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  1. #1
    Veteran Enthusiast Liam's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    600 A.D
    Posts
    9,163

    writings, raps ladidaa

    i've been writing a bunch of shit lately, i'll be posting here reguarly so check in a'ight.

    NIMBIN
    From the, hip hoppers, to the sticky green choppers,
    from the, beat droppers, to the big blue coppers,
    all these people make up the town I'm growin' up in,
    What's up everyone this is a message from Nimbin.

    From the generation Y to the generation X
    I ask these generations why we're
    degeneratin' the best, is it all a big test?
    Or are we destined to become the next -
    big thing kept alive through a page full of text?
    Well screw it, ima live my life to the fullest,
    write little raps, cus I think that I'm the coolest
    Too cool for school? Nah I'll stay into it,
    because I don't wanna become yet another degenerate.
    That roam the streets with no drive in their life,
    Well man I'll show 'em these beats and put a fire in their eyes!
    A bright flame that'll keep on burning,
    From the night time 'til the early morning.
    These songs I'll keep on churning,
    And count the things I keep on learning.


    From the, hip hoppers, to the sticky green choppers,
    from the, beat droppers, to the big blue coppers,
    all these people make up the town I'm growin' up in,
    What's up everyone this is a message from Nimbin.

    This town, the place that I'm livin' in,
    Get down, throw your troubles to the wind.
    Let go, fly away, get lost in the dream you're stuck within.
    All the drugs, alcohol and music in this place,
    All the hugs, fights, time to lose it and find your own space.
    This town, it's what helps me get by,
    Let's me do whatever right into the dead of night,
    or sleep, my thoughts it'll let fly,
    rap music is what I dream about,
    BnE is my lullaby.
    And with that I'm out,
    so just lemme say goodbye.

    From the dream I once had to the one that I chase,
    From the sharp snare drum to the smooth slow bass,
    From the hoodie on my back to my shoes and the lace,
    From the weed that's puffed to the ones that crack a case.
    All these things make up the town that I represent,
    You've been good, yeah maybe to a certain extent.
    Nah screw it man I love you, that's what I really meant.


    [spoiler:7524ogn6]ONE OF THE SAME
    I'm just another little kid tryna grow up too fast,
    Wishin' I was by myself instead of surrounded in my class,
    Wishin' I was at home alone or lying on the grass,
    Headphones in my ears trying to let the time pass.
    Or just kickin' back, chilling and writing,
    Instead of spillin' my guts, spittin' and fightin'.
    With my family, friends, shit even people I don't know.
    Friendships randomly ending, Hit me like a hard blow.
    Best friends turned against me man I'm sick of this shit,
    Cus I still manage to find darkness when all the candles are lit.
    Sometimes I wish I could kick back, and just chill out for a bit.
    But no, I've gotta take everything like another attack yo,
    Hit after hit after hit..
    ...shit

    Because me, yeah I don't wanna tie up all of my loose ends,
    I'd rather wait and cry and hope for a fuckin godsend.
    But it ain't comin', no so I better stop runnin'
    away from my fate because destiny will keep gunnin'
    Until I'm on knees, pleading and bleeding,
    But there's no mercy for me it'll keep on feedin',
    takin' away my soul, yeah takin' away my light,
    leaving me trapped in a state of eternal night.
    I won't even try to struggle,
    won't even try to fight,
    because I know that in a battle with my fate,
    there's no blow I can't escape,
    no way out I can create,
    so I've just gotta take it on the chin,
    and take it in stride.
    Because what doesn't kill me
    should make me stronger right?
    I wish I didn't have to go through this,
    I wishin' I wasn't on top
    of destiny's to do list,
    I'm stuck in this never ending game,
    Because hell I'm just..
    I'm just one of the same.
    [/spoiler:7524ogn6]

    [spoiler:7524ogn6]Poison
    Trapped in their prison and control is the key,
    they manipulate your vision until it's impossible to see.
    A thick fog surrounding like mist, clouding your judge-ment,
    don't get lost in their midst else they might not budge.. shit.
    Cold walls close in when you take another hit,
    you're still stuck in their cell with the light dimly lit.
    A trip instills when you pop another pill,
    Syringes pop the hinges on the window sill.
    Powder reveals power that steadily fullfills,
    and the leaf brings you back to the start with the pill.
    [/spoiler:7524ogn6]
    [center:1h4aebo3]
    You want to know the difference.. between a weak burger, and a burger that has STRENGTH?
    [/center:1h4aebo3]

  2. #2
    Senior Member Tenebrous Assassin's Avatar
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    Re: writings, raps ladidaa

    cool, that is quite catchy, expect more soon!
    [center:3jmamvok]I am back!!!

    | Pivot Thread (Locked) | New Pivot Thread | EasyToon Thread | HyperRaccoon.org |

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  3. #3
    Newbie
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Posts
    13

    Re: writings, raps ladidaa

    vary good man!!
    i do stuff like this to so chek out my raps in my thingy.
    [center:1oqcoutn]http://www.youtube.com/user/1CCproductions?feature=mhee[/center:1oqcoutn]
    [center:1oqcoutn][/center:1oqcoutn]

  4. #4
    Veteran Enthusiast Liam's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    600 A.D
    Posts
    9,163

    Re: writings, raps ladidaa

    whaddup haters

    ONE OF THE SAME
    I'm just another little kid tryna grow up too fast,
    Wishin' I was by myself instead of surrounded in my class,
    Wishin' I was at home alone or lying on the grass,
    Headphones in my ears trying to let the time pass.
    Or just kickin' back, chilling and writing,
    Instead of spillin' my guts, spittin' and fightin'.
    With my family, friends, shit even people I don't know.
    Friendships randomly ending, Hit me like a hard blow.
    Best friends turned against me man I'm sick of this shit,
    Cus I still manage to find darkness when all the candles are lit.
    Sometimes I wish I could kick back, and just chill out for a bit.
    But no, I've gotta take everything like another attack yo,
    Hit after hit after hit..
    ...shit

    Because me, yeah I don't wanna tie up all of my loose ends,
    I'd rather wait and cry and hope for a fuckin godsend.
    But it ain't comin', no so I better stop runnin'
    away from my fate because destiny will keep gunnin'
    Until I'm on knees, pleading and bleeding,
    But there's no mercy for me it'll keep on feedin',
    takin' away my soul, yeah takin' away my light,
    leaving me trapped in a state of eternal night.
    I won't even try to struggle,
    won't even try to fight,
    because I know that in a battle with my fate,
    there's no blow I can't escape,
    no way out I can create,
    so I've just gotta take it on the chin,
    and take it in stride.
    Because what doesn't kill me
    should make me stronger right?
    I wish I didn't have to go through this,
    I wishin' I wasn't on top
    of destiny's to do list,
    I'm stuck in this never ending game,
    Because hell I'm just..
    I'm just one of the same.
    [center:1h4aebo3]
    You want to know the difference.. between a weak burger, and a burger that has STRENGTH?
    [/center:1h4aebo3]

  5. #5
    Old Newbie
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    27

    Re: writings, raps ladidaa

    Wack. Wheres the multi's at? Rhyming shouldn't be structured as if you're some kind of Eminem, because Eminem forces about everything these days. Punchlines, multi's, idea's.

    Take five words that rhyme.

    Eat, Beat, Teeth, Street, Feet.

    Now take one that rhymes about, roughly half-syllablewise, so like concrete.

    Now structure these into one bar. A bar is two lines.

    ''Pounding of feet beat the street so I bare my teeth
    Swallow pride, humble pie I will eat, caved in concrete''

    From there, you find rhyming words from concrete. Compete, Conceit, Complete, Defeat, Receipt and then the roughly half-syllablewise rhyme, in this case it will be Offkey. Lets expand the bar from here to encompass two bars.

    ''Pounding of feet beat the street so I bare my teeth
    Swallow pride, humble pie I will eat, caved in concrete
    Scared to conceit complete defeat, and compete
    On a road full of receipts and notes struck just offkey''

    Do you see where I'm getting at? These flesh out your lyrical piece. Makes it better. Regardless of whether you want to be throwing punches behind your bars and murder lyrically or if you want to tell a story, these keep the piece moving and make it sound a lot better, it also actually makes the piece more aesthetic to the eyes.

    Lets break down your piece.

    ''I'm just another little kid tryna grow up too fast,

    This is an alright opener. But you lack multi's and it's not paced well in contrast with the second line. They cant be rapped with overstretching your flow.

    Wishin' I was by myself instead of surrounded in my class,

    Wack. You could use this bar to throw some harder words around, change it up to something more like ''Rather be isolated, then sat here being assimilated'' or something. Gives it texture. Feel. Organic. Yours gives it a 7th grader touch.

    Wishin' I was at home alone or lying on the grass,

    Again, this is some wack shit. You HAVE to throw heavier words around here and boost up the weight of the piece, especially with atmosphere. You're telling a story, so make it sound good.

    Headphones in my ears trying to let the time pass.

    Pass/Grass just isn't a good rhymescheme.

    Or just kickin' back, chilling and writing,
    Instead of spillin' my guts, spittin' and fightin'.

    This was okay. It had progression but spilling my guts totally killed the flow of it here. It adds texture, but sacrifices syllables. You're writing a story, but you have to remember this is a song.

    With my family, friends, shit even people I don't know.
    Friendships randomly ending, Hit me like a hard blow.

    No. Your flow, completely gone. Like I said, multi's multi's multi's.

    Best friends turned against me man I'm sick of this shit,
    Cus I still manage to find darkness when all the candles are lit.

    This could be a nice kind of imagery if you could write it correctly so it flowed together piece wise and didnt stutter. Potential.

    Sometimes I wish I could kick back, and just chill out for a bit.
    But no, I've gotta take everything like another attack yo,
    Hit after hit after hit..
    ...shit

    No, see, the end of this first part is just, well, it's boring. You progressed nowhere with this story. You just established you had very few friends and you like being alone. You have to make leaps and strides, every line should reveal something new, exciting. You have a lot of work to go, but so do we all. Work on your potential, work on multi's and try to build more atmosphere with your pieces.

    One love,
    UKHH

  6. #6
    Veteran Enthusiast Liam's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    600 A.D
    Posts
    9,163

    Re: writings, raps ladidaa

    ^ok

    NEW ONE - NIMBIN

    From the, hip hoppers, to the sticky green choppers,
    from the, beat droppers, to the big blue coppers,
    all these people make up the town I'm growin' up in,
    What's up everyone this is a message from Nimbin.

    From the generation Y to the generation X
    I ask these generations why we're
    degeneratin' the best, is it all a big test?
    Or are we destined to become the next -
    big thing kept alive through a page full of text?
    Well screw it, ima live my life to the fullest,
    write little raps, cus I think that I'm the coolest
    Too cool for school? Nah I'll stay into it,
    because I don't wanna become yet another degenerate.
    That roam the streets with no drive in their life,
    Well man I'll show 'em these beats and put a fire in their eyes!
    A bright flame that'll keep on burning,
    From the night time 'til the early morning.
    These songs I'll keep on churning,
    And count the things I keep on learning.


    From the, hip hoppers, to the sticky green choppers,
    from the, beat droppers, to the big blue coppers,
    all these people make up the town I'm growin' up in,
    What's up everyone this is a message from Nimbin.

    This town, the place that I'm livin' in,
    Get down, throw your troubles to the wind.
    Let go, fly away, get lost in the dream you're stuck within.
    All the drugs, alcohol and music in this place,
    All the hugs, fights, time to lose it and find your own space.
    This town, it's what helps me get by,
    Let's me do whatever right into the dead of night,
    or sleep, my thoughts it'll let fly,
    rap music is what I dream about,
    BnE is my lullaby.
    And with that I'm out,
    so just lemme say goodbye.

    From the dream I once had to the one that I chase,
    From the sharp snare drum to the smooth slow bass,
    From the hoodie on my back to my shoes and the lace,
    From the weed that's puffed to the ones that crack a case.
    All these things make up the town that I represent,
    You've been good, yeah maybe to a certain extent.
    Nah screw it man I love you, that's what I really meant.
    [center:1h4aebo3]
    You want to know the difference.. between a weak burger, and a burger that has STRENGTH?
    [/center:1h4aebo3]


 

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