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  1. #1
    Devoted Veteran Crono's Avatar


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    that's how it goes

    Saw a sweet young girl who looked quite feeble.
    Seemed timid -- had a constant fear of people
    'cause when she gets home her drunk man's gonna beat 'er.

    Black eye, busted lip, poor girl's lookin' like shit
    after he had a chat with Jack Daniels, one hit
    to her face and all those harsh words he tends to spit.

    Man, this girl needs a man who ain't a little rascal
    'cause she can't take no more, she's become too fragile
    for this problem that's more than a fuckin' hassle.

    Pride in my pocket -- I approach this person
    to tell her it ain't worth it, that it's gonna worsen
    so long as she carries the beast and the burden.

    She took me by my palm with her finger-tips,
    tried to speak but words couldn't elude her lips;
    'cause ain't no other man try to tell her this.

    Tells me her name's Annemarie and it's nice to see
    that she is actually quite comfortable with me
    even though we met only shortly after three.

    This was four days ago -- wonder what she's doin' though;
    wonder if she'll make it yo -- kinda startin' to give me woe.
    Got off work later that evenin', shocked by what seein'
    right there on CNN: "girl kills man while sleepin' in"

    These words beat my ear-drum like a fuckin' timpani;
    I turn off the T.V. timidly but willfully.
    He thrashed the threshold while feeling bitterly bold
    so she grabbed a bat and beat him fuckin' cold

    It's a mother fuckin' shame she'll be servin' life
    'cause her whole goddamn life has been nothin' but strife.
    But that's just how shit goes in the world today,
    and to think that we all tell our kids it'll be okay.

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    forum rules staff team forum search [/center:1o6efzo1]

  2. #2
    Devoted Veteran
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    Re: that's how it goes

    Damn man, that shit was fuckin' ace. Great rhyming, flow, and usage of words.. with a striking message. Wonderful. I urge you to keep writing more stuff like this; I'll be looking forward to seeing something from you again.

  3. #3
    Fanatic Enthusiast Xenomorph's Avatar


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    Re: that's how it goes

    Damn it, Crono. I don't get around this section often enough to appreciate this caliber of writing. Kudos to you, my friend. I'm amazed, to be honest. First-Class writing with a colloquial style that belies the seriousness of it's message. Startling effect when used properly- and you most certainly did.
    SA$_/AI%20has log[d in.
    > S&ys|BT
    > P_s word?
    > OMEGA
    >> A^e_%20_u su!e? (Y/N)
    > Y
    >> S##t m_ Rebooting. Hello, Samuel.

  4. #4
    Devoted Veteran Crono's Avatar


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    Re: that's how it goes

    Quote Originally Posted by Xenomorph
    Damn it, Crono. I don't get around this section often enough to appreciate this caliber of writing. Kudos to you, my friend. I'm amazed, to be honest. First-Class writing with a colloquial style that belies the seriousness of it's message. Startling effect when used properly- and you most certainly did.
    Oh, wow. Thanks a ton man. I appreciate that a whole lot.

    By 'a colloquial style that belies the seriousness of it's message' you do mean it's informal yet quite serious at the same time, right? Or something like that, I assume. Get back to me, please. It's nice to receive comments with material as this section is next to dead.
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  5. #5
    Fanatic Enthusiast Xenomorph's Avatar


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    Re: that's how it goes

    That's exactly what I meant, yes. Informal styles are notoriously difficult to convey serious messages in, but you've managed that quite well. The rhyme scheme is also great- retaining a general rhyming pattern while using half-rhymes to avoid strain. ('Feeble' and 'People', for example.) The in-line rhymes also provide a great rhythmic quality to the piece as a whole. ("Tells me her name's Annemarie and it's nice to see")
    SA$_/AI%20has log[d in.
    > S&ys|BT
    > P_s word?
    > OMEGA
    >> A^e_%20_u su!e? (Y/N)
    > Y
    >> S##t m_ Rebooting. Hello, Samuel.

  6. #6
    Devoted Veteran Crono's Avatar


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    Re: that's how it goes

    Quote Originally Posted by Xenomorph
    That's exactly what I meant, yes. Informal styles are notoriously difficult to convey serious messages in, but you've managed that quite well. The rhyme scheme is also great- retaining a general rhyming pattern while using half-rhymes to avoid strain. ('Feeble' and 'People', for example.) The in-line rhymes also provide a great rhythmic quality to the piece as a whole. ("Tells me her name's Annemarie and it's nice to see")
    Right on. Thanks again man.

    here's another:

    Deep within my mind
    there's this place where
    thoughts swirl through my brain
    as if it were an aqueduct.

    Infinite ideas collide
    like sand and tide.
    This place is what
    I want it be:
    A beach chair
    by the sea;
    a Hyperborea-esque
    land beyond the
    north winds where
    sunshine never thins.

    Concepts blossom
    into abstract shapes
    as I sit still pondering,
    wondering through
    never ending meadows
    or busy business districts.

    I am a creator
    crafting this place
    like a dream-weaver
    night knitting.


    The theme is 'a third place'.

    Quote Originally Posted by Wikipedia
    Oldenburg calls one's "first place" the home and those that one lives with. The "second place" is the workplace where people may actually spend most of their time. Third places, then, are "anchors" of community life and facilitate and foster broader, more creative interaction. All societies already have informal meeting places; what is new in modern times is the intentionality of seeking them out as vital to current societal needs. Oldenburg suggests these hallmarks of a true "third place": free or inexpensive; food and drink, while not essential, are important; highly accessible: proximate for many (walking distance); involve regulars those who habitually congregate there; welcoming and comfortable; both new friends and old should be found there.
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  7. #7
    ☄ (。・ω・。) ☄ Peebles's Avatar

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    Re: that's how it goes

    Quote Originally Posted by Crono

    after he had a chat with Jack Daniels, one hit
    This is my favorite line, by far. I actually like this one from you. I usually find your stuff boring, but this one is good.

  8. #8
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    Re: that's how it goes

    I can't make lyrics rhyme for shit, great job.
    Hey.

  9. #9
    Mother Russia Cavolia's Avatar

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    Re: that's how it goes

    My mom's name is Annemarie..

    I'm usually not really into these writings, but this one i found really good and i did really enjoy reading it.
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  10. #10
    Junior Member shuffle monster66's Avatar
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    Re: that's how it goes

    Quote Originally Posted by Crono
    Saw a sweet young girl who looked quite feeble.
    Seemed timid -- had a constant fear of people
    'cause when she gets home her drunk man's gonna beat 'er.

    Black eye, busted lip, poor girl's lookin' like shit
    after he had a chat with Jack Daniels, one hit
    to her face and all those harsh words he tends to spit.

    Man, this girl needs a man who ain't a little rascal
    'cause she can't take no more, she's become too fragile
    for this problem that's more than a fuckin' hassle.

    Pride in my pocket -- I approach this person
    to tell her it ain't worth it, that it's gonna worsen
    so long as she carries the beast and the burden.

    She took me by my palm with her finger-tips,
    tried to speak but words couldn't elude her lips;
    'cause ain't no other man try to tell her this.

    Tells me her name's Annemarie and it's nice to see
    that she is actually quite comfortable with me
    even though we met only shortly after three.

    This was four days ago -- wonder what she's doin' though;
    wonder if she'll make it yo -- kinda startin' to give me woe.
    Got off work later that evenin', shocked by what seein'
    right there on CNN: "girl kills man while sleepin' in"

    These words beat my ear-drum like a fuckin' timpani;
    I turn off the T.V. timidly but willfully.
    He thrashed the threshold while feeling bitterly bold
    so she grabbed a bat and beat him fuckin' cold

    It's a mother fuckin' shame she'll be servin' life
    'cause her whole goddamn life has been nothin' but strife.
    But that's just how shit goes in the world today,
    and to think that we all tell our kids it'll be okay.

    i hav no ideea wut dis is......


 
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