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  1. #1
    Devoted Veteran Crono's Avatar


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    another new one (may 17th, 2011)

    [center:3vtzyb3r]Nostalgic Pulchritudinous

    Beauty radiated from her pours, her body,
    like a thin fog whispering to trees in the early morning.
    Merely her presence pulsed my nerves,
    stirred my mind and froze my eyes;
    slowly breathing, words elude my lips
    as we hug; I'm careful, as she is fragile.
    [/center:3vtzyb3r]

    [spoiler:3vtzyb3r]Deep within my mind
    there's this place where
    thoughts swirl through my brain
    as if I were an aqueduct.

    Infinite ideas collide
    like sand and tide.
    This place is what
    I want it be:
    A beach chair
    by the sea;
    a Hyperborea-esque
    land beyond the
    north winds where
    sunshine never thins.

    Concepts blossom
    into abstract shapes
    as I sit still pondering,
    wondering through
    never ending meadows
    or busy business districts.

    I am a creator;
    crafting this place
    like a dream-weaver
    night knitting.


    Something I wrote for this radio thing I'm participating in with a few people from my creative writing class. I originally posted it in the other thread, but none of you guys commented so I just said 'fuck it' and made a new thread for it.

    It's one of my favorite poems that I've written, so I'd REALLY appreciate some comments. Please.[/spoiler:3vtzyb3r]
    [center:1o6efzo1]
    forum rules staff team forum search [/center:1o6efzo1]

  2. #2
    Enthusiast Moshed Potatoes's Avatar

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    Re: fuck you guys read this for fuck sake

    This is really good! It's got a lot of visual imagery. You have that e.e. cummings/Langston Hughes shit going on, it's nice to get back to reading something in that classic style. Good job
    [center:3nsymvr2]
    Writing|Animations|Tumblr[/center:3nsymvr2]

  3. #3
    Veteran Enthusiast
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    Re: fuck you guys read this for fuck sake

    Wow that's awesome. It sounds very professional-like, loved the words you used.

    You're really talented at this man.

  4. #4
    Liberty Phish Danil's Avatar

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    Re: fuck you guys read this for fuck sake

    That's awesome! Is this a contest or something? Otherwise you'd be nailed to winning it.

  5. #5
    Devoted Veteran Crono's Avatar


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    Re: fuck you guys read this for fuck sake

    [center:3ofjg7u4]Nostalgic Pulchritudinous

    Beauty radiated from her pours, her body,
    like a thin fog whispering to trees in the early morning.
    Merely her presence pulsed my nerves,
    stirred my mind and froze my eyes;
    slowly breathing, words elude my lips
    as we hug; I'm careful, as she is fragile.
    [/center:3ofjg7u4]

    wrote this one the other day and I quite like it

    let's get like two fucking comments at least
    [center:1o6efzo1]
    forum rules staff team forum search [/center:1o6efzo1]

  6. #6
    Bad Ass Statham Statham's Avatar

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    Re: fuck you guys read this for fuck sake

    Quote Originally Posted by Crono
    [center:23x6ykdl]Nostalgic Pulchritudinous

    Beauty radiated from her pours, her body,
    like a thin fog whispering to trees in the early morning.
    Merely her presence pulsed my nerves,
    stirred my mind and froze my eyes;
    slowly breathing, words elude my lips
    as we hug; I'm careful, as she is fragile.
    [/center:23x6ykdl]

    wrote this one the other day and I quite like it

    let's get like two fucking comments at least
    That's deep. Great depiction of how fragile and sweet a woman can be. It's true feeling when they got you caught up. truly excellent poetic justice here. *finger snaps*

    *You must be prepared for harsh critique. What I offer is in sight on what you should of done and you may get a offended, but you must understand if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen of art.

  7. #7
    Slow at responding Caleb's Avatar

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    Re: another new one (may 17th, 2011)

    Epic, that's all I can say. Really g'job!

    Uh, hi. I do stuff.


 

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