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  1. #1
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    What Lies in the Dark (WIP)

    What Lies in the Dark
    Jon Edwards

    Jack

    My eyes snapped open. I woke to a light thud, from outside my house. I went to call out, but something caught my words. Caution. I shook my head and rubbed my eyes, as I yawned quietly.
    “I must be still asleep...” I thought to myself. I lay my head down on my pillow and closed my eyes, in attempt to return to the sub-conscious world of sleep and dreams. No more than five minutes has passed, and a loud creak echoed down the hall.
    “What was that?” My mind raced as my eyes snapped open. My heart began to beat faster. I pulled my covers up close to my face and took a deep breath in.
    “It was nothing.” I said to myself, sitting up in my bed, reaching for the button for the lamp. A quick click of my fingers, and light filled the room with a blinding white. I squinted as my eyes began to water at the sudden influx of light burning my eyes. I stared around my bedroom, messy with toys and clothes. It was empty, and I was alone. An accidental sigh of relief escaped my mouth, and the familiar feelings of courage and toughness began intruding my mind.
    “See? Nothing. Why are you so scared Jack?” I thought to myself. “Scared of nothing! It was just your imagination.” I laughed quietly. My hand hovered over the button of the lamp for a few seconds, a compulsory double check that the room truly was empty. Finally my hand fell and the light went out. Darkness filled the room with a deepness that left one wide eyed and aware of everything. Just as I was blinded by the intruding light, the darkness was so black that I could not see my hands in front of me. A shiver crept down my back and I gently placed my head back onto my pillow.
    “C’mon Jack...” I thought, “You’re ten years old now! You shouldn’t be scared of the dark anymore.” I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t, but my heart still beat with an anxious nervousness and fear plagued my mind further. The trouble with trying to trick and lie to yourself is that you know that it is a trick or a lie. It is impossible. I sat wide eyed and awake, unable to re-enter my dreams where I felt safe.
    “Remember what Gran always says.” I thought. “Close your eyes tight and you will eventually go to sleep!” It worked every time. I closed my eyes, and waited, patiently for sleep take its hold. My mind began to wander, and soon I felt myself drifting back into a peaceful rest.

    I was inches from sleep when my eyes snapped open again. A loud thud echoed down the hallway. I shot up in my bed so fast, startled from the noise. I shivered, paralysed with fear. My hands became clammy and as my mind raced in circles at the possibilities of what could have made such a racket, I became dizzy. Nausea attacked my stomach; vomit was ready to burst out of my mouth. I sniffed, my nose began to run. And then, my lungs closed tight. I could barely breath, I was being choked. My fear was asphyxiating me, as I sat up in my bed, mouth agape, praying for air to return to me. Eerie silenced filled the room, and my eyes became heavy. My body relaxed and all of a sudden, air. I coughed and spluttered, gasping for as much oxygen as I could inhale. Tears streamed down my face as I slowly regained a steady breathing pace. My jaw trembled, as the tears began to slowly fade away and I stared at the door, waiting. I took in a deep breath and dragged my legs out of bed, and planted them on the cold floorboards of my bedroom. I lifted off the bed, the floorboards creaked long and loud, my shoulders raised and hid my neck, as the noise made me scrunch up my face. I tiptoed, trying to be as silent as possible. My hand outstretched towards the door knob, I crept still, noiseless, bar the occasional small squeak of the loose floorboards. Finally reaching the door, I grasped the cool metal of the knob and turned it slowly. The faint click of the door unlatching sounded like an avalanche in my mind. I creaked the door open just a crack, and closing one eye, I peered out into the darkness. I saw something that made my heart race, stomach turn and jaw drop. The silhouette of a large man was in the hallway, tiptoeing towards my room. I went to scream, but the noise did not pass my throat, instead an inaudible, muffled noise escaped my choked throat. I closed the door, turned, and leapt back to my bed. I covered my head with the pillow and pulled the covers up over myself. I hyperventilated and waited. And then, my stomach dropped further. The noise of the door knob turning bounced around the room and echoed in my brain.


    Craig

    Something didn’t feel right. Something felt very uneasy and my first instincts thought of the safety of my children. I couldn’t sleep, so I turned on my light to read the book I had been reading. A brilliant read, I just couldn’t put it down. Problem was, I’d read and read til my eyes grew heavy and tired, and my head began to nod. So I’d turn my beside lamp off and lay my head on my pillow. The heaviness of my eyes would soon alleviate, and I’d be wide eyed, completely awake and unable to drift off. So what’d I do? I turned on my goddamn light again and began reading. But enough about my cycle of insomnia. The uneasy feeling was attacking me, adding to the reasons of why I couldn’t sleep, and why insomnia grew. I heard a low and dull thud, coming from outside my window. Curious, I pulled the covers off and went to investigate. I looked outside, a strong gust was blowing through, and the umbrella we kept by the pool was on its side.
    “Figures.” I said to myself. My wife, Jan, had always told me to tie it down when I was finished with it.
    “Craig, if you don’t tie it down a strong gust will come through and blow it over!” She lectured. “It could cause some serious damage!” She was right, again. She was always right. But Jan was away, she didn’t need to know about this, it can be our little secret. Anyway, the umbrella was on its side, so I closed the curtains and figured I’d worry about it in the morning. I yawned silently, and made my way back to my bed. I hated sleeping alone, but at least I wasn’t waking Jan up every 10 minutes when I’d switch on my lamp to read. I walk slowly over towards my bed, when I stepped on the loose floorboard. It creaked and moaned, you’d think the damned thing was in pain. I stopped, and gritted my teeth, hoping I hadn’t woken Jack or Tom. I stopped, and listened out for a noise from their rooms. Silence. I laughed to myself, and hopped back in bed, picking up the thick, leather bound book, and continued my incessant reading.

    I stopped, and looked up from my book.
    “Now I could have sworn I heard a noise then.” I said to myself. “Maybe one of the boys is up.” I contemplated with getting out of bed to check on them, just to make sure.
    “Nah.” I thought to myself. “If they needed me, they’d come get me. Jack’s probably just getting a glass of water or something.” I couldn’t argue with the fact that I was too comfortable and warm to get out of my bed. Besides, it’s usually Jan who goes and checks on them. She’s the watcher, I’m the protector. I kept reading. I got through one page before the guilt forced me from my comfortable and warm reading place.
    “This better be good.” I thought to myself. I swung my legs out of bed. My foot struck the bedside table hard, and I swore under my breath. My toes throbbed with pain, and I rolled around on the bed, clutching my foot, holding against my chest. I put my non injured foot down on the ground, and precariously lowered my injured one, testing its ability to hold my weight. It was tender, but held my weight fine. I made my way towards my door when I heard Jack coughing uncontrollably.
    “That’s odd.” I thought. “He was fine earlier today. Maybe he’s coming down with something.” I opened my door, and made my way downstairs to get him a glass of water. I glanced down the hallway towards Jack’s room, and heard something that made my heart sink. Sobs were emanating from his room; guilt panged and attacked my heart and gut. I stood and stared at his door for a while, before heading down the stairs to get him the water. As I poured the glass, I heard another noise. It sounded like a door opening slowly and closing.
    “Just my imagination.” I said to myself, as I turned off the tap and began walking towards the staircase. I looked up the stairs, a small crack of light flew across the hallway.
    “Jack must have opened his door.” I thought. I crept upstairs slowly, dripping a bit of water as I went.
    “Poor kid.” I thought. I heard his door close fast and the stamps of his feet from his room.
    “Odd.” I said to myself. I reached the top of the stairs, and looked to my left towards Jack’s room. The light had now gone, and it was pitch black. All I could make out was the silhouette of a person walking towards Jack’s room. Maybe I didn’t imagine the front door opening after all.


    Still working on this. It's an assignment for university. Trying to create a lot of suspense and tension. What do you think?

  2. #2
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    Re: What Lies in the Dark (WIP)

    anyone?

  3. #3
    Neo
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    Re: What Lies in the Dark (WIP)

    Quote Originally Posted by Blot
    anyone?
    apologies for not seeing this earlier!
    This is marvelous mate, I actually read the first one twice, and stunning performance friend, but I think the second one still has room for improvement (because I personally think the first one was better).

    Some amazing work there blot

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    Ranks
    Spoiler:
    Intermediate: 11th November 2012


 

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