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  1. #1
    Insanity Skype's Avatar



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    The Cold Wind (Updated)

    Forgot about this and recently salvaged it off of my phone memory stick. Added quite a bit, lemme know what you think.

    -

    The cold wind, carrying debris and ash, blew through the small hollow in which he laid. It pushed against the small camp fire keeping him warm while he slept. Keeping the beasts at a distance. Persistent like a young dog, it kept blowing and blowing against the fire, each gust becoming marginally stronger. The fire stood its ground, crackling back into life after each hit until finally it could take no more. One last thrust from the lonely air put the flame to its rest, and darkness shrouded the hollow.

    A howl came from the hills, not far from the cave, and reactions quick as lightning, his eyes bolted open and his pupils writhed frantically in his skull trying to adjust to the dark. His palms became sweaty, and a shiver of fear struck his body. His breathing increased from a gentle slumber to a quick sprint. He bit his lower lip and clenched his fists, holding back the tears of fright.
    Slowly he reached for his bag, which was to the right of the smouldering remains of the lively fire. He closed his eyes as tight as he could, pawing at the ground aimlessly trying to find what could save his life. His aged hand gripped onto his bag, and he slowly dragged it towards himself, retracting his legs as he did so. He wiped his eyes with a section of his overall, trying to control his breathing. He fumbled to open the clips to his bag, reached inside and felt the cold barrel of his Walther P99.
    His breathing rate lowered, not back to its gentle slumber, but to something calmer than before. He wiped his clammy hands on his torn trousers and reached back into his bag, this time for his flashlight. He brought it out and as he went to press the switch, the switch that would bring him the protection of light, he heard the snap of a twig to his side. He froze. His heart rate increased. Water coated his eyes and dripped down the side of his face, touching the corner of his mouth. He tasted the salt in his tears and slowly laid the flashlight down in his lap.

    He heard another snap, water now streaming down the side of his face. It was too late, and he knew it. A grown man would not be heard of to be afraid of the dark. Darkness is what should scare children. But when a man knows that his fears of the dark as a child, and the beasts and creatures his mind conjured up are as real as you or I, he has every right to be afraid of the dark.
    As with darkness, in this sick, twisted land, comes death.

    The sun rose over the small hills, peaking over the rubbish, and it sliced through the branches of nearby trees. The trees were crippled from radiation, and cast a sinister shadow onto the maroon ground, decorated with dead wood and rotting flesh. With light came protection, and so STALKERS. The prisoners of this malevolent world. A group of 5 wandered cautiously through the wasteland, the hoods of their overalls up and their weapons in hand. They searched every body and container they could find, as supplies at the hostel were running dangerously thin.

    "Wolf, come take a look at this." One of the men said, his voice thick with age. Wolf complied and stepped over to the hollow by which the man was standing.

    "Poor bastard..." Wolf said, and pulled down his hood in respect.

    The man's old voice croaked again. "What do you think did this?"

    "I'm not sure." Wolf replied. "I've seen these kinds of wounds before, but never heard of the beast that makes them."

    The man knelt down next to the mauled body, inspecting its ripped overall.
    "Ugh, Christ." The man sighed sorrowfully.

    The face of the mauled body was stricken with fear. Eyes wide open and white as the purest marble, salt crystals stuck to his aged face from his eyes down to his chin. The man pulled the corpse's eye lids down before searching his overall, and retrieving a can of meat and half a stick of stale bread. As he pocketed the goods, he noticed a worn bag to the right of the body. He reached out a hand and grabbed it.

    "Wolf." He grunted, throwing the decrepit bag to him.
    Wolf caught the bag in one hand, and holstered his MP54 before unclipping it. Inside he found a black flashlight and a Walther P99.

    "Rookie." Wolf shouted, turning around to face the rest of his group.

    "Sir!" The Rookie replied, his voice full of youth. Unaware of the dangers of the prison he's in.

    "Here, catch." Wolf said, making sure the safety latch of the pistol is on, and chucking it at the Rookie.

    The Rookie caught the exhausted firearm, inspecting every groove and notch. He checked the clip- eight rounds -and holstered the weapon. Wolf turned back to face the man, he pulled out the flashlight and threw the bag onto the black pile of ash that was once a lively fire. One of the men, next to the Rookie, stepped forward, his tattered boot crushing the small remains of a mutant rodent.
    "Wolf, camp wants us back. They're preparing a recon team to enter X18."
    Wolf remained still. One hand on the grip of his MP54, the other at his side and his eyes fixed on the maimed corpse. The man by the hollow looked up at him through his hazy eyes with look of anxiety on his wrinkled face.

    "X18.." Wolf reluctantly replied. "X18..."

    Wolf turned to face his three men and walked right through them onto the gravel path leading down towards the hostel. The men hung back for a few seconds, watching him shuffle down the path, almost dragging his feet like an unwilling child. Then the man by the hollow stepped forwards and nudged the team onwards. Slowly they followed Wolf, keeping their distance from the troubled veteran.


    The hostel was a place of refuge for STALKERs, a place to rest and converse with the other prisoners. Like every other building in the Zone, the paint was peeling, the glass from the windows was shattered and the carpet-less wooden floor was laden with debris and dry dirt. Rickety metal bed frames were scattered around every room, each frame with its own rugged mattress; places for fatigued STALKERs to sleep.

    Outside is the community room of the hostel. Aged stalkers discussing their stories with the younger rookies around a campfire, the trading of goods, and chatter accompanied by the soft strumming of old guitars salvaged from the zone.


    Chapter 2: No place for young men

    "I was returning from a raid with some veteran Freedom's." He said in a calm, quiet voice. "The sun had just gone down as we were late out of the tunnel."

    Klav was a veteran STALKER. On a nightly basis he would share his stories with the younger STALKERs, scaring them to death. Despite the horror described in Klav's stories, there was an odd aura that surrounded his tales, making you unable to stop listening once your mind is hooked. He talks about the most macabre mutants found deep within the zone, and the glorious artefacts created by the explosion, and about how he and his team navigated the zone for sometimes days without food in search of the zone's most mystifying wonders.

    "We were heading back to a make shift camp further down the dirt track from the entrance to the tunnel. Past some easily guardable buildings. Small enough to be secure but big enough to house us from the weather. We even managed to dig out little holes towards the back of one of the buildings to slide into in the event of a blowout."

    "Much more comfortable than this shit-hole!" He finished with, smirking and tossing a small piece of bread into his mouth. The rookies chuckled, the sound of guitar weaving in and out of the synchronised laughs. Even the faint trace of a smile appeared on the face of an extinguished stalker guarding the perimeter near Klav.

    Wolf and his team ambled past Klav and his followers, Wolf's men shaking hands with the other STALKER's on duty as they pass. Wolf flicked the safety pin on his MP54 and gently swung it from his hip round to his back and stood by Klav's side.

    "Telling them your bullshit stories again, Klav?" He says in a toying manner, handing Klav a bottle of Vodka.

    "Now Wolf, it keeps the rookies entertained, does it not?" He replies, playfully elbowing Wolf in the stomach.

    "Haha, true, but keep them clean," Wolf jokes, walking towards the bunks. "Us older STALKERs have heard about some of the stuff you've done in the zone, and it's far uglier than the tales you're telling now!" Wolf chuckles, taking a large mouthful of his own bottle of vodka.

    "Triple distilled!" Wolf shouts, shutting the door to the bunks behind him. Klav laughs to himself, takes another gulp of his vodka and turns to the rest of the rookies to continue his story.

    Inside the bunks, Wolf walks over to one of the junkyard-like bed frames and carefully places his drink on the floor at the side of the bed. He unclips his weapon from its sling, removes the magazine and ejects the loaded round; catching it in his scarred hand.

    "I know you don't like what's in there." A strong, clear voice says from across the hall. Wolf's eyes briefly twitch in the direction of the sound; he restrains himself from turning.

    "Then why are you sending me there?" Wolf replies, gripping the tattered 9mm round in frustration.

    The unknown STALKER lets out a prolonged sigh, and the bed frame squeaks as he gets up.

    "You're my best STALKER. We can't let the Duty faction get what's in there before we do. Everybody knows us faction-less rogues have more loyalty between us than those Duty dogs, and Shulga has a pitiful reputation amongst the zone."

    Wolf turns to him, relaxing his shoulders. "What is in there? What am I looking for?"

    "I don't know." The man replies, gently placing a hand on Wolf's shoulder. "But I know it's important enough to attract Duty attention and for that reason we need to intervene."

    Wolf remains silent, looking down at his weapon. "Fine. Let the others know we leave for X18 at day break. Tell them to rest up now if they are out worshipping Klav."

    The man gets up slowly, patting Wolf's shoulder. He moves towards the exit of the bunks.
    "And Strelok" Wolf says before he exists.

    Strelok lets the door swing shut as he turns around. "Yes, Wolf?"

    "I'm going to need a bigger gun." Wolf says, a smile creeping onto his face.

    Strelok smiles back, pushing his back against the door to open it. Wolf places his sub machine gun next to his vodka and swings his tired legs up onto the mattress.

    He hears Strelok shouting at the other STALKERs. "Mikhail! Khruschev! Dmitry! Get some sleep, we're leaving tomorrow at sun up."

    Wolf laughs to himself quietly, his heavy eyes closing more and more with each blink.

  2. #2
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    Re: The Cold Wind (Updated)

    Hey that was really good. I loved how you gave the impression of a rough atmosphere, if y'no what I mean.

    'The hostel was a place of refuge for STALKERs, a place to rest and converse with the other prisoners. Like every other building in the Zone, the paint was peeling, the glass from the windows was shattered and the carpet-less wooden floor was laden with debris and dry dirt. Rickety metal bed frames were scattered around every room, each frame with its own rugged mattress; places for fatigued STALKERs to sleep.'

    That phrase for example, you really caught the feeling of the building that it was rough, run-down and dirty.

    I also really like the theme of it, it caught my attention well.
    I don't really know much about writing, so there's not much more I can really say. But in my opinion it's really good.

    Make more Skype

  3. #3
    Enthusiast OblivionFall's Avatar

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    Re: The Cold Wind (Updated)

    o.O

    I actually enjoyed this a lot. Its rather different from the writing style I am used to reading, but that's just personal preference. I'm not going to try and deny that this was well written, because it is. In terms of descriptive language you did very well (much as to what Lithium said in his post).

    The storyline seems to have great potential, I am interested to see where it leads

  4. #4
    Insanity Skype's Avatar



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    Re: The Cold Wind (Updated)

    Thank you both, positive feed back inspires me.

  5. #5
    Fanatic Enthusiast Axon's Avatar

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    Re: The Cold Wind (Updated)

    This is really good quality stuff imo. It sounds like the storyline to a game or something


  6. #6
    Insanity Skype's Avatar



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    Re: The Cold Wind (Updated)

    Moar.

    Wolf and his team ambled past Klav and his followers, Wolf's men shaking hands with the other STALKER's on duty as they pass. Wolf flicked the safety pin on his MP54 and gently swung it from his hip round to his back and stood by Klav's side.

    "Telling them your bullshit stories again, Klav?" He says in a toying manner, handing Klav a bottle of Vodka.

    "Now Wolf, it keeps the rookies entertained, does it not?" He replies, playfully elbowing Wolf in the stomach.

    "Haha, true, but keep them clean," Wolf jokes, walking towards the bunks. "Us older STALKERs have heard about some of the stuff you've done in the zone, and it's far uglier than the tales you're telling now!" Wolf chuckles, taking a large mouthful of his own bottle of vodka.

    "Triple distilled!" Wolf shouts, shutting the door to the bunks behind him. Klav laughs to himself, takes another gulp of his vodka and turns to the rest of the rookies to continue his story.

    Inside the bunks, Wolf walks over to one of the junkyard-like bed frames and carefully places his drink on the floor at the side of the bed. He unclips his weapon from its sling, removes the magazine and ejects the loaded round; catching it in his scarred hand.

    "I know you don't like what's in there." A strong, clear voice says from across the hall. Wolf's eyes briefly twitch in the direction of the sound; he restrains himself from turning.

    "Then why are you sending me there?" Wolf replies, gripping the tattered 9mm round in frustration.

    The unknown STALKER lets out a prolonged sigh, and the bed frame squeaks as he gets up.

    "You're my best STALKER. We can't let the Duty faction get what's in there before we do. Everybody knows us faction-less rogues have more loyalty between us than those Duty dogs, and Shulga has a pitiful reputation amongst the zone."

    Wolf turns to him, relaxing his shoulders. "What is in there? What am I looking for?"

    "I don't know." The man replies, gently placing a hand on Wolf's shoulder. "But I know it's important enough to attract Duty attention and for that reason we need to intervene."

    Wolf remains silent, looking down at his weapon. "Fine. Let the others know we leave for X18 at day break. Tell them to rest up now if they are out worshipping Klav."

    The man gets up slowly, patting Wolf's shoulder. He moves towards the exit of the bunks.
    "And Strelok" Wolf says before he exists.

    Strelok lets the door swing shut as he turns around. "Yes, Wolf?"

    "I'm going to need a bigger gun." Wolf says, a smile creeping onto his face.

    Strelok smiles back, pushing his back against the door to open it. Wolf places his sub machine gun next to his vodka and swings his tired legs up onto the mattress.

    He hears Strelok shouting at the other STALKERs. "Mikhail! Khruschev! Dmitry! Get some sleep, we're leaving tomorrow at sun up."

    Wolf laughs to himself quietly, his heavy eyes closing more and more with each blink.

    The sun was shyly poking up over the hills of the zone, casting orange light onto the grounds of the hostel. Wind howled between the dilapidated buildings, blowing balls of dust and dead leaves through the pathways.

    "Wake up Wolf, it's time to leave." Strelok whispers, trying not to awake the other STALKERs.

    Wolf swings off the bed, his eyes still closed. He takes a sip of the vodka left by his side and picks up his MP45 and its sling.

    He follows Strelok outside of the bunk where he meets with the rest of the STALKERs.

    "Morning Dmitry, where are the others?" He says, clipping the sling back onto his weapon, and throwing it over his shoulder.

    "The armoury. Tweak hauled in some pretty good gear last night after you went to bed- we're using that." Dmitry replied.

    Strelok ushers them towards the armoury.

    "Ah, morning Mikhail, Khruschev." Wolf announces, rubbing his hands together. "What have you got for me?"

    Tweak appears from behind one of the racks, holding two exo-suits over his shoulders.

    "Holy shit" Wolf exclaims, his shoulders dropping along with his jaw. "How the hell did you get those?"

    "Aha!" Tweak replies, "Me and some of my Freedom boys raided a small roadside armoury that the Duty had- kind of like a pit stop for their on-patrol members. Managed to get in there, grab a crate of ammo and these babies."

    "Good stuff, this will help greatly." Wolf replies, grinning and taking one of the heavy suits from Tweak.

    "Here the other is for you, Mikhail." Tweak says, handing him the other suit. "Heard your SEVA suit took a beating in the last Monolith raid."

    Mikhail takes the suit and examines it, running his hands over the metal joints and thick kevlar plates.

  7. #7
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    Re: The Cold Wind (Updated)

    Love the continuation you just made. This story is really getting interesting.

    "I'm going to need a bigger gun." Wolf says, a smile creeping onto his face.

    I love that bit, it immediately caught my attention that something cool is going to happen in the next park.
    It's actually pretty fun reading this, lol. I should check the literature section more often. Good luck with the next bit.

  8. #8
    Fanatic Enthusiast Joel's Avatar


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    Re: The Cold Wind (Updated)

    Just read them all, and I enjoyed them. As Lithium said the atmosphere was described well, and the intro was a great way to start, really caught my attention and illustrated what sort of environment these people are in, the writing was also really well done, specifically the 3rd paragraph.
    The characters and their respective personalities are described well, but still leave plenty of room for development. I hope you continue with them, you've got something good going here.

  9. #9
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    Re: The Cold Wind (Updated)

    Lithium and Joel pretty much said it all, really enjoying this and I hope you continue it very soon

  10. #10
    Enthusiast Mavs's Avatar


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    Re: The Cold Wind (Updated)

    Simply amazing, as i read the story I imagined the scenes in my head, all parts of the story were described with the most minute detail, i also love how you gave importance to the scenes that make up the backbone of the story, sort of like the scene with Klav and the rookies, one aspect that I think you nailed in the story. The choice of words was deep, and used to an extent where anyone could understand the situation being described.

    It's wonderful overall, I'm just waiting for the next update just make sure its as good as this.
    [center:1a8tztwm][/center:1a8tztwm]


 
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