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  1. #1
    Fanatic Enthusiast Deimos's Avatar

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    A Story Written Through Pure Boredom

    Hey guys! The other day our band took a trip to Ft. Hays Kansas for a marching festival in which we received the rating of a II. I play quads and think the drum cadence went over very well, but anyways, it was a two and a half hour drive to and from the college, so my friend Andy and I wrote this little story just for the heck of it, and i thought it would be fun to post it here. We just did it for fun so its not the best, so bash it however much you want.

    Once upon a time there was 2 kids bored on a bus so they plotted world domination, which could be obtained in just three easy steps:
    1. Establish authority
    2. ???
    3. PROFIT
    So with the three easy steps they began. They quickly slipped into the Pentagon at 11:08 p.m. one night to retrieve Document 10856F which would give them access into the main control center in Washington D.C. So they went into the room where the document was supposed to be located, but instead found a large Cyclops guarding another door into the REAL room where the DoCuMeNt was. They two boys swiftly punched it in its only eye. Then for the finish, the larger of the two boys shot out some Shuriken from his sleeves. They penetrated the Cyclops’ skin; it fell with a large KABLANG! Next the smaller of the two kicked the door down and retrieved the document. By that time the alarms were ringing and the halls had turned red from the alarms. The S.W.A.T teams were running down the hall to block the two cool guys off.
    Jim Allen looked around, there were intruders somewhere here. “Corporal Allen!” yelled the squad leader, Bill Billson, “Reconnaissance mission! Grab 4 men and scout ahead.” Jim quickly gathered three troops and they headed up the hall. By now the alarms had gone quiet and the halls were dark again. The four men were creeping up the hallway stretched out in a line. Jim was in the middle. Suddenly something dropped from the ceiling onto the guy on his right. There was the flash of gunfire. They figure quickly slit the man’s throat and then leapt away, the remaining three men fired at will. A Shuriken took down one man and the other was attacked from behind by another figure. Jim was thrust up against a wall and knocked unconscious.
    After taking out the squad, the two turned to each other with wide grins. “hooah!” shouted Andrew as he raised hand and Julian commenced the wicked sweet secret handshake with him. They danced around the corpses for a moment before continuing on their way. Their were now heading towards Washington D.C. “ONWARD!! TO WASHINGTON D.C.!!” They yelled together and ran off.
    Jim came back to consciousness to the shaking of General Billson. “Corporal! The second scout group we sent up said that two U.I.O.’s (Unidentified Intruding Objects.) attacked your squad and depleted your group to 25% seeing as you’re the only survivor.” “What are we going to do?” Asked another S.W.A.T member. “First we’re going to have to establish the destination of the intruders then we will rave and then I’ll order the troops a Double Super Thing.” Replied the General. “They’re heading to Washington D.C.” said Jim. “GREAT FLAMING FLAMINGOS!” Yelled the general, “Corporal.. HIT IT!!” Corporal Allen leapt up and hit the button next to the fire alarm. Some flashing lights turned on and the S.W.A.T team began to rave. After a couple minutes the squad quit raving and then flew on a jet to Washington D.C. to cut off he two boys.
    5 HOURS LATER
    Andrew and Julian had arrived outside of he Whitehouse to find that the S.W.A.T team had arrived there first and seemed to have pulled together a massive army. There was the S.W.A.T squad from the Pentagon, an army equipped with tanks, mystical sea serpents with mermaids on their back wielding tridents, samurai, and ninjas on horses wielding lances. Andrew and Julian looked at each other and charged the army. Bullets flew at them in walls, but they easily caught every bulled that got close enough and melted it with their heat vision and made guns. Now every bullet caught would be put into their guns for some action. Their aim was spectacular and they took out most of the S.W.A.T team and some of the army ranks. Now the two serpents were coming in. Each serpent had three mermaids on them. Andrew and Julian each took one serpent. One mermaid thrust their trident at Andrew, but he quickly dodged around it and grabbed the mermaid’s arm. He then snapped it’s wrist, took its trident and stabbed it with it. The last serpent lunged at Julian, but he spun around, catching it by its whiskers and whipping it around, knocking the mermaids off their mounts and spearing it on their tridents. Meanwhile Andrew was on the other serpent he sneezed in one mermaid’s face so as to blind it then punched it off the serpent. The third and final mermaid thing lunged at Andrew but he blew fire out of his mouth and made the mermaid a little over easy. Next he turned to the serpent and snapped its neck.
    Andrew and Julian met up and charged the army again. Now they had some troops shooting bullets and had some tanks had pulled up. Andrew ran to one side and began the deleting of viruses- I mean the destroying of army dudes. He quickly kicked one of the tanks over and used it for cover. He heard several thuds as the army dudes pelted grenades at him. Quick as a whistle he gathered the grenades and shoved them into the barrel of the tank. He then roundhouse kicked the tank into the other tank behind the army dudes and it erupted into a huge fireball, burning the remaining men into an over-done crisp. Andrew took a moment to sniff the air, thoroughly enjoying the smell of burnt corpses in the afternoon.
    Meanwhile, Julian had pulled out his special staff, hand crafted from the Boosu tree of Northern China, the crafter had forged it in flames Mt. ChangChongLou the largest volcano in China. He spun in a circle, taking out some of the army dudes. Then he chopped the wooden staff through the barrel of one tank, slicing it in half, then he picked it up and threw it into the other take, they both exploded and cinders fell from the sky. He picked up the severed tank barrel and began eating it. He chewed it thoroughly and spit it out at the remaining army dudes, the shrapnel tore them to itsy bitsy pieces.
    Andrew and Julian back flipped to each other to find that the cavalry had arrived. 20 knights in not very shiny armor approached the two boys. They lined up in a line and the banner bearer came forth. “Halt thyself heathens! You have shown hostility towards us and will pay the ultimate price!” He then turned to his cavalry. “MEN! CHAAAARGE!!!” The knights charged at Andrew and Julian. Ten knights surrounded each boy and pulled out their swords. They all had protective shields. Julian leapt onto one horse behind the knight on it and began playing the percussion part to Mozart’s 9th Symphony in D Minor. “Do not worry thyself Lancelot! I shall dispatch of the wretched scum behind you!” Yelled a night near Lancelot, he swung his swords in an arc to take off Julian’s head, but he ducked too quickly and instead of beheading Julian, the knight beheaded Lancelot and his horse . Julian did a black flip off the horse and kicked the knight under the chin, he fell to the ground with a medieval *Clank* He was quickly trampled by remaining eight nights charging Julian, but Julian was once again too fast, he grabbed a giant magnifying glass and propped it at an angle so the sun shone through it and fried the horses’ knees. They fell on top of each other writhing in pain. Some more shuriken finished the horses and their knights. Julian then propped all the knights into a sitting position against their horses then set his camera on a tripod and took a picture of himself kneeling beside them.
    As for the final knights, Andrew felt like giving them a sporting chance. Well, except the first guy. He punched through his armor and into his chest, crushing his heart and taking his sword. He then turned to the remaining knights in a battle stance, and thus began an epic battle. The sound of steel meeting steel littered the air, and parry-by-parry, blow-by-blow, each knight fell to Andrews borrowed sword. The remaining knight called “halt! I shall meet my end honorably! You rare a truly worthy opponent.” He let his armor fall from him with a clash. He kneeled with a bow to Andrew, and when he stood, the fight began. But Andrew was bored by then, so he smashed the sword into a pistol and shot out the knights’ kneecaps. Now crippled, Andrew pranced up and soccer kicked the knight in the head, his head coming off and flying into the distance.
    By the time Andrew had finished off his knights, Julian was already up ahead taking on a battalion of mounted ninjas with lances. The ninjas were faster than the knights and could swing their lances around very quickly, but none-the-less, Julian still blocked each blow with his wrists. All the ninjas totaling about 5 surrounded him and lashed out with their lances. Julian blocked as if he did this every day, after about 3 minutes Julian shouted “STOP!” all the mounted ninjas stopped attacking and looked at Julian quizzically. “This is going nowhere! All of you line up in an orderly fashion and I will kill you each one at a time.” So the ninjas lined up and the first ninja came up. The ninja charged and Julian snapped the horses neck when it got close enough. The ninja tumbled off and rolled a few feet away in the dirt, he leapt up, and then as if defying gravity he flew towards Julian with his foot extended into a Flying Power Kick. Now Julian, being a Triple Black Belt in Kung Fu, knew that the Flying Power Kick was an advanced attack only worth of a Level 39 Ninja, but this ninja was clearly lower than leve 20. So Julian just grabbed his foot and pulled him up and over his head and into a rock on his other side. The first ninja was done, and seeing as there were still four to go, Julian bent down and constructed a hand grenade out of the dirt, rocks, and thorns found on the rough terrain. He pulled the makeshift tab and watched in smug joy as the grenade obliterated the remaining ninjas.
    The Final 5 Ninjas somehow made it past Julian, so Andrew stood to face them. They had him surrounded and began to charge him, forming a 5 point Death Penetration technique. Andrew stood his ground, waiting for just the right time. At the last second, he spun around, deflecting the lances just far away to miss him, and spear the person opposites horses. The now angry ninjas pounced from their horses corpses at him, but Andrew caught them each by the throat and slammed their heads together, shattering their skulls.
    v The Thread v

  2. #2
    Veteran Enthusiast Salazar-DE's Avatar


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    Re: A Story Written Through Pure Boredom

    If boredom can lead you to that, then I would love to see what you can write when you can try.
    [center:15cesajl]I'm gone, but I loved my time here. Thank you all for being such a great community![/center:15cesajl]

  3. #3
    Veteran Enthusiast Xemozu's Avatar


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    Re: A Story Written Through Pure Boredom

    4chan memes aren't welcome.

  4. #4
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    Re: A Story Written Through Pure Boredom

    Walls of text aren't fun.
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  5. #5
    Fanatic Enthusiast Xenomorph's Avatar


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    Re: A Story Written Through Pure Boredom

    Quote Originally Posted by tako
    Walls of text aren't fun.
    And neither is bearing with you. You don't have to post that he wrote a lot...when that's clearly the point.

    I found it rather interesting, if somewhat jammed together at times. Work on transition. Make it flow better. Though it was made from 'boredom' try writing sometime.
    SA$_/AI%20has log[d in.
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    >> S##t m_ Rebooting. Hello, Samuel.

  6. #6
    Fanatic Enthusiast Deimos's Avatar

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    Re: A Story Written Through Pure Boredom

    actually it was copied and pasted but i guess thats not the point sorry for all the text, and thanks for the advice.
    v The Thread v

  7. #7
    lucien is queen Hazzystan's Avatar

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    Re: A Story Written Through Pure Boredom

    Use some metaphors, and add more details. It will make your story so much more interesting, for example, you wrote:

    Andrew and Julian looked at each other and charged the army.
    Add more detail, so it looks more like this:
    Julian turned to Andrew with a determined face, Andrew confirmed with a thin smile. They drew their weapons and charged the army.
    You could obviously do better than that, it was just an example, but do you get the jist of what I mean?
    what is homo love?

  8. #8
    Veteran Enthusiast Lawn Feed's Avatar

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    Re: A Story Written Through Pure Boredom

    I only read the first few sentences but that was enough for me. What I read was lacking in detail and pretty boring

    obviously you can't judge a story from the first sentence but try to grab the reader's attention a bit better
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