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View Poll Results: Which do you prefer?

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  • 1.

    0 0%
  • 2.

    2 100.00%
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  1. #1
    Veteran Enthusiast


    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Perth, WA
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    6,385

    Need help making up my mind

    I am writing a short story for uni, and I am using this image by Shaun Tan as the basis of my piece: [tn=400:2oglyhg2]http://darkdemon.org/user-files/12555/1334555479.jpg[/tn:2oglyhg2]

    Here is the prologue:

    Prologue
    [spoiler:2oglyhg2]Giant birds. One, two, three. More and more they kept appearing, each just surreal as the last. I watched, in awe, as these massive, penguin like monsters kept materialising out of thin air. I looked out the window, the traffic jam I was stuck in, was non-existent, instead, these gigantic, unimaginable beasts had taken their place. Giant turnkeys lodged in their backs, as though they were a child's toy. I locked my door, and rolled up my window, just to make myself feel safe. It didn't work, I was in panic and shock, I could barely move. Tightness grabbed at my chest, in the heat of the moment, I had forgotten to breathe. I took one gasp of air, reminding myself that it was a necessity to live. Noise started to escape their beaks, as though they were trying to communicate with me.
    "No chance..." I said, as I slid down onto the floor of the driver's seat, meeting with the accelerator and break peddles. I felt a little bit safer, now the giant penguins were out sight. Something caught my eye, I looked to my right, the passenger seat was filled. I hadn't noticed the passenger I had until now. A smaller version of the monsters outside had crept into my cab, and occupied the passenger's seat. It looked at me, squawking, my brain was racing. My heart leapt into my mouth, and my stomach dropped to my toes. The safety I thought I had vanished and now I was stuck, in a cab, doors locked, windows up, with a human sized penguin, sitting in the passenger seat, eying me oddly, attempting to communicate. Trapped, no escape, my mind started to fade.[/spoiler:2oglyhg2]


    Now, I have to create the character, I have narrowed it down to two different possibilites
    1. He has smoked weed that was laced with crystal meth
    2. He has hallucinogenic schizophrenia

    1.

    [spoiler:2oglyhg2]I stepped out of the shower, and looked into the mirror. My eyes, red from a lack of sleep, caliginous, deep bags were visible under my eyes. Unshaven, I looked as though I was insane, I was stressed out from work. My shift started at eleven, it was now nine. I quickly dressed into my scrappy attire, and walked out onto the street, on my way to my friend's apartment. I received grimacing facial expressions from the general public in the street, as though I was filth. I ignored them, the apartment was only a few blocks away, I could manage ignoring the judgemental people of New York for at least five more minutes. I made it to his apartment, as I opened the door, a wave of smoke poured out of his room, and engulfed me. It morphed into the shape of my face, as I stood back, I could see a look of surprise on my smoke face. The smell was familiar to me, it was marijuana. I had never done it before, but I knew my friend was a full on pot-head. I walked over to him, he was laying on a bean bag, head tilted back, with thick white smoke pouring out of his mouth.
    "Yo, man you ready to try this, it's some good stuff man, not too heavy." Peer pressure, it was working. I gave in, as he handed me the perfectly rolled joint. I took a puff, and drew the smoke deep into my lungs. It was heavier than cigarette smoke, but smoother and more enjoyable to smoke. I slowly released the pure, white fog of the marijuana smoke, as I was doing so, I watched my friend shoot a smoke ring in my direction. It grew and grew, until it was as big as my head. I looked down at my watch, time for work.
    "Man, I'm feeling pretty good, I have to head off to work." I left, walking down the stairs, my mind was floating, I felt like I could do anything. Stress was gone, relaxation had taken its place. I made my way to the cab depot, ready to start the day of work.[/spoiler:2oglyhg2]

    2.
    [spoiler:2oglyhg2]I stepped out of the shower, and looked into the mirror. My eyes, red from a lack of sleep, caliginous, deep bags were visible under my eyes. Unshaven, I looked as though I was insane, I was stressed out from work. I opened the medicine cabinet, desperate to find my medication to treat my condition. I found the little, transparent, orange bottle. Empty. No matter, I thought, I can survive one day. My shift started at eleven, it was now nine. I quickly dressed into my scrappy attire, and walked out onto the street, on my way to my friend's apartment. I received grimacing facial expressions from the general public in the street, as though I was filth. I ignored them, the apartment was only a few blocks away, I could manage ignoring the judgemental people of New York for at least five more minutes. And then I heard it, a slight whisper, as though the wind itself was talking to me.
    "...Bruce...." It was so soft, I was unsure if I heard anything. Regardless, I kept walking on, slightly increasing my pace.
    "Bruce!" I heard it for sure this time, the surprise made me turn quickly on the spot, bumping into the man behind me. This man was odd, it looked like bugs were crawling under the skin of his face, causing it to morph and change. We exchanged dirty looks at one another, I looked at him with fear and confusion, he looked at me as though I was insane. Fits the bill, I thought, and I turned back around, heading towards my friend's apartment building. I finally made it to the building. I clicked the button of the elevator, the button was boiling, and burnt my finger. I stood there, sucking on my finger, something really didn't feel right. I heard the low beep, signalling that the elevator was there, as the elevator doors opened, everything started to slow down. I saw flames, the elevator was burning. Flames shot out of the open elevator, as I jumped to the floor, the heat was immense, I was sweating heavily. I ran out, and sprinted up the stairs, lucky for me his apartment was only on the second floor. I reached his door, face full of fear and worry, dripping with sweat. I knocked fast and loud.[/spoiler:2oglyhg2]

  2. #2
    Japanologist Wilio's Avatar

    Join Date
    Dec 2005
    Location
    Somewhere in time
    Posts
    5,561

    Re: Need help making up my mind

    I prefer the second one.

  3. #3
    Veteran Enthusiast


    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Perth, WA
    Posts
    6,385

    Re: Need help making up my mind

    Thanks for your input! I think I will be heading in that direction.


 

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