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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jan 2011

    "House of sparks" - Getting started

    I've been planning for quite a while to post around the literature section; I am surprised I never did though.

    Below lay the first act of something I've been working on in my spare time.


    Loathsome. Unforgiving. Eternally revengeful. Unscrupulous - hallmarks humanity would never ever mention again. The loveliness of the spring daybreak when one walks in peace had now vanished.
    It's undoubtedly loyal that God himself left a bane upon the house of sparks which evil had set no foot on. It was written in the sky, for better for worse knew the true story.

    ACT I - Who is pounding on my door?

    I was sleeping shamelessly well past the 10th clock. Veils were set aside the window.
    Light was impaling my eyes like I had commited a crime and had to pay for it. It was grievous.

    I woke up. Slowly rising from my bed, I started rubbing my eyes. I was fatigued.
    "Vertiginous dreams..." I said to myself while drowsing.
    It felt like I was a foreigner in my own house. My feet were begging me to head towards the bathroom.
    But why was that?
    I turned and looked around. Mattress stained with blood. Doors wide open. Cracked walls.
    Something was out of the ordinary.

    Shortly afterwards, a bright humming light was gently shining upon the floor, forming a cross-shaped shadow.
    I instantly felt attracted, intrigued, amazed by the light. It looked like it had an entire universe inside it, with never-before seen creatures dwelling it. Dark, mystic and privy.
    Yet it was that part of me that was aware of it; I shouldn't have gone towards it.
    I was approaching with sensibility. Feet are shaking, hands are spastic, head is dull. Long-forgotten thoughts roaming through my mind.
    "What if the shade will gobble me?" I thought.
    Thus there was no way I could have known about it; it was inciting me regardless.

    Suddenly, a loud noise coming from the door's way awoke me.
    "Open the door!" the voice boomed.[/spoiler:1t9loql7]
    I'll be continuing it whenever I find the time to. I would like some critique on this, if possible.

  2. #2
    Veteran Enthusiast

    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Perth, WA

    Re: "House of sparks" - Getting started

    very very interesting, the story line seems very strong, very suspenseful. Nice use of vocabulary, that is important when writing a story, you have to be able to use a variety of different words that can ultimately mean the same thing, it adds to the flow and destroys any chances of repetition. Nice and vivid description of the place surrounding. Good work, looking forward to reading more.

  3. #3
    he llo Mitchell's Avatar

    Join Date
    Jan 2012

    Re: "House of sparks" - Getting started

    Enjoyed this bro. Like Mr Blot said, the usage of words and the overall vocabulary was really top notch and I loved the dark tension to it.

    Moonlight Road: 210/600


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