's still in there! I go against all of my instincts and run back in. Back in to the warm, dim light, back in to the many T shapes and back to David. I don't want him to die.

    I see him.

    David's stood there, facing me and about 3 meters away. He's just stood there. I notice his eyes; completely white. "David..?" I query. David now adopts a grin: a very wide and very evil grin. His wide smirk now nestles and cradles several rows of..fangs. More and more sharp teeth grow in to the ever expanding jaw of my old friend. Claws and talons sprout from his hands and fingernails, and his skin slowly turns red. His body becomes frail and short horns crop up from his temple. He's undergoing a transformation. He's a demon. David slowly walks towards me, but I don't move. I can't. He's paralyzed me with his evil spell. I can't look away, I can't look away, I can't! David reaches out to me with his skinny arms, and places a single hand on my forehead and skull. His grip tightens. 'Crack'. Black out.

    I wake up! I'm in the mine, where David is..wait, no. Was. He's not here? Did that really happen, or was it a dream? I'm not sure.. What's happening? I don't know. All I know is that I need to get out..Where is out? Also: don't know. The entrance seems to be blocked off. Oh god, my head. What happened? I madly feel my cranium to see if there are any bones broken..Nope, doesn't seem like it. Good. I was worried there. Righto, I'd best get to work on these rocks in my way. Heavy things, so I'd best mind out. Luckily, 'Happy Miners' provide us with gloves in case of this situation. They also give us a torch, but of course that's of limited supply. Unless..Oh! Of course! It's a wind-up torch! Genius. I use the dim light to navigate my way to the rocks bulging outwards. Oop, here we go! After a heave and a ho, I move a single rock..this isn't going to work. I'm trapped.

    Trapped! How could I be so stupid?! I guess that pebble in the earthquake really did knock me out, and I imagined David turning in to a demon..but still, David stayed behind in the earthquake..surely he'd still be here? Heck, I don't know. Maybe he's dead. As they say: those who live by the sword, die by the sword. That's probably what happened to David. At least, that's what I think. Not necessarily hope, but think. I don't want to lose David. Hm. Even though he excelled at mining, he was still a good friend Hm..what's that? I'm curious. Over there, in the corner of the darknes...two white spots.. But they're not quite circles, they're a bit..squashed. Eyes?


    I cry out in terror, madly tearing at the protruding rocks with my hands, teeth, what ever I can. I turn around again, realising there's no hope: embracing my death. After a few seconds of shut eyed terror, I peek. The eyes are gone. I'm..still worried. I now give attention to the thought of where the eyes came from?

    What's this? Looks like a cavern. Nice! I did always like caverns. Not as much because they're so..natural and untouched, because of all the rare minerals you can find! Iron, gold, and the elusive diamond even! Oooh, lovely. I do like diamonds. So..shiny and rare. As the bright blue mineral glitters in the torch light, I rip it away with my steel pickaxe and fashion myself a super strong diamond pickaxe. That's always been my dream. Far fetched? Maybe. Impossible? No. Anyway, I'd best make the most out of this cavern. I might even find some grubs or worms to feast on in my final days, just to keep me going for a few more vital seconds. I don't want to die. I'm afraid of death.

    "Too bad." Says an all too familiar voice. I know that voice. The voice that I've not heard often, but nonetheless I know who it is. "Hello, D-David." I stutter. I'm terrified, but I stand my ground. Where is he? He's somewhere in the cavern.......Woosh! In the blink of an eye, my torch is stolen from my hand. He's taken it. What now? I'm supposing that a demon cave dweller has good vision, so it looks like I'm dead. I must be easy prey! Haha, to think of me as easy prey! I'm not going down without a fight.

    David strikes first. A swipe to my face, which leaves a deep gash. I wildly swing in to the darkness, hoping for a hit. I manage a hit in his body - I know I hit his body because I could feel his frail ribs cracking and breaking. "Weakling." I say, but my voice sounds deeper than normal, and more..menacing. I don't care though, I want David dead! I manage another hit to his head. My hands turn in to raging clubs of fury as I manage to make out the dim shape of blood red skin. His skull cracks, along with several other bones. I don't stop swinging my arms. Then, I notice a change. I can see now, I can see in the dark. I look at myself.

    The look is far too familiar. White eyes, rows of sharp fangs, claws and talons, short horns, frail body, blood red skin. It's all true. The dream about David's transformation was true, and now I'm turning in to a demon too. I can feel it, and I embrace it. It's been far too long since I've kicked some behind. All my life I've been put down, 1-upped and beaten up by my highers. No more! David's dead, and I killed him. I'll live on in the name. David. David is my new identity, and I now realise that my goal is to dig to more miners, and take another victim. This is the cycle of life. Who lives by the sword, dies by the sword.

    remember it is just a short story so shouldnt be taken too seriously :P

  2. #2
    Newbie Sgt-Vegas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    53.762691, -1.796908

    Re: a miner's tale

    Did you make an account just to post this? Seems evident given the fact that your name is abc123 and you only have 1 post.

  3. #3
    Veteran Enthusiast LeadingManNigel's Avatar

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    May 2005
    New York City

    Re: a miner's tale

    Wrong section bro. moved*

  4. #4
    Fresh Newbie
    Join Date
    Nov 2010

    Re: a miner's tale

    Thanks nigel

    and yes Sgt Vegas I have been around darkdemon for a while but I wrote this story last night so I thought 'well I might as well just post it',and abc123 was the first thing i could think of :P


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