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Thread: Darkness.

  1. #1
    J.D
    J.D is offline
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    Join Date
    Mar 2011
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    England, UK.
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    Darkness.

    [center:25f2u3sx]The world caving in,
    Wreckless abandon defiant
    to curse it's final remnants
    deep in our hearts.

    Brothers bonds destroyed
    as blood flows freely between
    Heart speaks unto heart
    When life's flame extinguish.

    Alas, the final gate is broken
    the nightmares seep through
    tainting our dreams, our hope
    no longer we prevail against the darkness.


    I'm not entirely sure what inspired me to write this, I just started writing. I hope you guys like it.

    -S.
    [/center:25f2u3sx]

  2. #2
    Devoted Veteran
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    10,069

    Re: Darkness.

    I enjoyed it, although there were some problems that threw me off a bit.. mainly punctuation. Nice imagery, but try to play around a bit more with some wording; try to give it a nice flow by using more elegant words, it helps when not following a rhyme pattern.

  3. #3
    J.D
    J.D is offline
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    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    England, UK.
    Posts
    118

    Re: Darkness.

    Thanks for the critisism man, and I hope you don't take this as a "Derp derp I'm just covering my tracks" excuse or anything. But the style I was looking for was one that lacked flow, or correct punctuation, as such, the poem is about complete and utter abandon of all things rational, or 'normal'. As our nightmares are something that, even though our mind is thinking up frame by frame, we are entirely unaware of what is going to happen next.

    Thanks man.

    -S.


 

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